<p>I need some advice from those who have been there. How do you remain supportive yet not intrusive during your college senior’s job search? My son shares very little. He has always done well academically and he does know the field he wishes to pursue. But he tells us nothing. Will not volunteer any info about his job search and will not answer any direct questions. My options seem to be to continue in this manner and hope he knows what he is doing or demand answers, which seems inappropriate. My stomach is in knots. Any advice?</p>
<p>Many, many hugs to you! </p>
<p>I am still recovering from our DS’s search almost 2 years ago.
Similar situation: capable, bright young man but very quiet about job search. I believe now that he was attempting to own it and assert his independence. At the time, he was just annoying. He had a brutal few months of numerous resumes out, first interviews, call backs and then…nothing. No offers. Finally, he was offered a part time position that morphed into FT after 6 months…he’s very happy there.</p>
<p>I resorted to sending our son emails with leads or suggestions or online links to pursue…and then letting it land wherever. IF he opened a discussion or asked for advice, we’d respond. Otherwise, we kept quiet. Tense few months in our house.</p>
<p>Best of luck and hoping for a good outcome for your son.</p>
<p>Ok, I am taking your method of sending emails with leads or suggestions as permission to do the same! I have restrained myself so far, but am quietly going crazy. And who knows, I might even uncover a good lead.</p>
<p>I’m right there with you! And I’m doing the same – sending links to potential job openings to my son. He’s told me that a lot of what I send him isn’t something that fits him, but he has actually followed up on a few of them. At least it keeps ME busy! It’s a tough time. Good luck to all.</p>
<p>I certainly did NOT intrude on D1’s job search when she graduated last spring, unless she asked for advice. Just reminded her that I expected her to be self supporting when she graduated, and that she was free to come home for a BRIEF time before a job started or if she was still looking. But trying to get the message across to her that she could not afford to be really picky, and could not expect to just hole up in her old bedroom at home with no job or grad school plans in sight. In my opinion it was her responsibility as a young adult to search.</p>
<p>I think I did suggest that she join LinkedIn and link up with older students who had graduated, professors, anyone from her internships, etc. But that is the extent of it. I would not have trolled on job websites or anything like that.</p>
<p>She found a very good job on her own through a student who graduated the year before she did from her college.</p>
<p>Both of my kids have jobs in their chosen fields from links we sent them. In this economy any extra help was welcomed by both of them.</p>
<p>One of my kids got a job from a link I sent him. </p>
<p>We have access to different resources than they do, and we search in different ways. So sending links is one way to help.</p>
<p>I would suggest sending links, but in no way making your son feel like less of a person if he struggles to find a position. My dad took the hands off approach and it took a solid 6 months of searching during my last year of grad school to land something. Other family members, however, made me feel useless because I didn’t have something lined up immediately.</p>
<p>Things are really tough for new grads in this economy, and it’s going to take some time. Just be supportive and let him vent if need be, and you’ll be okay</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure if my son was going to stay in his college region after he graduated so I did send some job opening announcements to him. He ended up finding his own job in that region. We told all our kids they were on their own after college so wasn’t really expecting a whole lot of talk, but he did share now and then after an interview. It will be interesting next spring to go through that “first real job” thing with S2. I don’t need nor want a ton of info from the kids, just the high points preferably :-)</p>
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<p>I think it’s helpful to explain exactly what this means when you talk to your student.</p>
<p>In some families, it is interpreted strictly. The college graduate cannot come home or count on any kind of financial assistance from the parents after graduation.</p>
<p>In other families, there is some flexibility. A brief period at home, being financially supported by the parents (and kept on their health insurance) would not be a problem.</p>
<p>This difference can be important if your child gets a good job offer but the start date is several weeks or months after graduation. One of my kids got a job offer well before May graduation for a job that would start in mid-July, with health insurance coverage beginning on August 1. </p>
<p>If your child got an offer like that, would it be possible for him/her to accept? This is something that the student needs to know.</p>
