<p>My beautiful, smart, funny and charmng daughter is feeling like she must be doing something wrong because no boys (slight exagertion) are interested in moving from the friend mode to the boyfriend mode. She has lots of guy friends, hangs out with a group of friends for movies, cafes, etc. She is not shy by any means, but she is not forward. She never calls boys. She does IM with them. I guess because she sees some of her friends with boyfriends (which last about a month), that she must not be attractive or “hot”…if you saw her, you would just laugh at her for thinking that.</p>
<p>She is very together in her life, in student gov, honor roll, volunteers, group of tight friends, and because of how she acts, many people think she is older…not in a bad way, but in a classy kind of way. </p>
<p>So what I am looking for is some insight, and perhaps some stories of girls who didn’t date much in highschool, but “recovered” nicely. I never had a boyfriend in highschool, and had one date, the prom. </p>
<p>I do not want my daughter to change, I just want her to really realize that not having a boyfriend is not a signal she is not attractive or appealing. I think she is afraid of having a reputation of being too serious with her schooling and work. Sigh, there could be worse things!!</p>
<p>So anyone out there with some stories to tell?</p>
<p>She’s 15. I am not sure she’s focusing on not having a “boyfriend”, just not feeling appealing. I guess she wants that chance to say no. And with some of her friends getting asked by some guy friends to the junior prom, she is wondering why that section of her life doesn’t match her friends…is that clear as mud?</p>
<p>well my 22 year old daughters experience in high school was quite different- she had a circle of friends that she did stuff with both boys and girls as well as a circle of friends from her volunteer job- the outside circle gave her support when high school was socially stressful.
She didn’t really have a sig other in high school, she had boys that were interested and some were just adorable but she didn’t like them in "that way’. i didn’ t discover until late in junior year that she is gay, ( a little after she came out at school)
I don’t know what to tell your D, but if she is interested in a boy- then make her move. Many boys are intimidated by attractive well spoken girls- idon’t think it is fair to expect them to make all the moves. If she is happy with the way things are- that is one thing- but if she isn’t, then it may be up to her.
Personally some of the best boyfriends I had, were ones that I made the initial step. Boys who pursue are often full of themselves and have a lot of attitude. I like the run silent run deep type and they are more likely to hang back unless given encouragment.
( plus it is really exciting to have that power- instead of waiting and hoping for the young man i liked to make the first step- by letting him clearly know that I was interested- it took pressure off him and speeded up the whole high school dating process. I was never turned down, which I think says more for the high school boys relief in having the pressure taken off, than it did for my magnetic personality.)</p>
<p>In 2005, moving to the ‘boyfriend’ stage often involves a heavy duty, intimate relationship with Big Time emotional drama.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, many boys are not interested in those intense quasi-marriage relationships. They don’t have the management skills for the drama and they avoid the situation. That’s been my observation anyway.</p>
<p>Don’t worry. In a few years, you’ll be fretting about the heavy duty boyfriend you’re not crazy about!</p>
<p>:] Tell her she still have time. Tell her to wait to get a boyfriend, xD because in college, I believe,that’s when guys are going to chase after her for who she is! o.o Besides if I were a guy, I think I would chase her. ^^</p>
<p>Thanks posters…I think my D’s situation is she is kind of traditional. And she would be, while not high maintenance, a challenge…I guess she is at that place of deciding whether to make a move or not…and I think her standards are very high, and perhaps the boys sense that. by high standards, I mean, involved in things, smart, funny, passionate about something, and not a flake…she is not concerned about looks, race, status…just maturity, honesty, personality…</p>
<p>Don’t all 15 year old girls feel this way?
