<p>My sophmore son wants dreadlocks. (We are white) I have a few problems with this:
Yuck!
We live in a very conservative community and I think people will judge him and/or make assumptions.
Employment. He has a summer job from last year that has a policy against unusual hairstyles. (I forget the exact wording-but you get the picture.) He wants to get a different job-but so far no luck. (how would you find out if the new job allows it?)</p>
<p>I tend to be a “choose your battle” kind of person, but I don’t think I can go for this. We told him to wait for college–it is a more accepting environment. Unfortunately he is obsessed. He is growing his hair out and it looks awful. What should I do? I was thinking of letting him do it after his summer job ends, but my H thinks teachers will not look favorably on him.</p>
<p>Seems like if there are any negative consequences with respect to jobs, teachers, etc., they should be reasonably obvious to him. Since hairstyle is not a permanent thing in that he can just do the buzz cut or shaved head (and then grow it back to a “conservative” hairstyle) if the hairstyle brings too many problems, would it be that big a deal to let him do it and handle the consequences himself? It is not like he will be doing something permanent or difficult to undo like a tattoo.</p>
<p>Admittedly, neither of my sons wanted dreads, but hair styles aren’t something I’m willing to fight about. In fifth grade, ds2 grew his hair out. He has THICK hair – had his first haircut at three months. He looked horrible, like James Brown. Not surprisingly, he got lice late that spring (what louse wouldn’t want to live in that head of hair???), and I took the opportunity to cut his hair pretty short. He looked great. Rico suave. Well, about a month later yearbooks came out, and there was the bouffant hair of the fall. He said, “Mom! How could you have let me grow my hair like that!!!” He was so embarrassed by the way it looked. He’s never had anything but short hair since. ;)</p>
<p>I’d tell him as long as the hair doesn’t prevent him from getting a good job, then OK. IF he can’t find another gig, then he’ll have to conform at the old employer. Then it’s them telling him to cut his hair, not you.</p>
<p>Good luck. It’s tough seeing your kid do something you know could come back to haunt him.</p>
<p>We had the same issue with our daughter. Did not let her do it in HS, she got them in college, had them for a couple of months, realized that maintaining them looking remotely acceptable is a full time job, and cut them off. </p>
<p>Based on our experience, I’d say go for it - by the time it will be in the way of keeping his job, he might be ready to get rid of them ;-)…</p>
<p>We went thru a summer with bright hot pink hair.
Before going back to her junior year at her private HS(where they had rules against such things), she had to dye it brown since she couldnt get it out of her beautiful blond hair.
It was a great outlet for her natural rebelliousness, but she still asks me “WHY did you let me do that!” I just smile.</p>
<p>Skyhook - this is definitely not the worst thing we have had to deal with! It’s just the only thing I am willing to ask your oninion of.</p>
<p>ucb - I don’t think the negative consequences are that obvious. His frontal lobe is not fully developed! I don’t think the teachers or employers tell you they are judging…</p>
<p>I guess part of the conflict is the differing parenting styles of H and I. nngmn, I was thinking maybe it won’t work out. That would be the best answer!</p>
Why would you care if some stuffy people judged him for his hair?
He can cut it, if need be.</p>
<p>I had longer hair a couple years ago. I liked it; my mom said it looked bad. Looking back, I’m glad I now have short/medium length hair, but no harm done. I’d rather have control myself and make a minor mistake.</p>
<p>We too live in a very white, conservative community. As a H.S. freshman, our son elected to get dreadlocks. He checked with the school first to make sure they had no policy against it. We did not make a big deal about it. His peers loved them, his grandfather hated them. In less than a year he chose to get rid of them. </p>
<p>Choose your battles, parents. Our son has been a stellar student, an all around good person, and is off to a great college this fall. We don’t expect him to “go wild” in college because we have not laid down the law on inconsequential things like hair.</p>
<p>Why don’t you get dreads, too, so you can see what he sees in them? (I’d do it, if I could ever get my hair to grow that long.) I had hair past my shoulders at 28, and had a P.R. job where, among other things, I worked with police. I used to wear a little throwaway bowtie to go with.) </p>
<p>When she was a sophomore, my daughter bleached the bottom few inches of her long, chestnut hair and dyed them red, pink, teal and yellow by turns. I smiled and nodded until the time came that she cut off those inches and had her beautiful hair back. Neither of us are any the worse for the experience.</p>
<p>I happen to like dreadlocks on anyone, but am stretching to see this from your point of view.</p>
<p>Why not let his summer employment search be his reality check on what’s acceptable and what’s not in your community?</p>
<p>In my lexicon, the most important thing would be that he find summer work. If he finds a new job that lets him work with growing/almost-dreadlock hair, then he’s found a pocket within the community that isn’t judging him but is employing him. </p>
<p>If he becomes frustrated and needs his old summer job back, he’ll be making his own decision to pick up scissors. </p>
<p>He can ask during any job interview whether he can keep his hair or must modify to work for them. He’ll hear their answers. </p>
<p>Well,dreadlocks aren’t “yuck” at all,in my adolescent opinion.They just require a lot of work to keep them looking good.I’ve also noticed that dreadlocks tend to looker rather absurd on caucasian hair(no offense)since caucasian doesn’t curl easily.The resultant visual channels something like a mound of yarn.Let him try it out though,that is the frivolity of youth,he’ll get them out in 5 days or so.</p>
<p>My community is somewhat conservative, but I see guys of all races in food service and retail with dreads pulled back into a ponytail during work hours. Let’s assume they toss away the rubber band when the workday ends. So a compromise might happen.</p>
<p>Son had dreads from age 13 to the end of the first semester of college. It was a better alternative to us than tattoos or piercing. He looked cool running on the soccer field.(where various hairstyles are a way of being an individual). He avatar icon on facebook was a Komondor(dreadlocked dog). A big plus for him, girls seemed to like to touch his hair.
My wife and I were trepidatious at first, but eventually got well used to his hair. Some folks always gave a double take and seemed disapproving, but most in our small community liked him as a person and thought the hair was a cute youthful phase,(though a long time phase.)
For college visits and interviews, and driver’s test, he tied the hair into a pony tail.
There was also the on and off beard. I guess he really liked to grow and experiment with his hair!</p>
<p>I like dreads and don’t understand the “yuck” comment. I have a good friend who is a lawyer - woman - who has long dreadlocks. She has various ways of dressing them up.</p>