I will look for an avatar that is not so frantic now.
Is this what is called a “Humble boast”?
I agree that time is best spent seeking aid / scholarships from the colleges. That has potential for 4 years of money. Few students get more than a few hundred dollars from outside scholarships, and typically they do research and applications before February.
It’s OK to be frustrated. Many of us have been frustrated with hs seniors during college app turmoil. Try to keep a clear head so you can guide your son through his choices. Be firm about ruling out the ones that financially not feasible.
^^ Humblebrag, one word, not humble boast …
I think I see where he gets the drama gene. 
This is a weird thread. Almost every post has been edited? Is that odd?
As to the original post, I would love it if that was as obnoxious as my HS senior ever got!
^I make a lot of typos which I don’t notice until after I post, so my posts are often edited. My post on this thread was edited because the italics came out screwy.
Are you referring to local scholarships?
is he getting financial aid? If so, any scholarships found will just be subtracted from financial aid and he won’t have any more money than if he hadn’t done anything.
Or are you referring to some database or online list of scholarships? I honestly don’t know any kids who pursued those.
Or are your referring to merit scholarship applications at colleges?
Have you done the FAFSA and CSS Profiles and have your estimated family contribution (EFC)? Hopefully he qualifies for aid at any privates he likes, but if he doesn’t qualify for financial aid, the either merit scholarships (usually the deadline is past by now but check) or public schools will be the best option.
I think your expectations may be unreasonable. Not sure why he is driving you crazy. A lot of parents would love to have a kid doing these fulfilling kinds of work with enthusiasm!
Is your kid going to be eligible for need-based aid anywhere? If so, then you need to remember that most colleges and universities reduce their need-based awards by the amount of any scholarship received. So even landing a whole bunch out outside money might not make any difference overall.
This is up to him. He should know your budget for college and live within it. He’s 17 or 18, and can make his own decisions on how to spend his time, working or volunteering. I can think of worse things for him than volunteering at the middle school.
My daughter is also in acting. She only had a few minor scholarships, so she had a limited number of colleges to pick from (one) but that’s what she wanted. She did not try out for a lot of schools because she didn’t want the debt or the pressure. She has friends at UCF and FSU theater programs and they love it. If he is such a good student, he’ll have Bright Futures, and probably a Pegasus from UCF. What other scholarships do you want him to apply for?
OP, please take a deep breath and answer some basic questions.
Is your son a Senior in HS ? What state do you live in?
Have you run Net Price Calculator on the colleges he has applied to, and do you have any colleges on his list that you can actually afford to send him to? How much money are you willing and able to contribute to his college education? And how much money is his father willing and able to contribute? That is the basis for choosing which colleges you can seriously consider for your son, along with colleges which offer large merit awards. Divorced parents have a more complicated situation for whether or not the federal government and the colleges decide you have actual financial need. It sucks when the ex-husband has a large income but chooses not to participate in funding son’s college education. But you have to know what your situation is and accept it and move forward with the limited choices you have left.
It does no good to try to spin your wheels to research for scholarships when you don’t have the basics completed. Go back to square one and figure out if any of the colleges your son has applied to are actually affordable for your family.
If you want to give us his GPA and his test scores, that could help posters give you advice. It is very late in the game for getting scholarships, so you might also begin to consider having your son take a gap year and work to save money and apply again to more affordable colleges next year. A gap year filled with more theater experiences could be time well spent to beef up his applications. You just can’t take any college courses during your gap year, or you will be ineligible for scholarship money.
There is nothing wrong with your son’s enthusiasm for theater, as long as he is keeping his grades up as well. I suggest you reconsider your desire to pull the car away from him, I just don’t see what the problem is. (Unless, of course, his academic grades are slipping due to all his theater work.)
I agree that a job would be more beneficial than applying to non-institutional scholarships. Outside scholarships tend to be small, only good for 1 year and highly labor intensive. That’s not to say he shouldn’t do ANY. I’d absolutely be looking for theatre related scholarships in your community even if they were small 500 dollar awards. It’s just that a part-time job now, an excellent full-time summer job… that’s going to be far more beneficial use of his time overall. The work can even be theatre related. Both my kids started working as youth theatre camp/class aides at 14 (and that was my high school job as well!) I don’t know about your community but the 3 largest programs in our county do pay their classroom aides at least minimum wage. Check out any local theme parks… around now is when they’ll start hiring summer talent (costume characters, performers, sound techs, etc.) Any local summer stocks or summer professional theatre companies will be auditioning now (many outdoor summer companies have lower level equity contracts which means they’ll hire a few equity members but then cast and pay local non-union in the ensemble.)
