@kiddie good point. I had an employment attorney look over my last severance agreement and negotiated from his suggestions. Well worth the few hundred dollars I spent. Probably would be more now though. ?
In the past couple of years both my husband and I got severance agreements.
I had mine looked at by a lawyer friend (for free). It was an odd situation, my contract was not renewed, but I quit instead of working out the rest of the current contract period. They really had no business offering me a severance package, but they did it to buy my silence (which was very important to them). The most important part of the agreement to them was the non-disclosure and non-disparage parts.
My husband got a severance agreement last December. We did not have a lawyer look at it (after having gotten mine looked at I understood it, they are pretty standard). He had been there for over 35 years. He negotiated some additional payments to cover COBRA costs and some more money in his lump sum (based upon his many years of service). It went back and forth a couple of times and then they agreed.
Be creative when thinking about what to negotiate - all benefits are worth looking into - leftover vacation time, 401 K matches on your severance pay, staying on the medical plan (not as cobra), having them pay something towards, cobra, increasing the lump sum, getting part of an annual bonus payment, etc.
@southerncalimom , hugs and lots of understanding. My H was in the oil and gas business… I think he was laid off five times but it may have been more. The first time was the day before our second child was born. Oh, and I was a stay at home mom and our mortgage was 14.5%. You have been given some great advice here. In a few days when you start reaching out to friends and family you will find lots of real life support.
If you haven’t already be sure to study your state’s unemployment website. You are lucky - they are probably less inundated than Texas’ was in March when our son was laid off.
It’s nice to read how different people/couples handle worry. I tend to over plan and focus on worst case scenario. At one point a few months ago my husband asked what I was sketching, so I showed him my idea about how we could divide this house into four different living quarters in case this gets bad enough that all the “kids” have to move home. He now thinks I’m kind of bonkers.
I call it being prepared.
Hugs to you as you and your husband grieve this huge loss.
This! People want to help, let them know he’s looking. I totally agree with this…not only your husband to share his employment status, but you too. The tech field is hot. My youngest son(mid-level software engineer) lost his job and was shocked at the amount of responses he has received to his inquiries. And when someone refers him to their company, if he gets hired, often they get a bonus of thousands of dollars, so people are very interested in giving out referrals.
Besides that, I also completely understand what you’re going through. The paralyzing shock, fear, worry. We were both laid off of our jobs, with a baby, a toddler, and no money saved up. No jobs in our industry, and no skills outside of it. Terrifying. Running a lot helped me.
Try not to worry. It helps nothing. Everyone handles stress in their own way. I’m sure your husband is just as stressed and worried as you. You will figure it out and things will work themselves out the way they are meant to. Try to be a good support system. It could be worse. You all have your health. You aren’t alone. We have a small business in the French Quarter that’s dead right now.
So sorry this happened. One day at a time…
I also agree with getting the word out to everyone you can possibly think of. My H had good luck working with a headhunter this last go around.
OP, I know how you feel. My DH works in oil and gas and got laid off in April along with thousands of others. There simply are no jobs right now in what he does. He is well connected and has his own LLC for doing contract work which is what he’ll probably do until things pick up again. It’s tough facing the holidays without employment and having to pay our own health insurance (so expensive). His severance has helped but it’s still hard competing with the thousands of others in his same situation. People forget that it’s not just entry-level jobs that were decimated during this pandemic.
I’m sorry it has taken me a moment to get back on here and respond to all the amazing advice and thoughtful encouragement I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to read each comment.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone ever, but it is comforting to hear that many have gone through this before and come out the other end. @hopedaisy I’m sorry to hear about your DH going through this as well. I can relate to all you said about the holidays and health insurance…I’m trying to figure it all out.
So onwards…I do realize things could be worse and I have much to be grateful for…including Parent Cafe friends. I have often quoted you all to pretty much everyone I’m close to…from threads on colonoscopies to Parkinsons to what to binge watch.
My husband is still quietly processing, but last night I told him that I had started this thread and asked if he would like me to read him some comments. He said yes and quietly listened as I read each one. He appreciated each kind remark. Laughed at some. Then, we would stop for a moment to discuss points we hadn’t thought of. It was a blessing and a nice way to start our conversation. Thank you!
((hugs)) to you.