15 is an impossible age for girls. I truly think they cannot be pleased no matter what. Give her a year or two and her perspective will change. I can’t say how, but I know it will be an improvement! :)</p>
<p>oldflowerchild - At our school, the junior prom is very well attended, but it seems that it is mostly the girls asking the boys to go. The boys don’t really care if they go or not, but usually agree to go, mostly to be polite, if asked by a girl. So she is definitely not alone in not having a boyfriend or having a boy ask her to they junior prom.</p>
<p>You could be talking about my 15 year old. I sometimes wonder if the boys are intimidated (her best subjects are math and science). Plus she is so busy with her own life and activities, she doesn’t have the time for a serious friendship. She was asked to the semiformal, but the boy hung out with his guy friends and she was with her girl friends - I don’t think they spent more than a half hour “together”. Like the others said, hopefully things will turn around when they are older. Fortunately, my daughter doesn’t seem bothered by it, so we are lucky.</p>
<p>Sorry, I don’t understand her attitude - she wants some guy to adore her enough to want to be her boyfriend, then wants to put him through a vetting process to make sure he is “involved in things, smart, funny, passionate about something, and not a flake…she is not concerned about looks, race, status…just maturity, honesty, personality…” What a hoot.</p>
<p>I’ll cut her some slack because she is young and trying to define herself (through her boyfriend, apparently.) But no one likes to be sized up and found lacking in boyfriend qualities; I’m sure she would be mortified if she were on the receiving end of such treatment. </p>
<p>Guys have flaws. Fifteen year old guys have significant flaws. Tell her that guys her age are a couple of years behimnd the girls, and things will change by the time she’s a senior.</p>
<p>There was an interesting article in Seventeen magazine, written by the twenty something editor, encouraging young girls NOT to date. She went on to say that she now appreciates that her mother discouraged dating before college because she and the others who were not spending all of their time with boys kept a focus on academics and have done much better in the world.</p>
<p>This rang true for me. The girls in high school that were “popular” are the ones who became pregnant, ended up in community college or with a bad job. They were serious about boys and not much else.</p>
<p>I’ve talked to my daughters a lot about this. I won’t discourage a young relationship, but I’ll keep tabs if it becomes a major priority. Meanwhile, I’ll just hope they take their time. </p>
<p>Interestingly, my 15 year old high school freshman reports that almost no one at her private school, in her grade, has a boyfriend. My best friend’s daughter, same age, at our local public school, reports that you’re weird at her school if you don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not sure what to make of this.</p>
<p>I never dated in high school. Never. At graduation, I was still in the “never been kissed” stage. I wasn’t interested in dating, and boys were NOT interested in me (there were exactly two who were - one who now realizes that he is gay, and one who still is). I really thought, deep down, that nothing would ever change. Actually, it was a fairly miserable time in my life - people say that if you are happy with yourself (check), with your friends (check), and your interests (double check), then love will happen. It doesn’t - and I def. started to wonder what was wrong with me. </p>
<p>College changed all that. They say that you can get rid of your high school reputation, and it’s true. Some of it was that geeky was suddenly cool, doing math was suddenly cool (well, for girls - it was always good for boys), and no one thought less of anyone for working hard. Still shy, still introverted - but there was a sea change between high school and the second semester of college. One of my friends still teases me about it - guy from math class on the phone, guy from high school on IM, and two guys in the room - AT THE SAME TIME. </p>
<p>There has been ebb and flow since then - thankfully - but I think that a lot of it is that it took a while for the guys to mature. They will appreciate a more mature girl (or be less intimidated) when they catch up. It’s hard for a 17-year-old guy to not be intimidated by a girl who acts like a twenty-something… but a 20-something guy and same girl is a different story.</p>
<p>Midwesterner, that is not what I said…she is not trying to define herself through a boyfriend…that fact that she DOESN"T look at the surface, is something I admire…and we all know guys Never size up girls…</p>
<p>She is not bothered by it, she is more wondering, there is a difference you know… I am sure my D does scare some boys because she is so confident with most things, this is just one aspect of her life. </p>
<p>I have always told her boyfriends are not big deal, but just coming from mom is not always enough…some of the peer pressure is edging in, and she is asking herself questions about her choices, decisions, and wants. Very noble.</p>
<p>Some friends are trying to “help” and give “advice”, so that made my daughter wonder. </p>
<p>She doesn’t want a boyfriend, is just wondering why no one seems interested. Very normal.</p>
<p>You can tell her it’s the boys not her. I have a 15 yr old boy. He nor any of his friends have girlfriends. I think that they are basically lazy and busy doing what they like to do to pay to much attention to dating. Mine has had a few girlfriends. And the girls were the one’s doing the calling. They have seemed to play out more on extended school trips. Once home he couldn’t be bothered to give the girl any of his time. His buddies and game of texas hold um was calling his name.
I know at dance time they made a collective decision that it really didn’t interest them.<br>
My son once said to me that since none of them could drive and their parents didn’t encourage dating why bother to have a girlfriend. A friend of his said he was waiting till he was older to have a girlfriend so that when he did he would be old enough to get some benefit from it. ( I didn’t ask him to elaborate).
With his friends I also saw an interest in boyfriends and girlfriends in 6th and 7th grade and now that they are soph. the interest is just not there at all.</p>
<p>as the mom of a son, I agree. Many boys are just not interested in dating and “girlfriend” stuff at that age. Some of them won’t be interested until college.</p>
I think I would chase her. ^^</p>
I still don’t act my age. ><;</p>