Times are very different. When I was growing up we “hung out” with our neighbors…bbq’s, playing with all the kids on the block, and even called the grown ups “aunt” and “uncle” - I’ve lived in the same place now for 16 years, and I know 2 neighbors (and their kids) by name - we don’t “hang out” --I know a few ‘enough’ to wave or say hello to – and I’m noticing a demographic change as well. The neighborhood was teeming with kids when my D was little and we first moved here, now I notice it’s mostly empty nesters, not many kids at all, which is surprising because we’re a block away from a well-regarded elementary school (why I moved here). Personally I miss the energy of the kids.
We know the neighbors on both sides and across the street. All three of those neighbors are families with young children. We’re friendly with all of them.
We only moved here five years ago from our Big House. In the old house, we lived on a cul de sac with five houses and we knew everyone. One fellow in one family was extremely unpleasant, although his wife was OK. The last family tore down the original house and rebuilt. When they were finally finished, they had the cul de sac repaved, which it needed due to all the trucks up and down. They sent everyone on the street a bill for the repaving, allocated according to how far in on the street your house was. We didn’t pay them a penny, so we were never great friends!
We live in a neighborhood of about 60 homes. It was new construction about 15 years ago when we moved in. Amongst the original neighbors, there were a lot of queen bees, which made for a lot of drama and social jockeying and gossip, as if we weren’t in our early 30s at the time but rather in high school. That was kind of a turnoff for me as far as wanting to get to know the neighbors very well. As the years passed and a few key houses turned over, things settled down a bit. About 75% of the current neighbors are original to the neighborhood and we know all of them to say hi to and to do neighborly favors for them, but because of how things started out, we aren’t what I would call close and we don’t socialize much with very many of them. H and I are most friendly with the neighbors on one side, who only moved in within the last five years. Not so for our boys, who are too young to remember the drama. There are three other boys the same age as S20 and they are very tight. There is one girl the same age as S18 and they hang in the same social circle and carpool to various events. H and I would love to move but the kids love it here.
We were original owners 19 years ago and knew almost everyone and quite well I might add. Our kids were young and we were outside a lot, walking to the bus stop, etc. There has been a pretty good turnover in the last few years and I really don’t know any of the new families. They have young kids who are a whole generation removed from mine.
That said, we have a lot of long time folks in my cul de sac. We are friendly with everyone and actually close friends with 3 families.
I’m friendly with a few and know names, but I’m close and do things with neighbors not on my street. We met through the kids and are now good friends without that relationship.
This thread got me thinking. My original response was “I know all my neighbors and I know them well”. Then I started to think about every house. Our development is 45 years old and has 35 houses. I just counted; only 5 families have been here longer than us. When we moved here 27 years ago, we were connected to many families because of our kids. I can tell you the names of our neighbors, but I’m not sure I’d recognize them outside the neighborhood. The neighbors on either side are very nice and we’re friendly with them. We’re empty nester and we certainly don’t need this big house. I always said we’ve stayed because we like our neighbors and we could count on them in any emergency.
@bevhills - Your story reminds me of a little fun DW and I had while staying with friends who live in a very nice part of BH. As the two of us were out for a morning walk we saw one of those tour buses that drive gawking tourists by celebrities’ homes. We quickly decided to cover our faces to “protect” our privacy and, just as we expected, the occupants started snapping our photos.
@sherpa that is brilliant and hilarious! While I am unlikely to be caught anywhere near BH or the like, I will remember to try that trick should I ever find myself in your situation!
Our neighborhood is 50+years old. There are a couple original settlers still here. We’ve been here 19. The first friends of our age cohort just put their house on the market.
Most folks don’t fence their yards, so there is a nice tradition of walking the dogs through the neighborhood. That’s how I know the neighbors!
Interesting thread. When we moved to TN 10 years ago we were thrilled with our new neighborhood. In Dallas, for various reasons including just the layout of the neighborhood, we didn’t know many people at all in the immediate neighborhood. When we moved here we landed in a fun neighborhood and were immediately included in driveway happy hours, parties and book club. On the whole it was a younger crowd, but it spanned all age groups. We have been in our 2nd home in TN for 5 1/2 years now and also like our neighborhood, but don’t socialize the same way. We only moved 2 miles away and are still in the same subdivision. We have dogs that we walk, so we know a lot of people to greet and have casual chats. We have several neighbors where we exchange gifts for occasions like a new baby or a meal for an illness. We have driveway conversations about goings on in the 'hood. Definitely not like my childhood neighborhood where so much of the adult and kid social life revolved around the neighbors.
I grew up in a middle class suburban neighborhood where we knew everyone, everyone knew us, and the mom’s were all friends.
