My son is bringing girlfriend home for Thanksgiving this year - 1st time. I do have a spare room so no problem there. I just told him upfront that with his 17 year old sister at home, I thought it would be best if girlfriend sleeps in guest room. So I guess I threw my D under the bus rather than argue over sleeping arrangements!
S already lives 10 hours away - I want him (and girlfriend) to feel welcome because I want him to look forward to coming home for the holidays.
Decades ago, my parents handled this situation very well. They put me and my boyfriend in sleeping bags out on the landing just outside their bedroom door in the condo we had rented at Lake Tahoe. I can assure you we were very well behaved.
I would make it a priority to find some guest space for the girlfriend (assuming my son would like her to visit out family and stay with us).
There is nothing that will destroy a relationship with an adult child like the parent not fully welcoming the girlfriend or the boyfriend. It doesn’t sounds if there are any reasons not to welcome her. Guess space for her would be my top priority as would be getting to know her during the visit.
My philosophy, with college students, was give them separate rooms, but make it easy for them to wander at night. Luckily our old and rambling house was conducive to this type arrangement.
Kids are grown with kids of their own. I still think this was the right approach. Especially since sometimes I was unclear exactly how intimate various relationships were and I wasn’t going to ask. We had lots of guests. Much easier with a big house. Imo
How many people are you hosting for the holidays OP?
I have to go against the grain here and say that I would not love to have a brand new significant other staying over for the first time if I was hosting a big family gathering. Holiday times can be stressful enough without adding in an awkward unknown.
When hubby and I dated the rule at my parents house was him on the couch, me in my room. We were not welcome to share a room until we were married. The first time I went to hubby’s parents house, we were newly dating and they were okay if we shared a room. I chose a separate room.
I’d find space in the house, but not share a room.
In the event he does want his girlfriend staying at your home – could you have HIM sleep on the living room couch, and her in his room? Seems that would work for everyone involved - and with minimal fuss.
I agree with others – where is he sleeping. GF get his room. He gets a tent out back. Put the sacrifice on him.
The other option is to let them sleep in the same room/bed, but remove the door. 
I’ll join the club suggesting he sleep on the couch or a sibling’s floor in a sleeping bag/air mattress, etc., and give the girlfriend his room. I think that’s a better scenario than “put your girlfriend up in a hotel” (what happens when girlfriend is dropped off at hotel?) not to mention much more welcoming. If I were girlfriend’s parent, I would much prefer she stay at your house.
^^ Haha.
Remember that even if this relationship doesn’t work out you are setting the stage for other relationships down the road and signaling to your son either a welcoming hand or not.
Now if there just TRULY isn’t room, I think you can express that to him if he’s thinking she will stay with you. It would be nice if you could share that with real regret that there isn’t room. Sound though like that wouldn’t be the case.
I think figure this out really soon. Like, really soon.
It is your house, your rules, but it is his home too and I’m sure you have let him have guests in the past.
But still your rules and they can sleep apart. My mother was raised by an aunt. She retired to Florida and found a boyfriend. They didn’t get married because of retirement fund issues, so they just ‘lived in sin’. They came to visit my mother and they were assigned separate rooms, mostly due to what was available, but he was on the first floor because of mobility issues and that meant my brother’s room with the twin beds. My mother didn’t feel comfortable with letting them share this room (which was ridiculous) but her house, her rules. My great aunt was in her 70’s and the boyfriend was about 85.
You can make this work and be welcoming.
Do you even know IF your son is expecting this gal to spend the weekend?
Find that out…first
I always find these discussions eyeopening for the range of reactions to college kids and sexual intimacy. I just don’t see the issue. I know it is going on. I would think it strange if it wasn’t going on past a certain age and stage - it’s healthy. My kids are always welcome to bring their friends - romantic or not - home. I’m sure there has been sexual intimacy in my home by my kids but I’ve never been aware of it. They’re smart and mature enough to be discreet. It’s their business not mine.
I’m clearly in the minority here, but what do I know, I’m just a college student.
If the kid has already made arrangements for his GF to meet his parents next week at a restaurant, and has not told his mom anything to the contrary, I would assume that the girl has a place to stay afterwards. For all we know, said place might be sharing a motel room with the son. But if there is an unstated expectation on the kid’s part the the GF would be staying at mom’s house, then the OP needs to give me her son’s number and I’ll talk sense into him. Given the OP’s answers to some questions in the thread, though, I’m thinking that the son knows better than to try to spring this surprise.
So I think it’s fine that the OP ask “Where will she be staying” before getting worked up about how to tell (or if to tell) the son that she can’t stay at the house.
Oh, @skieurope. You are so much more mature than the average college student. I know LOTS of males (of all ages) who won’t have considered the logistics of this (or might make assumptions that don’t match what their parents think). But I agree that the first step is to ask S what the plan is from his viewpoint.
@intparent It’s the restaurant thing that gives me pause. We don’t know which side initiated the restaurant planning/meeting, but I would think that if the son expected the GF to stay at the house, there would have been some comment like “Great idea. We’ll drop our stuff off then we can all go to the restaurant together.” And even if the son, like many of us males, did not consider logistics, the GF would likely have said something.
I’ll also add since this is one of the OP’s concerns, having a GF in the house, particularly a house full of guests, does not mean that they will be having sex. Even if one assumes that they are acting like bunnies back on campus, from my own experience, nothing is more of a wet blanket than knowing that the parents are on the other side of the wall.
I do as well.
Obviously, parents have the right to make whatever policies they want regarding sleeping arrangements in their homes. And clearly when the people in question are very young, there is a very appropriate duty to protect them from situations that could harm them, such as sex before they are physically and emotionally ready. But still, I’ve always found it interesting how very uncomfortable some people are with the thought that their adult children are sexually active. Some are in complete denial (one CC mom said that she thought her 26 y/o son was a virgin because he had never had a serious girlfriend to her knowledge). Others are not in denial but are still extremely distressed by the mere thought of it happening in their homes, even if it were to be completely discreet. My DH is like that, and our D1 and her fiance have been living together for several years.
I remember one CC member who said that her parents did not allow their oldest daughter to sleep in the same room as her husband while visiting them because it would somehow traumatize the younger teenage sister. Yet they saw nothing odd about themselves sharing a bed in the house with this oh so impressionable younger child.
There isn’t necessarily a right or wrong viewpoint on this, it’s just one of those human things that I find rather intriguing. And I’m not insinuating that any of the above comments describe the OP’s point of view, it’s really the subject in general, and it makes me think of many past CC threads about the subject.
This is what blow up mattresses were made for.
I think you should tell your son that his GF is welcome in your home, but she needs to sleep in his room and HE needs to find a couch or floor to sleep on. (and make sure his sleeping area is kept tidy)
Like skieurope, I’m guessing this is a total non-issue. If the son only mentioned having lunch together at a restaurant, it’s hard for me to fathom he intends to bring her home as an overnight house guest. If he does plan to do so, there are bigger issues here IMO - poor communication in the family and poor manners on the son’s part.