@alh eww… A whole new discussion… Lol…
I can’t help it … really invested in the story at this point. 
Wonderful! Glad you were able to not have to deal with the situation right away, but able to set guidelines for the future. Win-win!
I’m sort of having to react/change my way of thinking too, there is a chance DS might be moving out of state next year with his GF and of course, living together.
I was brought up that that is not appropriate and it became my way of thinking, too. But I have to swallow those feelings to not alienate DS or his GF, who might be my DIL one day. Also, as I age I realize my relationships with my kids are more important than my archaic way of thinking.
Oh good.
I’ve changed my way of thinking, too @conmama. My S and D are both living with their SOs now. They are adults so it is their choice and I need to be as accepting of that as I would of other people making that choice.
My S will be bringing his gf for a week at Christmas, and they will stay in his room. I’m fine with that. (They are mid-20s).
Curious as to what exact the problem is with living together, other than that is the way you were raised to think? I find with many issues if I take a step back and analyze the situation with an open and practical mind, any engrained prejudices that we’ve been taught fall away. Two consenting adults in a loving relationship I have zero issue with. Marriage is a social construct built upon historical practices that are often antiquated in 2018.
Things have changed so much since I was “fresh out of college” in the 70s. I have two friends that married because of the parental disapproval of living together. One told me that she and her H planned their wedding in a week so they could live together. I think they divorced after a few years. The other pushed her BF to marry so that “she could live openly with the man she loved.” (Her words) They were already living together, but he wasn’t allowed to answer the phone (remember those days??). They were married for 27 years, until death did them part.
My objection to living together has more to do with the logistics if they break up, especially in cities where rents are pricey.
@doschicos , it was the way I was raised. As I said, antiquated. Ingrained from my father.
Would the logistics be any different if they married…and then divorced? No.
@colorado_mom That could easily happen in a marriage, too, and even more easily with platonic roommates, a necessity for many living in expensive cities.
Sounds like you realize it then makes no sense to get judgmental about it, @conmama. There are lots of things that we were taught back in the day that we now realize we were silly to concern ourselves about. I was taught that girls didn’t call boys, I worked in an office where women didn’t wear pants and had to wear pantyhose. I could go on. I’m glad we’re more enlightened these days (although there is still much room for improvement).
I’ll give my two cents on the living together situation. I was a little awkward when my son and his fiance decided to live together. I realized that my awkwardness was not so much that I objected to it (my goodness, they had dated for 5 years at that point and went through 4 years of college apart - they paid their dues!) but it was that I was a little embarrassed as to what others would think. I got over that pretty quickly.
Honestly I don’t object to seeing HOW you live together before you’re married and figure it out. Just because they lived together didn’t take away from their marriage and newlywed status. After all, not living together or living together it’s still a chance for a lifetime of years together.
Well, I would say I still don’t think it’s the best thing to do. But I don’t react and do think things through a bit more than he.
My husband and I lived together for a year before we were married. We were engaged and bought a house together about four months before our wedding. Just happily celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.
Yes.
When 2 people are married, there is a financial obligation/contract. Even without financial obligation, there is a sense of “for better or for worse,” in trying to work out whatever issues you may have. If you are not ready to make that commitment yet then it is better to have a place you could go back to just in case. I would not want my kids to stay in a living situation with someone just because they didn’t have a place to go to - save that for marriage.
My problem with living together is based on religious beliefs, and honestly it is not just living together but sex outside of marriage. Sometimes you don’t know what is going on in a relationship(unless they discuss their sex life openly), but living together would imply that they are most likely having sex. Not my choice to make, but it is my choice to make rules for my house. I also will not tolerate bad language in my home, if it is a guest I might let it slide once but then I would have to ask them to refrain from such in my presence. I feel that it comes down to respect, just like the fact that no one ever brought alcohol into either of my grandparents houses(even though there were definitely some that drank) because they had enough respect for them to abide by their wishes.
@oldfort I agree.
I am saying…the logistics would be just as difficult or more so if the couple was married.
And a lot depends on the relationship, and how long, and how old the folks are. And where they live. In some areas, it’s mighty pricey to have two different places to live. Some young couples want to save that money so they have a good deposit on a different place or a down payment for purchase.
But unless there is some commitment direction…no folks should not live together.
But I think the logistics reason isn’t a good one for saying coulples shouldn’t live together.
Interestingly, that is one of our considerations in renting our apartments. We try not to rent to “uncommitted couples” or roommates, because if one of them moves out and the other one cannot afford it, then the invariably break the lease. In which case, there is no point to a lease in the first place. At least if people are married it takes a bit more struggle for them to be split.
Would you choose your religion over your child? Not judging, but curious on this, since people do have differing answers. I’m glad that I don’t have to make that choice. There is never any question that my children are first, but then, I’m an atheist.
At the same time, if a child is raised by a parent who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage then I would hope the child would have enough respect for his/her parent to not throw it in the parent’s face.
I was raised by such parents. It was more important for me to keep my relationship my with parents. Choosing goes both ways.