<p>My HS senior son, 17, went to a twirp dance with a girl who invited him. After the dance she invited him and a four of five other couples over to her house for popcorn and a movie. So far so good. Then she mentioned that her parents let her and her friends drink at their house but they had to agree that they could not drive home and would have to stay till dawn.</p>
<p>OK problem here. I suspect they think they are being great parents by controlling their daughters drinking and providing a safe environment for her. Fortunately my son said no and asked to be dropped off at home. I really don’t care if they let their daughter drink in their house but don’t provide alcohol to my son. They get enough temptations from friends let alone other adults.</p>
<p>Kudos to your son for having a level head and not succumbing to peer pressure. This says a lot about his character.</p>
<p>There are some misguided parents out there who think that having their kids falling down drunk, doing drugs, and participating in innapropriate relations as teens is okay as long as they do it in their own home. This is the defeatist ‘well, they’re going to do it anyway’ attitude that actually fosters those actions. As parents, they need to set examples, not behave as these parents did. It’s even worse when they think it’s okay to allow kids other than their own to participate.</p>
<p>If I knew any of the other kids’ parents I’d give them a heads-up as to what’s happening at that house.</p>
<p>Bad, bad, bad. How about a call to Child Protective Services (or whatever it’s called in your state)? I’d drop a dime on some adult who offered my minor children alcohol.</p>
<p>I heard that some parents do that. My D’s BF got from his parents a huge Southern Comfort bottle to share with his friends as a pre-college present. I couldn’t believe that a pediatrician was doing that, but it seems is more common than I expected.</p>
<p>The parents are, at least in my state, at risk of prosecution for this behavior. These have to be some of the worst examples of parenting there are. It strikes me as weak parents who cannot say ‘no’ to spoiled kids - or who feel so guilty about aspects of raising their kids they abdicate the role of parent.</p>
<p>Two years ago a mother in our community bought vodka for her sons to have an all night poker party with a bunch of guys. She went to bed. The boys stayed up drinking and playing cards. In the morning, they couldn’t wake one boy up. They called 911. He never regained consciousness and died at the hospital that night after his parents removed the life support systems. The mother did receive jail time after a lengthy trial and much publicity.</p>
<p>I personally know a mother who permitted drinking at her daughter’s 16th birthday party on the grounds that “they’re going to do it anyway - yes, they ALL are.” (Fortunately. my daughter wasn’t invited to the party.) A friend of hers who was there called her mother and asked to be picked up early, but wouldn’t tell her mom why until she was safely home. And then was furious with her mother for calling the enabling mom to question what was going on. </p>
<p>I think there’s a real social barrier between 9th-11th graders who drink and those who don’t. It seems to me that by 12th grade, the drinkers and non-drinkers can be friends without alcohol being quite as divisive an issue. Some parents may be recalling their own underage drinking when they provide alcohol. They either think it’s perfectly fine (as in, “well, I turned out all right”), inevitable, or else very important for their kids to run with a particular group and not be branded as nerds. </p>
<p>This one shocked me - one of my daughters saw a mom playing beer pong with her son and his friends (underaged) at a party during Parents Weekend. Wow.</p>
<p>Have to say that this is one of the positives of empty nest (that in other ways I’m not dealing well with). I got so tired of always policing – you never knew who might show up and with what. Somehow I ended up being the “parent who never sleeps” and always stayed up as long as there were awake children in my house. And every kid who came to my house knew that Mrs. M would be sniffing or tasting any drinks, those drinks that failed were dumped and culprit had to leave (with someone else driving).</p>
<p>I have had drunk kids show up, even be dropped off by others, at my home. That was always a quandary. I would either call the parents to pick them up (if I knew them) or drive the kid home and walk them to the door.</p>
<p>My kids’ friends and social life was/is very restricted until college (I figure I’ve done all I can at that point, and I actually think the drinking age should be lowered slightly, but that’s another story). They had it drummed into them from an early age that it doesn’t matter who drinks or why or how you feel about it - it is illegal, period.
We’ve kept them busy, and frankly, at home and in church. We will hit a wall soon, because son is 15 and will be able to drive next year. He knows, though, that we don’t condone or tolerate that behavior, and he thinks drinking is stupid. He has gotten past the need to be express coolness in that way, and the need to be in the popular crowd.
