I wouldn’t either if he asked his wife what she thought and took her opinions into consideration.
ETA: Thank you, HM, for not being a hater.
I would blow a gasket if my husband did this. My husband is bald and I like him to be neatly bald and have a goatee. He knows that I swoon over the goatee, it is a huge point of attraction for me. Huge. I would take it as a personal affront if he shaved it without discussing it with me first, just as I would never make a change to my appearance that would remove something that he has communicated to me is a point of attraction. For example, I wouldn’t get a breast reduction without discussing it. Not that hair is surgery, but to me and in our marriage, we both agree that it’s important to maintain that attraction. YMMV.
When you have a full head of hair, shaving it off is drastic. Not being willing to discuss it is concerning. Feeling concern/offense/even anger seems normal. Keep trying to talk to him about it.
I don’t think suddenly shaving his head is a sign that he is having an affair.
Suddenly shaving his back might be, though.
What is there to discuss though? It’s done. OK, maybe since she cared so much, he should discuss major changes in the future. But I’m not sure what there is to discuss about the change he’s alreafy made.
I think OP just said that he didn’t discuss it with her in advance, not that he’s refused to discuss it since. Maybe his head was hot, like Pedro in “Napoleon Dynamite.”
Well, she said she doesn’t know what to say, and several posts seem to suggest that they should be talking about it. I’m not sure what there is to say. Other than maybe that you would prefer that such things be discussed in advance going forward.
He might let it grow back when he’s tired of the maintenance of it.
Is he willing to talk about it now?
Fashion statement? Lost bet? Botched haircut? Friend undergoing chemo? Just saying, there are many reasons… Some might be too embarrassing for him to discuss.
Hunt, you crack me up.
My ex-H shaved his mustache once when we had been married about 5 years. It kind of freaked me out, it was like living with a stranger. But I decided I actually liked it once I got used to it. But he grew it back, and hasn’t shaved it in the 25 years since.
I feel like this is something that I would find less important now that I am older. It seems like appearance in an SO is less and less relevant to me. I’d rather focus on his personality qualities and what kind of relationship we have. I tell my kids to worry more about whether men are kind, interesting, thoughtful, loyal, etc. than looks – hard to encourage that if I can’t do the same. Believe me, wish I had focused more on those qualities the first time around; I always tell my kids that my first priority now is whether a guy is NICE, not what he looks like.
I also think it is sort of an issue of personal space. I wouldn’t want an SO critical of my hair, clothes, etc. So it only seems fair to allow them the same autonomy.
^^hehe watch the french film The Mustache. I would have been funny if you just refused to acknowledge it. I can’t believe someone would be upset about this myself. Surprised yes. I’d be laughing my butt off.
Regardless of what one thinks about this particular situation, that’s a false equivalency.
"Regardless of what one thinks about this particular situation, that’s a false equivalency. "
How? If you expect your spouse to ask you before he cuts his hair, shouldn’t you ask him before you cut yours?
In almost 40 years, I have never asked my husband before I did something different to my hair. Never. This includes some drastic cuts, a failed perm, some really awful color jobs. You know…the good thing about hair? No matter what you do to botch it up, it will eventually grow back to what it was before.
I always tell wifey she looks great when she does stuff with her hair regardless of the truth. That’s my job. Oh well.
It never crossed my mind that I should tell or ask my wife about any haircut I would get.
Momoftwo…what do you want your husband to say? Do you want him to apologize? Do you want him to tell you why he did this without asking? What sort of conversation is he avoiding with you about this?
Why not let it drop? Like I said…it’s hair…and it will grow back. Or you may actually decide you like his new look.
As my daughter says “it’s not what is on the outside that matters. It’s what is inside that matters.”
This has got to be the funniest CC thread ever! Is it real? If it is, I suggest that the OP remembers the saying “pick and choose your battles”. It’s just hair.
It’s HIS hair. If he cut yours off while you were asleep, then you’d have reason to be angry.
Then again, I have a husband who ranted for three long months after I replaced his toothbrush. That reaction drove our marriage counselor nuts…so hubby discontinued therapy.