It seems that as I get older I’m better able to see all the potential disastrous outcomes of a situation much more quickly and clearly :-S I know I’m not the only one doing this, and the advice online makes it seem like all you have to do is tell yourself to stop exaggerating and things will magically get better. Yeah, right. :))
So what do you do to try and stop catastrophizing situations? I seem to lose too much time to this and want to make a change for 2019.
I wouldn’t recommend my way of lessening it - after some major disasters I realized that I can survive and get through just about anything. Not necessarily in a way I would choose to get through but I do get through (as a meme says, my success rate for living through difficult days is 100% since I haven’t died yet). I finally just came to accept that because I can’t control my life I have to stop worrying about what-ifs. It requires a lot of self talk, a lot of deep breathing, and sometimes a good therapist.
I think that a lot of catastrophic thinking comes from realizing that as our bodies age and our careers come to an end and our children grow up there is more and more that we cannot control. And catastrophic thinking comes from a need to feel in control - especially for folk like me with childhood trauma. If you are on FB, look up Anne Lamott’s post on December 23 on her latest episode of catastrophic thinking.
Not sure this will be helpful but I am pretty good at separating things that are under my control and those that are not. Once I did that, I stop (most of the time) worrying about the (un)foreseeable future. I also rely on statistics, many if not most disastrous events are (very) low-probability ones (luckily), so the next time I get on a plane/train/whatever, the chance of it reaching its destination safely is extremely high, worrying about the other way is (kind of) irrational.
You could search for an Albert Ellis book, How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything–Yes, Anything! Though the approach may be similar to what you’ve encountered elsewhere, you might benefit from the added depth.
@My3Kiddos I also have problems with this, so I am following with interest.
I agree that acceptance is important.
Also, when something specific happens that causes me to worry, I try to be a bit gentle with myself and say that it is natural to have to work through these things, and that hopefully my specific worry will become more manageable over time (ie, I won’t be obsessing about it 24/7… :-S )
Love your comments, @KKmama - and I’m a huge Anne Lamott fan, too.
I am a big catastrophizer. I used to joke that if I text my now-adult daughter and she doesn’t reply within 15 minutes, then she’s dead. Not indisposed, not busy, not driving, not at a meeting or in class - dead. There’s apparently nothing between “alive but not responding” and “dead.”
I know it’s a big control thing and I know I’m being silly. Like KKMama, I only get better when I consciously address it and talk myself into reasonableness.
Good luck, @My3Kiddos - if you find the magic solution, please let me know!
Following also. One thing that seems to help is repeating “I have no control over this situation.” Examples: when my children are on airplanes or other forms of transportation.
“It seems that as I get older I’m better able to see all the potential disastrous outcomes of a situation much more quickly and clearly…So what do you do to try and stop catastrophizing situations?”
With age also comes the realization that a) most things are fixable, b) bad things that happen often aren’t as bad as we originally thought, c) there are alternative paths/solutions if things don’t work out the way we wanted/expected, and d) people are more resilient than we think. 
I do separate out what’s under my control and what is not. I also do worst case scenario.
As an example, if I am doing a move, it is under my control to find the best mover I could afford and be as organized as possible, and it is not under my control about the weather or if the mover’s truck would break down or if my building’s elevator would stop working.
Worst case scenario - bad weather means the move may take longer than expected, and the worst case is I would need to pay more (ok, I will still move and I could afford to pay $$). If my mover’s truck should break or the elevator may not work, I would need to reschedule and may need to pay more.
Again, no one is going to die over it.
Of course there are some things that have worst consequences, but often after I look at the worst case scenario, it is really not that bad.
“If I don’t get into college X then I am going to die.” Well, no. If you don’t get into college X, you may be disappointed, but there are still 10+ other colleges on your list.
I am a catastrophizer and always have been. My older sister died when I was 8 and it taught me what a catastrophe really is and that it can happen at any time. Of course, that’s not really true, but I perceived the situation to be that she went out on a perfectly normal evening and just died. I didn’t understand that she had been ill for a long time, and the situation is now deeply imbedded in my personality. What I have always done is to be honest with my family and close friends that this is how I am and why I am this way. Which has actually helped me to be able to laugh at myself and to ask for reassurance sometimes. My kids and I have a deal that I won’t ask them where they are, who they are with, or what they are doing, if they will just text me S&S if I need to know. (Safe and sound). Three texted characters give me enormous peace if I get out of hand and I can then assess situations more rationally.