One of my proudest accomplishments as a parent is that I think we have succeeded in raising both our children to be happy enough with who they are, that they see that in some ways the popular kids are pathetic. He may never escort the homecoming queen, and won’t be a part of the Mardi Gras court, but i think he will be alive, and that’s what counts.</p>
<p>Although I personally think that the current drinking age is inappropriately high, I strongly disapprove of parents providing underage kids with alcohol. The liability is tremendous, and even more important, it conveys a message about contempt for the law that I don’t think kids should be receiving from their parents.</p>
<p>Sheesh, I never even gave my Ds friends falafel and hummus without a call to parents to make sure that was ok. (Really…I have friends with heavy duty allergies, so I worry about that aspect.) I can’t imagine what goes through some parents minds to let them think that providing alcohol would be ok. </p>
<p>On the other hand, it was the child in this case that claimed that her parents say it’s ok. It would be interesting to hear the parents side of the story.</p>
<p>It happens where I live too. There was a senior party busted by the police a few years ago where the parents had brought kegs of beer. Several of the parents claimed that because they were from a locally prestigious school, they were being unfairly targeted by the police and media (hahahaha). The parents were fined, and it became a very big embarrasment to the school, although the school itself was not at fault.</p>
<p>I also think the drinking age could return to being 18 however we strongly support the law and advise our kids to take up abstinence until age 21. I have not been very preachy on the subject with my kids but drinking really does separate the h.s. kids into camps for weekends now.
I do not have information on my now college son’s drinking and don’t care to be that informed about his semi adult life, but he did mysteriously withdraw from the party scene in our neighborhood about his 17th year and seemed fine with that loss. In my neighborhood, parents throw parties and actually seem to be emotionally involved with the “fun” of drinking with the handsome young 17 and 18 year olds off to college soon in a sort of weird reliving of their own youthful memories of drinking (keeping in mind that it was legal at 18 in our day, that is the only slack I can give these giddy middle-aged and misguided adults who actually think they are doing everyone a favor by throwing overnight slumber parties for drunk teens as a “safety service”.) They don’t think that they might be too drunk themselves by midnight to stop a kid from leaving in a car impaired, which of course happens all over the USA all the time as I know lawyers defending the adult sponsors of high school drinking bashes.</p>
<p>As a minor, I’m always slightly shocked when parents offer me alcohol in their homes. It’s something my parents would never do, but I’ve never felt pressured to do something I wasn’t comfortable doing. There have been times, however, where friends parents have gone out of town, and reasonably known that their children might have some people over, and there might be drinking. I don’t have too much of a problem with this - you can’t keep your kids on a leash.</p>
<p>What has REALLY blown my mind was my first Parents Weekend here in college, where after my parents were safely tucked away in the hotel beds, I went out to the parties, and found hordes and hordes of parents playing Beirut/Beer Pong, or Kings with their kids! Now that would just be weird for me…</p>
<p>Haha I have seen that, too, becchalk. It’s always a bit of a shocker.</p>
<p>While I was in high school there were parents who facilitated drinking parties. It seems entirely inappropriate. It’s one thing giving the kids a glass of champaign on New Years, but what is described here is entirely different. I knew a house where this took place, and when you entered for a party you handed your keys over and didn’t get them back until morning. It seems like a great idea, except that this includes people who go and don’t drink. For this reason my friends and I could never just go and hang out for a bit and leave before the heavy drinking started. if you entered the house you couldn’t leave. Besides the general stupidity involved, I don’t understand how a parent could think it’s OK to give other parents’ kids alcohol without their permission! It’s absurd.</p>
<p>When I was in high school, there was at least one set of parents who supported not only drinking at large parties in their home, but also supplied shrooms and possibly pot (I know the shrooms for sure though). I was never invited to these parties (though they were my age), but my younger sister (2 grades below me) was invited to quite a few of them when I was a senior. I don’t understand why those parents took such a high risk, especially with many, many kids at these parties.</p>
<p>I’d like to know how their kids are doing now…too bad I missed my HS reunion last time, maybe I’ll find out at the next one. ;)</p>
<p>"This one shocked me - one of my daughters saw a mom playing beer pong with her son and his friends (underaged) at a party during Parents Weekend. Wow. "</p>