<p>I will add there are pitfalls to such an age difference. My three brothers are 16 years, 13 years and 9 years older than me. I really only remember the youngest one living at home; do not have any memories of the two older ones living at home as they went to college by the time I had much of a memory. To be honest, it’s been a sensitive issue for me as I near 50 and our parents have been gone for several years (although I also experienced frustrations with my family when my parents were still alive); whenever there’s a family gathering, I feel left out as the reminisce over times that I was not even alive for. They talk about people, events, places, etc., and then ask me, “Oh, you remember so-and-so, right?” And of course I don’t. I hate to say this, but much of this may have to do with the fact that they are men and have always been poor communicators (as personally attested to me by their respective wives - I think they feel sorry for me, but do refuse to meddle) when it comes to family matters. There are many times I wonder how often I will see them in my lifetime as we live over 1000 miles away. I try to maintain some level of communication with the youngest of brothers since, if nature plays its game right, he and I will be the last two siblings alive; his wife died from cancer last May and they had no children, so I do worry about him not ‘having anyone’, although I know he has great friends, as well as some of our nieces and nephews in close vicinity. </p>
<p>I guess the female in me has always longed for a closer family connection, and over the years it has become sadly apparent to me that I have to give up that dream. They are at different stages of their lives and to be honest, I much rather enjoy the company of their children, who are now in their 30s. In fact, I am the exact same number of years apart from my oldest niece as I am her father, but because she’s female, I tend to be more interested in her life (and I have more communication with her and her sister than I do my brother).</p>
<p>I also have some cousins who have very similar age differences in their families, and somehow they all seem to have more communication with each other, but it’s also a family of four girls and one boy (the boy being the youngest - but there’s even a greater age difference between the oldest and youngest than in my family). I always feel envious when I see them together and hear how much they all do together. In the last couple of years, I finally started outright telling my cousins and two remaining aunts that I get next to no communication from my brothers and if there’s ever anything important to know, they need to talk with me directly and not assume one of my brothers will call me. I hate putting them in the bad light of poor communicators, but I also got tired of missing out on important news (like not finding out until several months later that my godparents’ son had died through a phone call with my godmother). </p>
<p>I don’t know what the answer is… how do you parent your children to instill an appreciation for their sibling when there’s such an age difference? How do you teach them the value of family and staying connected as adults? My brothers are not bad people - they are very successful in their personal lives, but just cannot relate to my life, but neither have they tried very much. </p>
<p>I wish you luck.</p>