<p>My husband and I have been together for 25+ years, and since our very first date I have been uncomfortable in the car with him. We got in the habit of him driving when we first started dating as we both had trucks with bench seats, and I would of had to move the seat forward to the point of his knees being to his chest for me to drive. He is a fairly aggresive driver, corners too quickly, and passes all but the fastest cars on the highway, etc. Surprisingly, he has never been in a serious car wreck or received more than a couple of traffic tickets. </p>
<p>Over the years, I have grown more and more frightened riding in the car with him. I have always been nervous, but now I am a mess whenever we ride together. I am stomping on the imaginary brake, and bracing against the dashboard. I’m sure my blood pressure rises from the stress. I believe my reaction is out of proportion to the actual risk of riding with him, but I can’t get myself to relax.</p>
<p>Not only is he an agressive driver, he can be somewhat inattentive. Today, was the last straw. He began driving down the exit ramp rather than the on-ramp. Fortunately, he was able to get off before any on-coming traffic came. Instead of apologizing for the mistake, he was defensive and angry at my reaction. For now, I don’t believe I am willing to ride in the car with him behind the wheel. It is not worth the stress.</p>
<p>I would greatly appreciate any suggestions on coping with this situation. I am willing to get counseling to make the stress more manageable, but I don’t know how I can get my husband to meet me halfway and learn to drive safer. Should I plan to be the designated driver from now on?</p>
<p>I can’t help but wonder if you’re my mother. I can’t wait to see the responses to this thread. I started refusing to be in the car when my dad was driving before I had even learned how to drive. My fiance is not a good driver either, though not as bad as my dad, but I am still going to be a little nervous when he is driving my kids around someday. I am at a loss for what I can do to get him to improve but we are constantly sniping at each other when he is driving because he makes lunatic mistakes and gets extremely defensive if I ask him not to do that again.</p>
<p>With my dad, sometimes I WANT him to get a ticket, it’s terrible that he always gets away with it. He hasn’t gotten a single ticket in my lifetime out of pure dumb luck.</p>
<p>I’m sure H is not a bad driver but he does certain things that I think are unnecessary and borderline dangerous. I finally learned to shut up and not gasp, grasp the dashboard, etc. when he’s driving. Wish he’s do the same. Fortunately, he would let me drive all the time if I wanted. </p>
<p>He can be agressive but is not so systematically and doesn’t speed on purpose. But he does come up almost to the rear bumper of semis on the interstate before pulling into the passing lane. I’ve had a truck lose a tire in front of me, and I know what can happen. When you’re the only 2 vehicles on the road, there’s no reason to do that. He also hugs the center line. When I, in the passenger seat, am in the left half of the right lane, we are probably over the center line. This on a wide highway with a wide shoulder. we are going to get sideswiped one day. </p>
<p>Maybe it’s a male thing, but he doesn’t read signs and doesn’t think ahead to what people may do or what lane he should be in for an upcoming turn until the last minute when there’s traffic in the way. </p>
<p>When we lived in the States, H and I would go in separate cars whenever possible. If we had to go in the same car, I would drive. H is a good driver, but he drives me crazy.</p>
<p>H liked to go the speed limit, whether the car in front of him was or not. When I asked him to slow down, he would say, “I am going the speed limit, it’s not my fault the car in front of me is so slow.” Or a car would pull out in front of him and he wouldn’t slow down, I would put on my imaginary break and tell him to stop. He would say, “I have the right of way, he should wait for me to go first.” I just want to scream, “It doesn’t matter who is right if you are dead.”</p>
<p>I have taken to sleeping, actually, but I feel like if that is really a solution you can’t honestly believe the passengers of the car are in danger.</p>
<p>My favorite is, “but I had my foot on the brake!”</p>
<p>I know, sweetheart, but it doesn’t matter if you weren’t ACTUALLY USING IT.</p>
<p>^I assure you, I do the best I can. Short of taking on a second job to pay for a professional driver to chauffeur him around, I’m not sure what else I can do.</p>
<p>old fort … at least he was going the speed limit. Mine says “I’m just going with the traffic” as he matches the speed of the fastest car in sight.</p>
<p>Mine has an aversion to using the brake. He may tap it if traffic is slowing, but immediately starts accelerating again…only to have to hit the brake again because traffic isn’t going at his speed. He also insists on driving in the left lane on the highway even if he isn’t the fastest car on the road & then complains when someone’s on his tail.</p>
<p>We take fewer driving vacations because I find excuses for not going.</p>
<p>I feel for you! I am fortunate that my H will happily ride with me driving, as I am not comfortable riding with him either. I have never been able to sleep or read in a car, and he can do both, so it works out well for us. I don’t think at this point you will be able to change him.</p>
<p>I don’t like being in the car with DH. He’s not nearly as bad as OP’s husband, but the car is not a good place for our relationship. So we often drive separately.</p>
<p>Personally, I would refuse to get in a car that he was driving. Set a good example for the kids. They should do the same with friends of theirs that are poor drivers. There is nothing you can do to change somebody else, but if a bad accident happens, at least your children only lose one of their parents.</p>
<p>Lucky me, H is a very safe driver. But, I would tell you H that because your anxiety is so high when he drives, it’s better for your mental health, and thus your relationship, if you become the designated driver. Put the blame on yourself rather than him. Having a passenger beside you gasping under his/her breath and stomping on the imaginary brake is not easy for the driver and leads him/her to make mistakes. I know because H does it to me and I’m a good driver, except when he rides with me. My solution is that he drives.</p>
<p>I thought the exact same thing when I read this. Honestly, the only advice I can come up with is to minimize your time driving with him. Whether it’s eating dinner at home or getting delivery instead of going out, watching a movie instead of going to the theater, or whatever, you really should be able to get out of most driving situations.</p>
<p>Then again, you may just want to talk to him about it when he isn’t driving.</p>
<p>My fiance seems to really want to drive better but when he tries too hard he just gets nervous and makes mistakes that are beyond even him. I am wondering if I can find him a defensive driving course to take or something, at this point I think he would be interested in doing that-- heck, so would I. Maybe we’ll do it together, might make him feel less persecuted.</p>
<p>DW responds to my driving the same way OP does to her husband’s driving. Fortunately she’s the only one who feels that way about my driving. I’m just saying …</p>
<p>Man, I would’ve had a heart attack if I was in a car when the driver tried to drive onto the highway via the EXIT RAMP! I don’t blame you for refusing to drive with him.</p>
<p>I wish I knew a way to get him to act more safely, but I don’t . . . Maybe talk with him about it when you’re at home? Maybe he’d react more defensively at the kitchen table instead of behind the wheel.</p>