Ha. I had wondered… 
We had a reverse awkward moment a few years ago. D and her significant other were coming for thanksgiving. They were living in different hiuses and hadn’t travelled much together, and the relationship was new, so you never know. . I had to ask if she wanted one or two rooms…(they were both over 25),… because we had a pretty full house for Thanksgiving that year and somebody was going to be on an air mattress n matter what. Really not a conversation you want as a mom…I left it as “here’s the air bed , the study has a door, your old bedroom does also, see you in the morning. “
I would welcome the GF and any other guests that my kids might want to bring home. However, unmarried couples will not be sharing a room at my house.
Wait, @skieurope. Skimom reads CC?!?
Does anyone else remember the movie On Golden Pond, where Norman (Henry Fonda) is ribbing Bill Ray (Dabney Coleman) about sharing a room with his daughter Chelsea (Jane Fonda)? Great movie and fantastic scene.
Everyone will have their own opinion on this topic, but if these “adult” children are sleeping together at school, I really don’t see the point in separating them in the home. While it might be unlikely that they fool around given the lack of privacy, making it seem forbidden might just have an unintended consequence - and really… who cares?
Just don’t let Ethel catch you.
@4kids4us lol, I will admit I wondered if you were saying you were gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Am I the only parent here who knows for a fact their child wouldn’t assume a “NEW” gf/bf would be a welcome overnight guest? If this particular scenario came up for us, there would be a discussion at the same time I found out about meeting at the restaurant. My feelings about a sleepover would depend on the circumstances. I just don’t think either of my kids would approach the idea anyways.
My S brought his girlfriend, now fiance, home nearly a year after they started dating and I welcomed them both and set up the basement apartment for them with lots of privacy and space. They were 24 and 22 and came to visit from MD for 3 or 4 nights, where he was stationed and she had just graduated from college. I knew when he brought her home that it was serious and I never questioned the morality of their sleeping together. They moved in together just a few months later. But that’s very different from a new relationship while still in college.
@NEPatsGirl yes of course I think most would say. “after I met her where is she staying” but then we wouldn’t have this fun post ;).
Can’t believe we are still waiting to hear. Maybe OP can text her son… Ha… Lol…
This post had me bring up the conversation with my single and not dating 22 yo. Her opinion, she wouldn’t think of having a boyfriend stay over in her room. We both agreed it wouldn’t happen until she was engaged. At this point she does not plan on living together before marriage.
Can’t wait to hear more from OP!
@skieurope – It depends on which posts skimom is reading. Lots of folks had said they woudn’t have a problem with the gf staying in the S’s room. I’ll chime in as one of them.
So, we’re not all “prudish Americans”.
It sounds like you are sure this is a real GF and that they are sexually active (which is what I would assume from the scenario you have described .)
I would leave room though for the possibility they are not and that it could be awkward for one or both of them to throw them together in a bedroom. Of course, after your leopard stealth recon mission, you’ll know.
I tend to think offering separate accomodations ( couches count!) with wandering possibilities is the least likely way to create issues.
Even if they were long-term domestic partners? Have you thought that through?
“We are looking forward to meeting Susie Q. Will she be spending the weekend with our family.?
Ask.
And if yes…i would figure out a way to welcome this young woman. No one brings a significant other home to meet the family on a holiday weekend unless it’s a serous relationship.
Was this for this weekend or the holiday weekend?
If just this weekend, ask, and if she has nowhere to go, mention inflatable mattress. Or is our son expecting not to stay home and be wherever she plans to be?
Inflatable mattress in both cases but even more important to show hospitality if it’s Thanksgiving.
So…is he bringing her for Thanksgiving after introducing you all at the restaurant?
Does she have family with whom to spend the holiday?
Even if this weren’t a girlfriend, if she didn’t have family with whom to spend the holiday, I’d invite her. I couldn’t bear to think of her being alone on the holiday because of whatever issue.
Inflatable mattress in the office or in the living room or basement…
If I got teased the next morning, I probably would have quit visiting altogether!
I’m reminded of my deceased dad…he had very high ‘morals’ (‘morals’ = my father’s word and unattainable for most!); 20+ years ago, he would not allow my divorced uncle to stay at their (my parents’) home with his new partner (they’ve since been together 25 years), and my father refused to stay under the same roof with me and my then husband-to-be until we were married. (23 years and counting) His ‘morals’ created an awful tension and, for a time, a rift…I still cringe with embarrassment when I think of this; my then husband to be (30+ years old at the time) was both puzzled and mortified by my father’s ‘morals’
Full disclosure - with having a much younger kid in the house, I would probably do separate rooms but I am not there yet with my boys so maybe I will care less when they are older. But you can explain the need for separate rooms and still be very welcoming to your son’s GF. I do not understand all the drama about this and feel you are really risking getting off on the wrong foot with someone who could potentially stay in your life if the relationship gets serious. I consider it the utmost flattery that your son has invited this girl to meet you during the holidays. Take that for the gift it is and try to figure out how to welcome her so she wants to come back.
Apparently many people do care very much that THAT is not happening in THEIR house!
I have always told our young adults (now 29 & 31) that they are welcome to bring anyone home with them. So far, neither has but S has expressed appreciation for the offer, especially now that he’s been having a GF for nearly 2 years now.
We have never gotten down to. Who will be sleeping where. I would be fine with wherever my kids suggest and would go and get or borrow an inflatable air bed or borrow a futon. At this point I don’t envision any drama.
Our walls in our home are very thin, but the kids know that. They’ve overheard us talking, even when they can’t make out the words. I’m sure they will factor that into their conduct.
Our kids aren’t living with a BF/GF and haven’t so far as we know.
I would first ask what his expectations are - it might not be an issue if she already has other plans. If he wants her to stay, work together to figure out appropriate accommodations, and explain that arrangements are going to be tight with others staying over. No assumption needs to be made about their relationship. Perhaps they will eventually be in a long term relationship, or perhaps they will end up being close friends. Either way, it is nice to open your home.
My brother was 5 years older than me, and brought several friends home to visit many times. We lived in Boston, closer to school (West Point) than many of his classmates. His first Thanksgiving he brought two friends (I believe one was a roommate) from Texas and Oklahoma. Another time he showed up half a dozen friends (they were attending the Army/Harvard football game), including 1 female who ended up staying in my room while the “boys” all crashed on his floor. He and “Cookie” are still close friends, but never dated. Focus on the “friend” part of girlfriend, and all will be well!