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<p>Your son knows you best. Perhaps now that he’s an adult, he doesn’t feel a need to update his mother.You can show support by offering advice only when asked. If we do this with our kids’ relationships with their SO’s, it should be the same with job hunting.</p>
<p>Hi RVM…as one who has just gone through this, I feel your stress through the Internet…</p>
<p>In my older daughter’s situation, she was more panicked than we were about the job market, so anything we said added salt to the wound so to speak…</p>
<p>If he is responsible, and has been independent about this in the past, trust that he knows how important this is and what he needs to do…and if he doesn’t, he will find out…and he will ask you for advice…if it comes to that…</p>
<p>I agree with the above posters: we made it very clear what we expected and how much help we were willing to give going forward…</p>
<p>One thing I will add: depending on the industry he is entering into, it may have a late hiring cycle…my daughter’s school sent out a letter to parents last January detailing that, in her industry, the hiring cycle is/was only 8-12 weeks out and that parents shouldn’t panic if their friends’ kids in finance/accounting already had jobs already…</p>
<p>Rockville - We are definitely in the same place! Just mailed S1 a letter (thinking he may not ignore something that arrive in the mail vs. an email) giving him some “suggestions” and expressing my concerns. If I knew he was giving it his all, I would be OK with him graduating without having landed a job. However, I don’t believe that he has his act together. I do know that he will be mighty unhappy if he has to return home to live!</p>
<p>RVM - Some kids are just more forthcoming than others, altho as parents that’s really hard to take at times. As S2 entered his senior year, we made sure he had an appropriate interview suit, but that was as involved as he wanted us to be. We suggested he use the career center resources, and occasionally sent links to relevant websites…just like others have done. But he never commented or told us what he was up to. On a visit home, while he’s letting us make suggestions about what he could be doing to facilitate the job search (and sitting there stonefaced), he casually mentions that he has a job where he’s been interning. He definitely didn’t want to discuss any of this with us and just wanted to present us with his successful end result. We were so concerned that he wasn’t taking the job search seriously, but he was.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions and support. I did get an email back from my son addressing my concerns. He has a very specific path in mind - and wants to roll the dice and try to pursue his passion. He has asked me to trust him - and to allow him to take some risks rather than playing it safe. And now that I have a better understanding - I’m ok with it. I’m still worried - but that’s what parents do.</p>
<p>I’ve stayed in the background so far, and have learned that having anyone ask D2 what she’s going to do when she graduates pretty much turns her into Linda Blair from Exorcist with her head spinning around…stressed much? Ha, just a little.</p>
<p>We’re far less concerned than she is. I’d like to see her take some time off and spend some time with family in Europe. Her first plan is to stay near where she is going to school (in the D.C. area), and coming back home is about Plan D or E. She’s the kind of kid who will be successful in whatever she does, and has never had aspirations for being in a highly lucrative field (living in a one-room cabin would suit her just fine). I actually could see her in the Peace Corps or some similar “thing”. She’s had such a great time in college with a very close-knit group of people, she’s not really looking forward much for that to come to an end, I’m afraid. This is a new thing for us…D1 went the Grad school route (and knew before she started undergrad that she would do that), so she’s still got 3 more years before her panic attack. Husband is in career #2 and I’m nearly set to reenter the job force doing ??? I’ve assured my youngest that none of us know what we want to do when we grow up, and she should just enjoy the ride. We’ll see…</p>
<p>Neither of my kids had jobs upon college graduation, although both were in hirable fields (economics and mechanical engineering) and had started the job hunt during senior year. H and I had no issue with each coming home to continue looking. We told D that our grad gift to her would be her health insurance coverage while she looked. Did same with S years later. </p>
<p>H and I actually did not want our kids to just grab the first job offered, but rather encouraged them to hold out for a good match that would work well for them for the long run.</p>
<p>I did forward job leads, articles on job searching, etc. They did keep me posted on responses/interviews. </p>
<p>It took both of them several months after graduation to become situated, but they ended up in really good spots for themselves. All it takes is one that works, and IMO they really appreciated the jobs they got as the process was not easy for them.</p>