You both must be mourning not just an income, but a circle of friends and an occupation he may have loved (or at least felt nurturing/fulfilling/pleasant).
If you have children, prepare how you’re going to break the news to them and how you both will reassure them. They may panic or want to know if the family’s broke, will lose the house, etc. If you have a middle class/upper middle class lifestyle, they may worry about sacrifices they’ll have to make (and may be more or less gracious about them, be ready for that too), whether/what to tell their friends, etc.
OP I PM’d you.
I also want to stress the importance of a good LinkedIn profile. Over the last 8 years or so, LinkedIn has taken over as both the way to search for a job and for recruiters to find their candidates. Best of luck! Tech is strong right now, and I bet he lands on his feet.
I work in IT and lost my job in 2008 and also in 2016 at 58 (my position was outsourced to India and I trained my replacement). I got complacent and did not learn current hot technologies and did not even have a LinkedIn profile. I was told that I must have a LinkedIn profile and I got it to around 100 former colleagues. I also spent all my time identifying hot technologies and reading up on them as well as prepping for standard interview questions and trying to predict what I may be asked based on job description.
Long story short, after 3 months I was invited for an interview for some stupid contracting position but with a very good hourly rate to a good company close by. I determined that one of my newly found LinkedIn contacts works there and reached out. He gave me internal scoop but unfortunately I was deemed overqualified by the hiring manager. However, my contact said that they were opening 2 full time recs that I might qualify for and he referred me internally. After 3 technical interviews I got an offer but with a $25K pay cut (not sure why they offered less money when they knew what I was making before). I correctly anticipated what they would ask and, especially during the very first interview, I showered the interviewer with details of technology he asked about.
I worked there for 7 months, learned couple of latest technologies, became a hot commodity and had no problems moving on and getting my old salary back and then much more after I got promoted twice. I did have to work extra-hard, much more than at my sleepy 2016 job. So my layoff was really a blessing, a much needed kick in the butt, and LinkedIn played a major role.
OP, I wish your husband good luck, perseverance will pay off and it all may turn for the better.
My husband went through a a layoff last fall. It was very scary. He had only been at the company for 18 months, so was not offered much severance pay.
He also discovered that the LinkedIn platform dominates job searches. He was able to utilize a service offered with his separation package to revamp his LinkedIn profile, and was able to get help with reformatting his resume to optimize it for a job search using LinkedIn.
Thankfully, he landed a new job after 4 months. Hang in there!
Be sure to schedule some fun and breaks with your husband (take a walk, scenic drive, ride bikes, etc.). My husband would get lost in the job search activities, and taking breaks helped ease the stress of it all, for both of us.
I agree that trying to have fun is important.
When my husband had his 2001 layoff, we were fortunate that I still had my job (though I earned less, and there were definite job security concerns there too) and medical benefits. So we decided to splurge for a weekday ski pass (cheaper, fewer crowds) at the local mountain. It seemed if unemployment was long term (it was), he’d get a ton of use out of it… and if he found a job that would be OK too because better finances. He went once a week, and it was great to get a break from the job hunt grind. Perhaps your husband can find a more frugal ways to set in place a “just for fun” weekly habit.
@Cleodx I appreciate you sharing your story. My husband is 53 and finding a job at his age is one of the things that had me concerned. Happy to hear a success story!
@southerncalimom - sorry to hear you are going through this. Hang in there - it will get better.
H and I are both in the tech industry. For one reason or the other, he has moved several times (some voluntary, some not). He has a huge network of connections on LinkedIn and yes - that’s definitely the way to go these days. One piece of advice for your H would be to to be careful about the offers. It’s tempting to take the first offer - but please have him make sure that it is the right fit for him. Of course, this is likely easier said than done, depending on your financial situation. The tech industry does seem to be hiring, so that’s a good thing. My H lost his job just as Covid hit and it took him a few months to find one that he liked again. Not easy being the supportive spouse when you are internally freaking out, way more pressure on you - so please take care. If it helps to vent, come here and do so!
@southerncalimom - Hope things are going ok. I’ve been spouse of unemployed techie as well as almost-unemployed worker (saved by a large company job transfer in the nick of time, twice). It can be really stressful, even in a non-covid world. Sometime ya just gotta figure out a way to get through it one day at a time.