How will the decision be made?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>Assuming your child has more than one choice on March 10 and the finances end up being about the same, how will your family make the choice? One common approach I’ve observed is just to choose the school with the most perceived prestige. For us so far, we’ve gone for ‘fit’, but that is an even more elusive concept at times.</p>

<p>Is your family on the same page so far as far as preferences and hopes go? Do you believe junior will make a wise decision or will be unduly swayed by silly or passing things? What if parents or junior have a gut feel but the other doesn’t share it?</p>

<p>In the end, who will have the greater say, parent or child? Parent has more life experience and foots the bill, but the kid is the one who has to live out the decision.</p>

2

<p>We made sure that we would be OK with DC attending any one of the schools he ultimately applied to. He has a first choice, DH and I each have our preference, but we would be thrilled if he ended up at any one of the schools (if he is fortunate enough to be accepted). Some are “hidden gems,” some are “acronym,” but all are a great fit for him. Much will depend on what choices he has come M10 - but it will ultimately be his choice. We would not have supported his application to any school we did not want to see him attend.</p>

3

<p>Oh gosh that used to be my philosphy @2kidsnoanswers, but I’ve changed my tune. Yes - when ALL things are equal, then go for prestige. But most often all things are not equal and the idea of prestige tends to color all other considerations.</p>

<p>Choose fit over prestige. Better to grow and soar at a school where the student feels challenged and stimulated than one where the student is worn down by the constant grind of daily life because they chased a pedigree. If you are lucky, fit and prestige will be at the same school, in which case the choice becomes obvious. But if it comes to making a decision - where did your student feel most comfortable? For many there is often a bit of a gut reaction to one school over another. </p>

<p>Like @mountainhiker, our D didn’t apply to any school where she’d be unhappy - although one school, in the end, felt too big. When the choices came in, we were politely told to butt out while she weighed the choices in her head. In the end, she chose the same school we though fit her personality - one that at the time was pooh-poohed on the CC boards as not being as good as the top elite schools. She had a tough first semester as she became acclimated to the increased workload but it was made easier knowing it was her choice to go. And she has soared there ever since. Grins amongst the tough academic climate beat sighs and exhaustion and constant struggles to stand out any day.</p>

<p>So pick the place that feels most like a fit based on your visits and interactions with the school. Hopefully you won’t have to choose because they’ll be bundled together. :-)</p>

4

<p>In our case it is 100% up to the kids. My second is applying, and my first made her choice which wasn’t particularly my or my wife’s first choice…but she is very happy and so are we. </p>

<p>On the other hand she has classmates who were given zero choice by their parents, including one kid who seemed made for the school he wanted to go to. </p>

<p>Once you decide your child is mature enough to go to one of these schools I think it is best to encourage them to consider the choice thoughtfully and independently without trying to please the parent. </p>

<p>Hell, I wasn’t always happy when I was in BS at 15 but I knew that I had made that choice. If my parents had forced me there I might have taken off like my best friend did.</p>

5

<p>Wise words, everyone. </p>

<p>The schools on the list are all about the same level of ‘prestige’, so that probably won’t be much of a factor for us. We were also careful, as mountainhiker says, to make sure the list only included schools that we could rally around. However, nuances are emerging as we learn about the schools - we can still support all of them, but some seem to be a better fit if we have the luxury of choice. </p>

<p>We let DC choose the jr BS, and that worked exceptionally well. As kaflookey & exie says, it helps ease the rough patches when the kid knows they chose the school and wanted to be there. </p>

<p>Maybe I’m just dumbfounded to read on the parents forum about the reasons (older) kids have given to write off certain colleges. I’m reminded kids are still kids. I remember one prep school discussion here too, where a kid said he only applied to schools with “Academy” in their name because it sounded cooler. So then doubt starts to creep in, and it is a huge decision, after all, with a leap of faith involved no matter what you do.</p>