I would encourage him to continue his theatrical tech studies along with musical theatre. Few make it rich but a good theatre tech will work steadily even in a bad economy.
You and I both know that this community theatre gig isn’t going to pay for college. Even if there is profit sharing involved he’d make more working fast food. Personally, I hated doing community theatre and my kids hate it even more. It’s no where close to what it’s like to work professionally (something our whole family has done a lot of… kids on the acting side, husband and I on the tech side.) However, it is an experience and if he’s never done anything outside of youth theatre or high school, it might be a good experience (even if it’s “bad” know what I mean?)
As to the car, it was a gift from his father. You don’t get to take it away because you want him doing scholarships. Now, if he was having drug problems, skipping school and/or failing out, absolutely! Sounds like he’s a smart kid working hard (even if it’s not paid work.) You shouldn’t be taking the car away.
You need to put this in perspective. The reality is, if he doesn’t have enough money for school, they he won’t be attending in the fall. Make him a spread sheet of the colleges he’s applied to with the net-price calculator costs. Then give him the budget (how much you and your ex can pay total.) Make sure he knows that total is to cover tuition, housing, books, travel, etc. Let him know that he’ll be responsible for the gap. Yes, this discussion should have happened junior year prior to application season but it absolutely HAS to happen now as decisions are released. If he chooses not to do scholarships and doesn’t get merit or aid to fill the gap at school then he can attend community college and transfer or work and take a gap year.
All parents wish their kids would apply to scholarships…but most of them don’t. 8-|
Sometimes it is good to take a step back and see that your son is interested in something and is pursuing it. How many kids have no path forward? or are interested in video games? or worse?
I would suggest telling him how much you can afford each year…and then sending him links to scholarships that might be useful…and make sure he is applying to schools that offer merit scholarships…or make sure the NPC you are expected to pay works for you.
My suggestion would be that unless you have a great hook for a particular scholarship or there are some good local scholarships with small applicant pools, the time invested in shotgunning scholarships with large applicant pools is not worth the effort required.
^^This. The only scholarships you should seriously look for are the ones where there a limited pool of applicants. A good example would be if your local teachers’ union offers a scholarship to children of the union.
Please pay particular attention to Powercropper’s post. I don’t think you understand about Net Price Calculators, so here is a summary:
By federal law, every college in the United States must have a Net Price Calculator somewhere on its website. Some schools try to hide it, so go up to the search bar and type in that exact phrase, “net price calculator” and you should find it. Then type in your financial stats (and your ex-spouse’s) and then you should get an approximation of what they are going to offer you next month. Do this for all of the colleges where your son applied.
For the income side, be sure to look at all the loans they recommend. Second, look for a “gap.” For example, it costs $50k/year to go to ABC University, but when you add up all of the aid, loans and parental contribution, the total only comes to $45k. That $5k missing is called a “gap.” And you borrow even more money to pay that too, and you do that again for all four years for a total of $20,000 more-- this is in addition to the listed Parental Contribution.
Finally, don’t forget to look at the expenses side. College costs more than tuition, room and board. Compare both lists of all categories. In short, the details matter.
Hope this helps… and for any editors reading this, could we consider pinning an explanation of Net Price Calculators to several of the boards? You are welcome to take mine as a starting point. Thanks.
I also am blessed with “supposedly intelligent” children, and as I was complaining about how my son was driving me to wits end during his college application process/scholarship searc, my father chuckled and told me “That’s exactly what they are supposed to do, what do you think you did to me and your mother!”
He told me “It would be great if we knew then what we know now, but you’re the first to point out how different things were for you compared to when I was on the GI Bill - so I imagine things are also different for him than they were for you”
The best advice I got when I complained “What am I supposed to do with a child who is driving my nuts?” was from my great aunt, who told me “ENDURE!”
