<p>Zmom, I’m very sorry this is happening. And I do understand your reluctance to involve the police. But, please, you never do know how out of hand this might get, and I agree with others that it’s time to document everything that’s been happening and see if it’s possible (at the very least) to get a restraining order. </p>
<p>Maybe, if you don’t already have a small video camera, you could buy one of those little single-use $20 video cameras they sell at the drugstore, and keep it handy in case you witness something again that needs to be documented. </p>
<p>And I"m kind of worried about the dog, too.</p>
<p>Just curious… does this girl have other ‘enemies’, meaning people she is commiting crimes against, like you? I’m sorry, but I just can’t believe that a mother/daughter team that is so destructive/aggressive/confrontational hasn’t taken their rage out on others at some point, either. Can you find out who else she’s bullying and see if the other families are willing to go to the authorities with you?</p>
<p>Yowie. Hugs to you, your daughter, and your dog. I don’t have specific advice beyond what everyone has already provided, but this I know for sure – you absolutely do need to do something.</p>
<p>ZMom- I’m sorry to hear this. I think you should: 1. See the school head immediately and tell him/her what has recently happened and that you will be pressing charges against the girl. 2. Go with whatever documentation you currently have and press charges. 3. Continue documenting. </p>
<p>There is no reasoning with her mom, obviously- and this thing could escalate in a NY minute over anything- which you can’t possibly predict. Your daughter, you and your husband and your dog are not safe- none of you can really go out alone for fear that psycho mom will attack.</p>
We have a very high fence, but I hadn’t really thought about protecting the Prince of Puppies. Hubby and I need to talk.</p>
<p>You guys are great. It’s hard sometimes to see the whole picture when it’s happening to you.</p>
<p>
No it’s just us. The woman is consumed with envy about my daughter’s successes and that in some fashion my daughter is taking what rightfully belongs to hers. The messed up thing is that her daughter is pretty, smart and has some excellent qualities. Any mother wouuld be proud to have a daughter like that except her. The mom used to work in the grammar school that the girls attended and she would prevent her daughter from ever interacting with other kids, so the girl has no social skills whatsoever. They went to a small school where the kids had been together for years and the others eventually gave up on trying to befriend the daughter and so she was isolated. Mom blamed everyone else, but the problem was that the kids didn’t want to deal with her to get to the daughter and gave up. She got to high school and still doesn’t know how to deal with peers and has become mean, so she still has no friends. They blame my daughter because they see the two girls as competitors. We don’t see that at all. My daughter is totally different and, frankly, the other girl has some attributes that I would like my daughter to develop. We eventually had to move my little guy out of that school because of the mother, and yesterday evening the girl and her father showed up at my older daughter’s place of work to give her a hard time. She doesn’t even know them.</p>
<p>I’m going to call the community liaison at the precinct today. Thanks for helping me clarify.</p>
<p>“the girl and her father showed up at my older daughter’s place of work to give her a hard time. She doesn’t even know them.”