6

<p>Don’t forget the value of revisit days. For us, the revisits clinched it; the choice became obvious to all of us. Even though I would have chosen a different school, there was no doubt which one was the best choice for DS.</p>

7

<p>Agree with fit over prestige. </p>

<p>Our son was lucky enough to have choices last year, and it was a bit of agony about the final decision between two schools. We knew in our hearts that the less prestigious school would be the better fit, and I think he knew that deep down, but he found it very hard to say no to the more big-name school. He kept looking at the college matriculation lists and that kind of thing, and we kept reminding him of all the other factors that go into being a boarding student at a particular school. </p>

<p>Revisit days almost made it worse, as he really liked both schools for different reasons (as did we). In the end, he chose the one with less prestige and we are all very happy with that decision. He is a perfect fit for his school.</p>

<p>So, I would recommend letting the kid choose, but with guidance from parents who can sometimes see the bigger picture better than the kid can at that point in his/her life.</p>

8

<p>In the wake of last A10, I’ve been one of the most vocal champions of the whole “fit” thing…even at the risk, I fear, of seeming to protest too much on occasion.</p>

<p>On M10 2011, after applying to 3 schools, our daughter was fortunate to have a choice of two great choices. One that’s in the pantheon of the most selective schools most frequently discussed here, the other is not. She chose the latter, and her mother and I enthusiastically agreed with her choice.</p>

<p>How did we come to this decision? (And I use “we”, because I do believe it’s a family decision…like the decision to apply to BS in the first place, I think it works best when all involved are of the same mind.)</p>

<p>For me, the revisits played a large role. At the school she chose, I liked what I heard the head of school say. I liked the questions asked by the admitted students and their parents…and I liked the answers provided by the various panelists. I really liked the current students we met, including the kids (mostly current seniors at my table) with whom I interacted at lunch. I felt more comfortable among the parents we met.</p>

<p>I also felt the school she chose would offer a kindler-gentler social environment, one that would be more accepting of kids who aren’t conventionally popular or socially adept. To me, that mattered as much as academics or reputation.</p>

<p>So far, our instincts have been borne out. It’s hasn’t been 100% easy or perfect, but I think it’s been a great choice for our daughter and our family. The right choice. The right fit.</p>

<p>Note that, for some kids, the right fit IS going to be one of the most selective/most “prestigious” schools. My daughter, despite being an extremely strong applicant, is simply was not one of these kids.</p>

9

<p>Prestige is the wrong way to pick the school, and this board is way too focused on a few schools. There are plenty of really smart kids who would be happier and more successful at Taft than Exeter, or Brooks than Andover. You have to be honest about what the life will be like at each school. At some schools one can be on the debate team and in the chorus and learn a lot and have a social life; at other schools it’s much much harder and the student is likely to narrow their activities. In my mind these schools are way less similar to each other than colleges are, and therefore fit - not only in terms of how the school feels but in terms of what experience the student wants compared to what
experience the student will actually get - is really really key.</p>

10

<p>I guess we can only hope what the 45 y.o. parent sees on revisit day will jibe with what a 13 y.o. teen may be eyeing!</p>

11

<p>If all the schools on your list are schools you’d be okay with him attending, then it really doesn’t matter what his reason is for choosing one over the other . . . even if, to your way of thinking, his reason is “silly.”</p>

<p>If, on the other hand, you discover something about the school that really concerns you, that you didn’t know previously, then that’s a different matter. But if all the schools are okay, then you should try to honor your son’s choice. He is the one who’s going to be living there, after all.</p>

12

<p>Remember, it’s the student who makes the school (school’s reputation), not the other way around. The school can be presitgious, but if the student can’t perform well at the school, it’s prestige is moot for that student. Let’s celebrate our kids’ individuality, and whichever decision they make. I know my student will strut her stuff regardless of school’s perceived prestige, even at our local high school if she is not given an opportunity to be at a resource rich private school.</p>