I tend to catastrophize most about my children’s futures - if my DS (now a junior in college) doesn’t get an internship this summer he is going to be working a low-paying job for the rest of his life kind of stuff. But back in the day it was "if my DS (as a high school junior) doesn’t do his SAT prep, he’ll get a terrible SAT score and get into a terrible college and will be working a low-paying job for the rest of his life. But I will also veer into the “my husband is always home by 5:30, it’s 5:45 he’s not home and he’s not answering his phone so he must have been in a car wreck” type of thinking.
The more data points I get that this type of thinking usually doesn’t reflect reality the more I’m able to try to talk myself off the ledge. But it is still a difficult mentality for me to avoid.
Such great comments/feedback here. I can empathize with spiraling down the rabbit hole of speculation and fear; in fact, I can create a million contingency plans if need be (and I did when we went to Disney World:)
We’ve hit a bit of a valley recently. One thing I’ve started to say to my husband is “Today was a good day” in the evening (if it was). It causes us to pause. The simple act of reflecting helps us stay short term, find the positive, and it’s like taking a deep breath and relaxing. In essence, it helps change our thought patterns.
And this may sound somewhat silly, but I’ve really dialed down reading news anymore. The sometimes sordid, over-sensationalized headlines tend to promote thought patterns/anxiety that just aren’t good for me. I’m a lot better off not reading about how a mother did (fill in the blank with something heinous). Really.
Back when I was more of a worrier someone reminded me that 80% of what we worry about never happens.
I told him that was why I worried - so it wouldn’t happen.
I still worry to a degree but devote a lot less energy and time to it.
My husband’s mantra is “worrying about tomorrow only robs you of your happiness today”. He’s totally correct but I struggle too. We lost our first child and ever since, I’ve been acutely aware of how suddenly and catastrophically things can change. The flip side of that is that when I start to stress about something that isn’t life or death, I can usually dial it back and remind myself that we survived the very worst, and everything else is going to be lots more manageable.
Also have problems with this. My husband is the opposite, doesn’t worry about anything, so I feel I have to worry for both of us. It’s really a problem with an adult child living at home. My daughter is accustomed to my panicked texts when she is out late and I hear about freeway disasters or police action. Sometimes she’s good about providing updates, but sometimes she forgets and my imagination runs wild. Some nights I just take a sedative, put in earplugs and sleep with the dog next to me- that works well.
Sometimes I am able to remind myself that catastrophic thinking is my monkey brain (my thoughts) doing what it was evolved to do — to be vigilant about potential dangers.
Then, sometimes I am able to remind myself that my monkey brain = non-stop thoughts – those thoughts are not necessarily a good indicator of reality and those thoughts are certainly NOT a crystal ball no matter how intensely I might feel those thoughts & how “real” those thoughts seem.
A trick from secular Buddhism/mindfulness is to observe the way your mind works and practice identifying & naming what’s what. Practicing and practicing and practicing observing & naming the thoughts can take some of the power away by putting “you” in the observation seat as your thoughts do their thing.
Just enough distance so you don’t get swept up and believe everything your monkey brain tells you.
Well, that’s how I think about it, when I remember! Also, I remind myself that my monkey brain is NOT very nice. I usually use a swear word or two to describe it.
Wow. I thought I was the only one. Everyone around me irl seems so well adjusted. My spouse died when the kids were little. I have been terrified of money issues and something happening to me or the kids ever since. It has gotten better each time one of the kids graduates high school and is no longer my physical responsibility. DD was home for the winter break and I had a real hard time sleeping while she was here, even though I was not consciously worried. I am just really aware of what could happen and that I am responsible for everyone else.
I am a pathological worrier. It drives my DH, who worries about nothing, completely batty.
When I was a junior in college, the man I had dated since 9th grade was killed in a tragic accident. I think this is when my worrying habit began. I learned early that your worst fears can come true.
I ordered that book you recommended, @merc81.
“With age also comes the realization that a) most things are fixable”
I have to disagree with this.
If a loved one is seriously ill with a terminal illness, it is not fixable.
If you lose your job near retirement age, and you do not have sufficient savings, it may not be “fixable.”
As one ages, there are more and more situations which are not “fixable,” yet one must deal with them anyway.
Catastrophes can and do happen. That doesn’t mean we must spend all our time imagining that possibilities will definitely become sure disasters.