Absolutely frightening.</p>
<p>Zmom, please let us know how your visit at the precinct goes. I’m so sorry that your family is going through this. We’ve had issues with a family in our neighborhood whose boys terrorize anyone in their path but it’s never gotten as personal as what you describe.</p>
<p>I meant to add something and forgot. This all began during the high school application process. Their daughter was a great student (slightly better than mine) but mine was a better test-taker, so my daughter got some great acceptances/scholarships/opportunities, which was a big deal in the small school. I believe that their daughter would have done equally well if they had had a better plan, so she ended up deeply disappointed as a result, and it’s been festering ever since. Fast forward to senior year, and I have good reason to believe (I keep my ears open) that they have made some very poor and unrealistic college application choices for their daughter and are going to possibly have even worse results than with the high school process. My D is lower ranked than their daughter but has the highest SAT scores in her grade, has unique and relevant ECs (their daughter does nothing because mom doesn’t allow it), AND has a good list. My D has already had four acceptances and six figures in merit money (she chose not to reach for various reasons), but their daughter only applied to schools that are either high reaches or are known to be ungenerous. I feel very sorry for the daughter for that reason, but it is not our fault.</p>
<p>This has gotten totally out of control, and you need to take some real, affirmative steps to deal with these people. I’m glad that you are going to the police; you need to do this to protect yourself and your family.</p>
<p>Since you mentioned that your H believes that arson may occur somewhere down the road (and if you can even conceive of them doing this, it may be a real possibility), I would also suggest removing anything irreplaceable (like photographs, mementos, videos, your wedding gown, heirlooms, etc.) from your house and put them temporarily into a storage unit. Then, after you see how they react, you can bring things back in once you feel safe again.</p>
<p>I would also talk to the head of school. This “if it doesn’t happen on campus we don’t care” attitude is crap. Many states are now taking action against bullying, including cyberbullying, which is what seems to be happening.</p>
<p>“I think that you should press criminal charges.” I agree, but at a minimum call the police to document this harassment. Our police blotter mentions these documentation calls w/o names often - they would understand. They also have a social worker on staff to help.</p>
<p>You are under-reacting to this, IMO, and nothing good will come of protecting the daughter. You might even be helping her out by outing her parents. They came to your d’s workplace! wow.</p>
<p>This is frightening and serious. I hope you do go to the police for advice. You might get a better response by going in person instead of a phone call. You should not have to live this way.</p>
I think you’re right. I’m just a little in shock and keep telling myself that it’s not really that bad. Who DOES things like this? It’s unthinkable to me, it really is. I have a call into the school and an appointment at the precinct tomorrow. Turns out my husband has a connection with someone at the precinct, so we’re going to speak to him.</p>
<p>If the FB stuff is still active, point that out too - our blotter documents this sort of harassment too. Maybe do a page save and take that in to the precinct and school? Good luck with your meetings.</p>
<p>zmom - if possible, go back and read your story and try to imagine this happening to two other families instead of yours. What would you tell the victimized family to do?</p>
<p>Teriwtt, exactly what you’re all saying to me. You’re absolutely right. I’m not handling this at all well. I just keep imagining that the girl is my kid and that someone will tell her to stop before goes so far as to change her life. But she’s not my kid and I have to protect mine and I’m going to do that.</p>
<p>I’m sorry this is happening to your daughter and your family. But please go to the police NOW. You are seriously under-reacting to what’s been happening, and unintentionally encouraging escalation by not reporting this awful behavior to the authorities, both law enforcement and educational.</p>
<p>I wish you the best of luck in getting this resolved, or at the very least, to a point where this family leaves yours alone.</p>
<p>zm, I am so sorry that this is happening! I remember seeing at least one other thread about this woman, some time ago. And you have also pulled your son out of this school because of this situation? </p>
<p>Document everything. For example, get statements from witnesses to the incident at your older D’s workplace. Clearly, being kind and generous has not worked. Now you have to do it the other way. You must turn off your natural tendency toward empathy now. I am hoping that a strong response will stop this behavior. This would really be the best thing for them, as well. </p>
<p>Don’t you work at a law firm? Is there someone there who could advice you?</p>
She worked in the elementary school that our daughters and my much younger son attended. We didn’t feel safe with him there and her in a position of power, so we moved him.</p>
<p>
Yes. They’ve said the same things you’ve all said. so that’s what we’re going to do. I just needed to put it all out and see if I was missing something.</p>
<p>She is an employee of an elementary school??? Did you tell the principal why you removed your son? Is this a private school? Do the people in charge have any idea of what this woman is capable of?</p>
It is a private school and she left a year or so after our kids graduated, but we didn’t know at the time that she would. Interestingly, the principal of that school is the only person who has ever seen her for exactly who she is. She fools everyone else with her shows of religous devotion, but that principal (who was new to the community) met her and got it immediately.</p>
<p>I think the problem for me is that I’m trying not to give in to panic. I’ve been having nightmares. It’s definitely time to move forward. </p>
<p>you should also discuss with your HS. When my D was being harassed by classmates, I happened to bump into a school district employee who told me that they actually have a little more leeway than the police to investigate such stuff. (I said, huh?) In any event, if the school computers are being used for any type of harrassment, for example, its a clear violation…which can force a transfer of the transgressor.</p>