My last neighborhood I knew many, but since my kids went to private school and had a different life they didn’t really connect much. I knew more people than they did.
Now we live in a neighborhood of 9 houses. It’s a little enclave on the water, with gravel road getting in. For most this is their weekend/summer home and the way the houses are landscaped I can’t see the other homes. However, I do know everyone by sight and by name - they’re way into their neighborhood meetings here. We have an older couple who live two doors down, who are a real hoot - with an apartment in DC. We’re actually going over there tonight for a glass of wine, they’re trying to get us to join a club they’re in. I like them all for the most part.
For those of you living in neighborhoods with active socializing and events, are there a couple people servings as ringleaders? My guess is it takes one or several enthusiastic, social types to get the ball rolling.
@romanigypsyeyes , your dog story reminds me that my next-door neighbors, while friendly themselves, have two Rottweilers. They are in a securely fenced yard, but the dogs can see, hear, or smell me or me and my dog when we’re in the part of the yard by the fence, and they start barking ferociously. The dogs are named after machine gun models.
Sherpa: That is so funny and on point. I also grew up here. We did the same thing. I know that are pictures of me and my best friend outside in our babydoll pajamas. We thought it was around 6 a.m. It wasn’t…it was lunchtime.
@rosered55 oy vey.
These dogs are small and my (parents’) dog (she was the one that was attacked) is a stocky pit bull. So the first time they attacked, they just got a small piece of skin before I picked up my dog and walked home. Neighbor was very apologetic and swore it would never happen again (and gave me updated shot records). Ok.
Then it happened again. This time I called the cops. I didn’t want her to get in trouble but there are other small dogs in the neighborhood who could actually get hurt. Or, there are big dogs who could tear that dog to pieces. My pit bull has absolutely no dog aggression (she has been attacked a few times and never once fought back) but not every dog is like that- especially when attacked. I don’t want the poor dog to die because of my neighbor’s stupidity/laziness.
Unfortunately, there’s really no way to walk my dog without going by her house as going the other way is a main road without a sidewalk and I really don’t like walking on it.
When we lived in a suburb we knew few neighbors, but we didn’t socialize because our kids didn’t go to the same school. One neighbor belittled D2 (she was only in Kindergarten) when she was going from door to door to sell wrapping papers. The neighbor said to D2, “If you are going to a private school, you shouldn’t need to raise any money. There is no way I would give your school money.” It was a good thing D1 was with her. D1 was only 11 or 12. She said to the neighbor, “You should be ashamed of yourself for talking to my sister like that.” I ended up buying all of D2’s wrapping papers,
I live in an apartment now. I do not know anyone in my building, not even my next door neighbors by name. We say hello to each other in the hallway. I kind of like that.
I’m enjoying reading your responses. Reassuring that many, like me, don’t know the whole neighborhood like the back of your hand. Very interesting to see how many dine together, book club together etc. - I might wish for a LITTLE of that. Book club sounds fun. Unless it just turns into drink wine night!
In the neighborhood I grew up in in small town Michigan, every summer night the parents would sit on the front porch - often they would gather on someone’s front porch to the tune of 3 or 4 moms. My mom would sit out with her early morning coffee on the side porch and wave at everyone going to work. Not only kids, but adults were out more it seems, not necessarily doing yard work but just relaxing. Maybe with the creation of decks we all now retreat to the back yard more?
What would be interesting would be to ask your kids - how do you feel our neighborhood was in terms of neighbors knowing neighbors? What are their memories???
D1’s best friend when she was a child was the girl who leaved on the other side of our court. She was kind of a hellion but she and my daughter both turned out well! D2’s best friend was her cousin, who happens to live two blocks away. I like living close to my big bro, for many reasons, including that he lets me borrow his lawn care tools.
Before we moved here we lived in t he valley. Did we know our neighbors? No. The little ones (under 10ish) knew each other because the housekeepers would gather every afternoon at someone’s home. This neighborhood was not a planned community. (neither was our house in the valley). Our home was built in the mid 30s. The house next to us…built in the 20s. And then there are th disgusting people who knock down these beautiful old homes to create a monster modern or an over designed house. Lord I hate “progress.”
I know many neighbors, but the most important neighbors have been our best friends for 29 years. Our daughters, both 29, were raised like sisters. Because my DD is an only child, my BFF’s daughter went on most of our vacations with us, and each of the girls refers to the other’s grandparents as their grandparents, too. Our dogs are also BFFs. As a matter of fact, the dogs go back and forth to one another’s home which makes it especially nice if one of us is going out of town. I cannot imagine my life without this family; during my husband’s illness and death, they were my lifeline and they are always there for me.