<p>I tried to be supportive by telling them I was confident they would end up fine. As long as I saw activity (applications, interviews, etc.) I was OK. S (the engineer) did allow me to critique his cover letters, and he often took my suggestions, so I **hope<a href=“and%20think”>/B</a> he was appreciative. </p>
<p>As with so many things, if we knew the ending while we were going through the process it would have been so much easier all around.</p>
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Yes! This! It reminds me of the stress of the college admissions process - it all turned out just fine - but going through it was hell. It’s like reading a very sad or scary novel and just wanting to peak a chapter ahead and see if the character is still alive!</p>
<p>Some leads on email are appreciated. My mom went over board. She called me one day to let me know she saw a job in the paper and called to get info on it and somehow managed to set up an interview for me. I went because I didn’t want to be rude but I was so embarrassed by the whole thing. After that I told her she could email leads but under no circumstances was she to call, apply or email any of them!</p>
<p>I’m sure she was nervous for me and trying to help.</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID BIONIC using CC</p>
<p>Our Ds share just about everything career related with us and ask for advice as they are both very competitive. Probably a girl thing. D1 '10 had her job before graduation in the sports management/marketing field that she worked hard to find. D2 graduates this spring and will have to resign from her current accounting job when she starts grad school in July. The company said they would love to hire her when she finishes in a year if she wanted to come back. I think it would be foolish and it would drive me crazy if my kids weren’t willing to discuss options, network or follow leads that we have cultivated over the years. Why reinvent the wheel? ;)</p>
<p>It will be okay. He needs to do this himself. Vent here so you don’t stress him out with your worry. Because I’m sure he IS stressed out, and that is why he’s not sharing–doesn’t want to deal with your stress too. I’m not saying you are any different than me, I try to keep cool, etc–but my D can totally read my anxiety and I’ve found she’s way more forthcoming now that I’ve refocused and let her worry about her next steps on her own & only weigh in when asked (or every now and then, when I slip up!).</p>
<p>It’s not easy being the parent of a young adult–but I think back to how I was at that age, and I definitely did not give my mom a blow-by-blow of my own mid-recession job search. I’m sure she was worried, and she would def listen/be supportive, but she was NOT involved in the actual search.</p>
<p>I would only send links if he’s okay with that, or if you see something absolutely totally amazing that you KNOW he’d love. I wouldn’t a million leads. He sounds very smart, he knows what he’s doing–he’ll figure it out. There may be bumps, but he’ll do it.</p>
<p>And Fendergirl, that’s insane. That would be embarrassing.</p>
<p>fendergirl - loved that story. So good to know that there are parents crazier than me!</p>
<p>I am going to try to relax and trust that he knows what he is doing. And if he doesn’t - then this is the time for him to figure that out.</p>
<p>fendergirl, LOL! At least she didn’t go to the interview in your place… and start working there under your name. :D</p>
<p>My son graduated in December. I don’t think he even looked for a job before graduation. He is looking now, but it is slow going.</p>
<p>Gotta love those self contained, independent sons who tell you nothing. Ours had the disappointment of overreaching for grad schools in math, deciding to postpone graduation to pick up a second, comp sci, major then having a final interview finals week (he had been 2 grades ahead so 5 years of college with cheap tuition and some grad level classes worked). Came home after spring graduation and was supposed to hear a week later, didn’t but planned to go back to his college town apt. It was stormy so put off the parent driven trip another day. The phone call came in with a better than expected salary. He chose to start right away instead of waiting a month (they do beginning of the month started with a lot of orientation and training). Had to hurry and help him get a car and insurance with a holiday weekend in the mix (the bus was too impractical), he found parking near his apt and he was gone. It was funny the day he left- he asked when we were leaving- we had to remind him we didn’t care as he was driving his car, we weren’t making the round trip (again).</p>
<p>He, and we, were lucky he got a high paying job right away although there was nothing when he graduated. He happened to have a good major with good prospects in a good place. He has a young corporate culture- thank goodness he didn’t need plan B at a stodgy company in a less desirable town. Now we’re waiting for him to decide on grad school, I can’t imagine him not doing more given his intellect et al.</p>
