The most remarkable thing about this thread to me is that the OP didn’t just ask her son what his intentions were, and as far as I can tell, still hasn’t. Apologies if I missed a post that addresses that.
LOL, I’m with you, @Nrdsb4
About 10 years ago my mom (who was then 79 or so) was visiting my sister. My sister, who was waiting for her divorce to be final, boyfriend had moved in so, obviously they were sleeping together. Both my sister’s daughters (who were in their early 20’s at the time) were there with their boyfriends and sleeping together. My mom laughed and said that she couldn’t have imagined this scenario taking place 60 years ago when she was that age. Times change.
Not sure if times have changed or if the level of openess has changed…
Reminds of a trip to my uncle’s house when I was a year or so out of college. I was in his city on business and two friends joined me for a long weekend—one male and one female. He asked no questions in advance or when we arrived about relationships. He simply told us of places available for sleeping, said goodnight and went to bed himself. The three of us had wasted no thought on it in advance and there was no awkwardness about it there either. I have always appreciated the hospitality he showed me and my friends and especially that he treated us like the young adults we were.
When we traveled with my DS’s GF I set up my DS and DD to share a room as they always have on vacation and gave the GF her own room downstairs. Did DS spend time there? I have no idea. Not my concern. I do think the GF deserved some private space and we had some “just the family” time when she retreated to that space. Good for all.
OP, I know you came asking for some help and support with a new parenting situation you found yourself in. I have done the same thing at times. Sometimes I get wonderful advice. I hope that you have been able to get other perspectives and take what you will for your own comfort level. We are all so different. You don’t owe anybody here an explanation of what you decide to do. Sometimes, I would even advise against it. Hope it all works out well.
Well said @conmama
I just want to add when I visited my now spouses family (who are much more religious than my family) I was completely a taken back by the two of us being “assigned” to the same room. Holy cow I was so uncomfortable! This never would have happened in my parents house. Just food for thought that you never know what to expect!
I just told my DH about this thread and his immediate response was “of course they’d be in separate rooms”. So funny because he was singing a different tune as a young adult ; ). This has been a great thread OP. Thank you for giving us all food for thought!
That’s my DH exactly. Certainly perfectly fine for him and me (and other past girlfriends), definitely not okay for ADULT daughter. Hypocritical in my view, and I told him so. Didn’t faze him at all. He was perfectly content to argue that he’s allowed to change his mind about the right or wrong of various things, conveniently long after the fact of his own enjoyment of them.
D finally told him that she respected his opinion on it and his right to enforce rules in his own home. She then told him that all future visits would involve them getting a hotel room. She was almost 27 y/o when she told him that, fiance was 31. DH decided he would rather have her company that die on that hill.
We’re long past this point with our Ds but when they were college-aged, we always welcomed any young man they brought home and it was left up to them as to what sleeping arrangements they wanted. By that age, they were making all kinds of adult decisions, and I certainly never wanted to discourage them in any way from wanting to visit us and to share their friends and significant others with us. I have always felt that there were far more important battles then who is sleeping where, when you know darn well that they already doing so at school.
@sylvan8798 Yes, I have thought it through and I don’t expect that my kids would ever think otherwise, just like I would have never thought about doing something like that at my parents house. I fully understand that I can’t control what they do when they are on their own, but knowingly allowing it to take place in my house would be completely compromising my beliefs, which is something that I can’t do for anyone nor should anyone expect that. If one of my kids was married and they stayed with me then that is fine, I have no issues with sex, but I don’t believe in sex outside of marriage and I expect people to be respectful enough to abide by my wishes in my house. I think that is reasonable.
I remember my mom struggling with this when I brought my boyfriend, now husband (of 32 years), home when I was in college. Her attitude changed completely a couple years later when she found herself single after being married for 25 years.
I think the “sleeping in the same room” issue is different from “sleeping at the house”.
I agree that the college son should be respectful of his parents’ choices wrt sleeping arrangements.
However if my son had invited his girlfriend (either out of kindness or to “introduce” her) I’d never tell her she can come for the holiday but has to pay for a hotel room.
@southernhope: what happened?
As you can see your query led to a spirited discussion between parents, most of whom I’m sure are facing or have faced the same situation either as students or as parents 
Post #36: “Some are in complete denial (one CC mom said that she thought her 26y/o son was a virgin because he had never had a serious girlfriend to her knowledge).”
This bothered me.
How is “she thought her 26yo son was a virgin because he never had a serious girlfriend” an example of a mom “in complete denial.”
While virgins are in the minority among 26 yo men, they do exist.
Although the mom could be mistaken, it is reasonable to think that someone who has never been in a serious relationship might be a virgin. (And the mom likely knows other things that strangers on CC wouldn’t know–like why her son has never been in a relationship–maybe he’s an introvert/has ASD, etc.)
It is unreasonable to assume that someone must be sexually active based on age alone.
S will be coming home in December and his SO will be visiting for a week after Christmas. I asked H today whether we should discuss the “arrangements” and he said he wasn’t getting involved. So I guess we’re leaving it up to them.
Vive le double standard.
@sylvan8798 My H would have the same reaction. The sleeping arrangements for the SO’s of our college age and older kids would be a non-issue in our house. No different than any other adult couple staying with us over the holidays or on vacation. Worrying about the ‘kids’ having sex seems pointless to me. If they are so inclined, they will find a car, out building, woods etc. I know I did at that age. But I would warn my kids that it is not uncommon for parents to put unmarried couples in separate rooms so don’t be surprised when they visit their SO’s families. My own parents were a bit wigged out by my SO (later husband) sharing a room together so we ended up staying with his parents. It wasn’t so much the sleeping restrictions as that it meant they were obsessing about something so private to us and it kind of wigged me out that they were thinking about our sex life (eww). I became close with his parents while my H never became close with mine.
OP here.
Humiliation adverted.
Mine, that is. Turns out that we’re meeting new GF for dinner tomorrow but then she (and family) are traveling to boston for t-day…and she’ll be gone all week. But turned out to be good because I was able to have a conversation with my son that i’m cool with overnight guests but just not comfortable with new GFs or BFs in the bedrooms overnight…but we’d work things out as to other places to stay!
thanks all. On to new uncomfortable moments, I"m sure!
Wonderful! Enjoy your holiday!
Fantastic!
Thanks for letting us know and thanks for starting this thread
Have a great holiday!
South Hope: are you meeting just the girlfriend, or her parents as well?