I’m still confused about your dilemma. Your son sounds like a hard-working talented kid who has a plan. I guess I don’t see the problem with a kid who spends his time on AP classes, and a LOT of hours volunteering, working, acting, etc. Most people would be thrilled to have these issues. I agree with others that spending hours filling out applications for an un-focused group of scholarships is a waste of time. The scholarship websites usually list scholarships that are very wide-based and for which thousands of kids are applying- they are typically for small amounts of money and the chances of winning one are slim. He is better off applying for talent-based scholarships at the schools to which he is applying, academic scholarships through his high school or through his colleges, local theater or other talent competitions, etc. Hopefully, he has applied only to schools that are financially feasible for your family. Once he gets an offer from a school, don’t be afraid to ask for talent money or to negotiate. Depending on how badly they want him, they might be willing to give him some extra. We didn’t directly negotiate, but my D was given a substantial additional amount of money when she hesitated to accept an offer of admission.
“…he just wasn’t working hard on what “I” felt was important.” This statement honestly made me cringe. It sounds as if your son is passionate about theater and has decided it is important to him. He is doing everything right to get experience and to build up his resume. It might be useful to sit down with him and have an honest discussion about what his plans are and how you feel about it. If finances are an issue and you need him to earn a set amount of money over the summer, than discuss how he can accomplish that, either through his theater job or with another job. As far as the car goes, I feel it would be a big mistake to limit how he uses it as long as he is not abusing your trust. He is driving to volunteer and work positions and to take that away would probably cause a huge amount of resentment. I wish him the best in his pursuit of his craft! I agree with another poster- I think we can guess where he got his dramatic flare!
Op- I sympathize. My kids pretty much never worked on what I thought was important, and they all went their own paths and did their own things and guess what- it worked out pretty great for them in the end.
It may help you to connect with other parents of performing arts kids who are several years older to get a reality check on your son’s life for the next decade. I know a very talented young man in his late 20’s who has achieved a lot of professional success (for his age and for his craft) but if you were to hear what he’s done since his teenage years you would cry. There is no question for anyone who knows him that this is what he was born to do (at least for now, while he’s young and healthy and his energy/physical strength is there)-- but it’s been a time consuming (all consuming) path for him. I admire his parents- who basically stepped back and let him drive the train, reminding him to sleep and eat protein occasionally- but I think it will help you get a grasp of what your son wants to attempt.
The young people I’ve met through him in the theatrical/performing arts world are astonishingly focused and talented. But they freely admit that they have friends who are more talented whose careers have sputtered or who are on somewhat of a downward spiral professionally. There is a reason why virtually every Tony winner (and almost every biography in the back of a theater program) thanks Mom and Dad. Yes, they have an agent and a manager and an entire “crew”- dialect coach, voice training, dance teacher, any special teachers for stunts or fencing or using special equipment… but the real thanks go to the families who have quietly supported the performer for many years before the big break.
Based on your description- your son already knows what lies ahead for him. He has learned to grab each and every opportunity to perform, to direct, to learn the technical craft of production and sets and lighting, etc. Every opportunity builds on his skills, and even the ones that seem like a waste of time to someone “not in the business” can have an important apprenticeship component- being cast against his physical type? Needing an Australian accent? Having to ride a unicycle onstage? (I’m not kidding. His agent down the road will have a full inventory of every unusual skill or experience he’s had, and he may get cast in something unbelievable because he was the only guy in the room who could juggle a pile of socks while drinking orange juice).
I think if you talk to some parents of kids who are already “making it” you will have a very different perspective on how methodical your son’s approach has been. The “special snowflakes” who only want to perform when the role is perfect, or only take on the prestigious assignments have it upside down. You build your craft by slogging the hours on the low end stuff, learning from people who are one step ahead of you until you too get the goodies.
If only THAT worked. NPCs make it very hard to figure out how to add NCP info, whether to add it to yours, do the calculator twice, etc…none of it seems very accurate.
@OHMomof2 I agree that the accuracy is higher for families who aren’t divorced. But the NPC is the best mechanism that we have. I know for our older child, we called a couple of schools’ financial aid offices with questions. It was well worth the time.
Also, it’s sometimes worth running a calculator more than one way and see what that does to the bottom line. For example, run the school with one kid in college and then also with two kids in college since they will overlap each other.