“Would the logistics be any different if they married…and then divorced? No.” - Agreed (except possibly more defined legal responsibilities). But often these days couples opt to share an apartment long before they would ever consider marriage. It’s awkward if there is breakup and rent is too pricey for one. (If there are 2BR, that can be good to enable roommate backup plan.)
Add me to the list of people who grew up with parents who believed “living together” was wrong. At least back in the '70’s where it was sort of a scandal in my small midwestern town.
But…things change. When D and her BF (now H) moved in together, neither my parent nor in laws had any issue with it.The ice had already been broken on H’s side of the family with his niece, but honestly I just think everyone realized that times change. I think everyone honestly admitted that the vast majority of young adults are sexually active and that’s not anything new. People are just more open about it now.
@psychmomma I’m still chuckling over the fact that your S lives with his SO and yet they will stay “in his room” at your house. No offense, I just find it amusing that parents sometimes keep their kids rooms just that, their kids’ rooms. Will the SO mind sleeping with his posters of Amber Heard or Cameron Diaz? I’m envisioning a room with trophies on the dresser and posters on the wall, maybe a football helmet or lacrosse stick somewhere. I don’t know why this hit my funny bone this morning but its all in good fun!
I have two rooms dedicated to my kids in my house, and my son never even lived here. It’s not his memorabilia, but definitely more his decorating taste. It’s used as a guest room, not even the primary guest room. With him newly launched I wanted him knowing there was always room for him here if he needed it. He actually told my husband he was happy he had a space here. My parents moved when I was 19 and I remember feeling displaced and a bit homeless. I never felt like I had a safety net. Obviously I was fine and I was never homeless, but it certainly was a big kick out of the nest for me.
OP - glad you had the opportunity to have the discussion. This thread allowed me to have the discussion with my daughter.
While I’m okay with living together, to me it needs to be committed and not convenience. I will stand by my thought that a marriage brings stability to all aspects of life and I’m a huge believer in raising children in a 2 adult family.
@NEPatsGirl - about ten minutes after dh and ds started the drive at 4:00 a.m. to head to ds’s college I was in his room making changes! Lol. He did have some framed awards that stayed on the walls,but otherwise, it very quickly turned into a second guest room. But, I did always refer to it as his room.
@NEPatsGirl My room stayed the same for a long time, even when DH and I lived with my parents for a few months before we moved out of state. He thought it was funny that there were still a few remnants of my childhood in there. :))
This all reminds me of one of my favorite SNL sketches - Do It In My Twin Bed. =))
OMG @momtogkc that was soooo funny. I can’t believe I’ve never seen that SNL skit!
@eyemamom - our D has a designated room in our new house too. It has a queen bed so it can double as a second guest room but we also wanted her to feel like she had her own space even though this isn’t the house she grew up in.
I turned my oldest sons room into a guest bedroom when he left for college, new furniture and all! It needed it, and we needed another guest room. I wanted him to still feel it was his room, so left a few memorabilia on the dresser and chest. A few other well selected photos. He lived there for 8 months after college. We refer to it as his room, and it really will always be.
We’ve not changed the youngest room. Partly because we don’t need it as a guest room and partly we don’t want to spend the money yet. I imagine he will be living with us after college. At that point we may make it a nicer, more grown up room for him.
@momtogkc That was hysterical. My daughter’s room still has the shelf of trophies and possibly the JTT poster! LOL. Shes’ married and very pregnant now, so probably not going to be back in the twin bed, though.
I grew up in a big, rambly house with a couple of extra bedrooms on the third floor (where my bedroom was). My mother’s stated policy when cousins older than I visited with b/g-friends was “I’ll assign separate rooms on the third floor, but I don’t go up there for bedchecks.” Then one year we hosted a big holiday party with lots of out-of-town family, some of whom stayed with us, and there just weren’t enough slots to make it work without having one somewhat-established couple share a room. By the time I got old enough to be coming home for visits, and by the time I had a girlfriend to bring home (now my spouse), the old rule was just a memory.
I think you have to be careful what you wish for. At a certain point, you can never be sure when the music will stop – even whether it has stopped already – and the girlfriend or boyfriend du jour turns out to be someone whose good will you will desperately want to cultivate for the rest of your life. My parents didn’t particularly like my girlfriend, and weren’t as welcoming as they might have been. They regretted that stance literally for the rest of their lives.
Yeah, exactly. I think parents of grown children need to be careful with that “my house, my rules” mantra. Or risk ending up with…an empty house.
Your mileage and circumstances may vary, of course.
@NEPatsGirl - you aren’t too far off! There are posters- but Lord of the Rings, etc. - no posters of girls/women, now or ever, lol. Mostly it’s full of books. There are a few trophies from academic events. All three kids’ rooms have not been touched or changed, except to keep them clean. H and I both have parents who kept our rooms intact from our youth - and they still are, to this day!
I forgot about that SNL skit- so funny!!
@momtogkc That video is a riot! And exactly what I envisioned when I read the post lol.
Unfortunately, for financial reasons I have to move out of the home where both of my kids were born. It was supposed to happen early fall but it looks like I’ll be here through the holidays one more time and both my kids will come home. Once my in-law build is completed over the garage, the main house will be rented.
When my son was here in July he packed up the last of his belongings that were in our basement, his room had been cleaned out long ago when he joined the military and became a guest room back then. I’m keeping and taking with me a few of his things, his wooden baby rocking chair, a junior bat that was signed by some Red Sox players, and a side table he made for me in his high school shop class.
My D and I cleaned out her room in August before she left for her last year of college. Unlike her brother, she seems a bit unsettled about the whole thing. She moved all her things to her bio Dad’s house, repainted and redecorated her room there to be more adult-like. She always had her own room at his house for the every other weekend visit so I was surprised how upset she was about my move to a 1 bedroom apartment. I keep reminding her that she is moving to Seattle after graduation and that, just like I did with her brother, I’ll keep a few sentimental things.
I’m still trying to figure out where I am going to put the 2 dozen black and white photos (I can see and count them here from my computer lol) that chronicle both kids childhood. This move is very bittersweet for me but otoh I can’t imagine I would have kept either of their childhood rooms intact.
There’s a great “sequel” to “Do it in my twin bed” called BCk Home Baller. It’s a favorite around here. You can find on YouTube
@maya54 That is so funny! I love the wifi password. :))