You’d think this would be easy but i’m fumbling how to approach. The situation – my college son has a new girlfriend and we’re meeting her next week for first time at a local restaurant. Wonderful…looking forward to it. Then it gets awkward…where is she going to stay over the next few days? My kid has several friends who have had their college girlfriends stay with them in their rooms when they visit mom & dad but that’s just not going to happen. And – given the number of guests we have with us this week plus my other college kid home – there’s no space in our house. If he were, say, 30, and bringing home a girl that he was serious about…okay, well, cool…same room…i’ll be in dementia by then anyway so I won’t have a clue…but having my just-turned-20-year-old with a girl i just met in his room in our smallish urban home?
And here’s where it gets really awkward…he might not even be thinking that…but i feel like i need to bring it up now in case there’s a 1% chance that he is assuming this.
Gawds. Thank goodness for our custom of heavy drinking on the holiday itself.
I would feel as you do! I would just say, “Son, we’re looking forward to meeting your new girlfriend, but you need to arrange a place for her to stay while she’s here.” Just spit it out and get it over with! I know my 23-year-old would probably go ballistic, but hey, that’s his problem! It’s our house!
I would just ask him where she’s staying during her visit. Surely she has made arrangements. If not, it’s better to clear this up now rather than later. Thankfully you have a legitimate “out” (this time)
You tell your son you are having other guests and there isn’t room.
But really, no room? No couch or she can’t share a room with his sister? Another relative have room nearby? My daughter sometimes stays at my sister’s with her boyfriend because my house really doesn’t have any room.
She doesn’t have to stay in his room. We split up all the time and sleep wherever it works out. We have some air mattresses so there can be people sleeping in the study, on the family room floor, or just anywhere there is room. My brother has a couple of camper vans and those get used if the weather is right. Your son could give up his room to her, and he could sleep on the couch.
DH and I had a similar dilemma a few months ago when our son wanted to bring his GF (of about a year) to our cabin. Usually DH and I have a bedroom, any boys staying have a bedroom and all the girls have a bedroom. This time it was just me, DS and his GF. I was prepared to be lenient because I would always rather have them come to spend time with us and not make anyone feel unwelcome. I was delighted when they were debating whose room to put the dog stuff in (her dog). I know their arrangements in their own homes are different than they were that weekend, but out of respect for me they chose seperate bedrooms. In your situation, because they’re not dating long, why not just ask “Where will she be staying?” Maybe she already made some arrangements.
I like the approach here…my first move is “where will she be staying?” and that way I don’t get myself into an awkward situation when there wasn’t one to start out with.
I think that old adage “this is our house!” is awful. It’s as bad as telling a 5 year old “because I told you so!”
I would start the conversation by asking are there are plans to where she will stay. If there are already plans, all is solved - and congrats to them, as young adults they worked out a plan.
If there are not plans or your S wants her to stay at your house, I would be honest. Say the house will be full. Say you’re not comfortable with her in his room. See where the discussion goes from there. But I have to say the same, is it not possible for there to be a spot somewhere for her? Maybe your son would give up his bed for her?
And who knows…maybe they have made plans for her outside of your home…and maybe he is planning on staying at that place too because he knows your house will be full!
If your son is expecting his GF to stay at your house, couldn’t she use your son’s room? He could bunk on the couch or in a sleeping bag in his sibling’s room.
I’d simply ask where she will be staying. If it is assumed she’ll be staying to your home, there is still time to nix that idea, and if you are in a position to do so, I would suggest you rent them a nearby AirBnB for a couple of nights to alleviate any awkwardness and to curb hurt feelings.
I’d make room on a couch or borrow an air mattress or sleeping bag. She might be your DIL someday. Okay to say she can’t share a room with him, but I’d say welcome her into your house if you possibly can.
I was brought up in a conservative house and still am that way. There is no way I’d let them sleep together. Even at our cottage and out of school, the unmarried sleep in separate bedrooms.
But I do think you might be a teeny bit unreasonable not letting her crash in his room and her on the sofa.
I would start out by asking her plans. If she has none, I’d say she’s welcome to stay, but he has to crash on the sofa.
They are probably not going to have sex while at your house, that’s just creepy to kids of that age. If you can’t figure out something else, check out air BNB near you and get her a room. I would be gracious to his girlfriend in the slim chance it is a long term relationship.
I’ve never cared if son’s gf slept in his room, but it’s your prerogative to have different rules. Just don’t be surprised if next holiday (or t’givI got next year) he chooses to go to the gf’s house, not yours.
We are not conservative, but my rule is that I have to know the person at least a bit before extending an invite to stay at my house. I don’t run an Airbnb. B-) We welcomed kids’ friends, but there were some guys our kids dated very (briefly!) that I would not want to stay in my house.
My MIL did this when we were dating. We were young professionals and not in college, but still. For a while, it kind of made me think she thought I was possibly promiscuous.
I agree with her taking his room and him sleeping on the couch.
I went to boarding school in CT, I lived in MA and my boyfriend lived in NY. Even though we were in high school our parents let us visit each other but we slept in each other’s guest bedrooms.
DH and I started dating my freshman year in college. He lived far from our school and could not go home on short breaks so came to my house often. He got the extra bedroom when there was room and the couch when there was not. There was no way my parents were letting us sleep in the same room even though they knew we did in college. To be honest I wouldn’t have wanted to - it would have been weird! We did not share a bed at my mom’s house until after we were married and that was almost 9 years later when we moved in with them for a few months between our lease ending and our move to FL. It was still kind of weird. :))