<p>I’m right there with you. Oldest will graduate this spring with double majors in Starbucks and Retail… er… English and Anthropology.</p>
<p>I smile and nod.</p>
<p>I encourage every avenue he talks about, no matter what I really think.</p>
<p>I am enthusiastically behind the plans he and a friend are making to spend a month knocking around Europe this summer, because he will never be this free again.</p>
<p>I share stories about his dad, his aunts, his uncles and me… And how we took awhile to settle on our eventual careers.</p>
<p>I have every bit of confidence that he will figure it out, that he will get “there”. </p>
<p>I am fully prepared that he will reoccupy his bedroom for at least awhile. Rents and the cost of living around here are very high. Many, many kids have bounced back home for awhile to build up a “nest egg”.</p>
<p>Marian, sure absolutely they could come home for a couple months, in fact my college graduate did come home for I think it was 6 weeks before his job started. It was great to see him because he hadn’t been home for that long since freshman summer. If he would have taken a job in our area, we probably would have put him in one of our apartments for a while if one was empty, but in general the kids understand that coming home and living like they did at 17 is not a viable option. But again, neither where he is now nor our home region are “high cost of living areas” so it’s not difficult to support yourself even on a low salary. He shares a house right now with 3 others and his rent is $350 a month plus a quarter of the utilities.</p>
<p>I have no problem with him returning home for a few weeks or months after graduation if necessary. I also have no problem helping him out financially for the first few months if he remains living where he is. I do have a problem with the lack of information he is providing us. I am concerned that he is not taking advantage of campus resources and I don’t understand why. I wish he would just tell me his plan, assuming he has one. I’m not going to be critical of any college senior who graduates without a job, as long as they are taking action. And that’s the crux of my concern, is he taking any action?</p>
<p>S2 graduated at the end of summer sch. 2012 with no job/prospects. He moved back home w/ us and got a p/t job while job searching. He got a job in Sept. through a tip from DH. DH heard through his work that a company he had dealt with previously was hiring.</p>
<p>It does seem to be a common theme that grads find jobs through connections and networking more so than job ads. And I believe this is part of his thinking. I keep reading that the economy is better this year and that 2013 grads should have it better than 2012. Hope so.</p>
<p>When I was a senior in college, it was also not a good economy. I spent a lot of time at the Career Center, I typed and mailed 55 letters on my first round of searching, got a couple of on-campus interviews with call-backs in NYC, and finally landed a job offer in April. I don’t recall my parents asking or saying anything to me about it, and I don’t think I discussed it with them. I knew moving back home was the last thing any of us wanted.</p>
<p>I’m right there with you, times 3!</p>
<p>This spring, S3 is graduating from college. S2 is graduating from his masters program. And DIL is finishing her MBA. All are on the job hunt.</p>
<p>Stressed…</p>
<p>In retrospect we wish our oldest had spent a month with before going off to his job on the other coast - then we could have had a last year of declaring him as a dependent!</p>
<p>I lived with my boyfriend (now husband) while job hunting after grad school. I was very lucky to have gotten a grant to do some research that supported me while I was job hunting. I might have lived with my parents, but they were on the other side of the world from the boyfriend and overseas to boot.</p>
<p>boysx3 - OMG! That’s a lot. </p>
<p>I actually wrote an email to my son earlier today, trying to explain why his lack of communication on this issue is bothering me so much. I don’t need or want a daily report, but a periodic update would help. I want to be helpful and supportive, but it is hard to be anything when you are in the dark.</p>
<p>We did the “smile & nod” thing as well. We were very pleased that he wanted D’s help with his cover letter but of course didn’t want to share ANYTHING with us. We were pleasantly surprised he did let us know when he had a few job offers IN HAND and wanted to talk about them. He also wanted to talk about the pros & cons of which ones to consider. We were happy to participate in his deliberations and very pleased with the choice he made.</p>
<p>Our D is a college SR & so far, we have not heard ANYTHING about her job search–deja vu, anyone? We’re hoping she’s make some progress, but are smiling & nodding now as well. She did ask us to send us her blazer so that was mailed and we keep our fingers crossed. </p>
<p>We should be seeing D in just two weeks, while we’re all in SF, which should be very fun!</p>