<p>All we could do was to remind him that he needed to work or go to school and to apply sooner than later for jobs. We were in the dark as to his plans. We also had no networking we could offer as help. Survival is helped by divorcing yourselves from your child’s life. Letting go. He made it easier by excluding us from his life as much as he could years before. We actually talk to him more now than when he was in college, or even as a HS student living at home (behind a closed door).</p>
<p>We knew he would find a way to live away from home- we wouldn’t have survived living with each other. Really had to learn it is his life to live as he pleases. It is not our hopes and dreams for our child that matter.</p>
<p>I’m taking notes. S has just started college this year but it is good for me to prepare myself early.</p>
<p>Hi RVM. The job search process is very stressful. I think that a lot of college students are overwhelmed at the thought of entering the real world, so they decide to wait until after graduation to start job hunting. I would recommend encouraging your son to take advantage of on-campus career services and to cast a wide net. I think it’s also a good idea for parents to let everyone you know hear that your S is looking in case they can help. Good luck to your son.</p>
<p>My senior daughter calls me every day, but regarding any sensitive topic (boyfriend, job search, classes) answers in one-word sentences, such as “Fine.” “OK”. “Nothing”. After reading the above posts, I will be patient and not expect much conversation until something actually happens for her. I’ll focus on “Downton Abbey” and leave her be. The 20s can be a very hard decade in one’s life. Once she’s done with school and has a job, I think she will open up more.</p>
<p>I’m right there with the rest of you who have a young adult about to graduate and immersed in a job search. She does not share too much, and when she does, I am learning that follow-up questions on my part create stress on her part. I want to help, and I think I’ll ask if there is anything I can do. thanks for the thread…</p>
<p>We have been through this three times. Our older child was a dream. She is systematic and planful about everything, including feeding her parents enough information to keep us from butting in. She had plans and backup plans and backups to the backup plans. She had six or seven different versions of her resume that she used for different sorts of opportunities. She knew how to figure out things like moving expenses and deposits. (We had said she was on her own after graduation, but that we would be willing to help with transition financing.) </p>
<p>She was in the middle of executing Plan C (she had asked me to look at a lease for an apartment she and her roommate could afford if all they could do was part-time retail) when out of the blue she got a Plan B offer she thought was dead, and ten days later she had moved and was in a training program. Two years later, she went through another months-long job search, but this time she got interview after interview and could be quite picky about what she accepted. Again, she fed us just enough information to keep us from e-mailing her leads, and other “help” she didn’t want. She wound up getting hired by someone more or less in my wife’s network, but her new boss didn’t find out about the family connection until after the offer was made (different last names).</p>
<p>Our younger child . . . defensive, evasive, non-communicative, prone to temper tantrums and panic attacks. Horribly threatened by the whole thing, including his sibling’s more systematic, more successful approach. Every question, no matter how innocuous, every offer of advice or help, was a direct threat to his manhood. He, too, had a disappointing round of grad school applications, and so started his job search late and wrong-footed (despite, of course, having been prompted by his parents all along that he needed to be looking for a job in case grad school didn’t work). He was basically, it turned out, incapable of pursuing more than one job at a time. It was awful. I couldn’t even have a rational discussion with him about finances, in which I was offering him money.</p>
<p>We wound up giving him, as a gift, the ability to stay in his apartment in the city where he went to college an extra month to keep looking for a job there (where he wanted to live). But after that he was going to have to find a way to pay for something himself, or come home until he could. A month later, we (remotely) had rented the U-Haul truck for his move back home on a Sunday, but he refused to pick it up because he had an ambiguous voice mail from his only remaining live prospect that sounded like it might turn into a job offer Monday morning. (He still had to be out of his apartment Monday. He had told the potential employer he was leaving town for good that weekend if he didn’t have a job offer by then.) We were so exasperated! We were getting calls from the truck rental place, and he was refusing to answer our calls or (increasingly hysterical) texts!</p>
<p>Everything worked out fine in the end. He got the job (which he started on Tuesday), and a year and a half later, during which he has been entirely self-supporting, we are almost over the trauma.</p>
<p>JHS - OMG. That’s all I can say. OMG.</p>