I am going to get SUSPENDED as a sophomore I believe. Will this affect my chances of being accepted to my dream schools?

Applying to College
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So I’m a sophomore and I’m a pretty good student. I have around a 4.2 GPA and I have a bunch of ECs, such as volunteering at different organizations and starting my own nonprofit. I’m planning to engage in more stuff over the summer, such as joining research programs and starting a club at my school.

You can see from this that I’m pretty aspirational about where I want to go to college, and I take this stuff and my future very seriously.

The issue arises where I got into trouble yesterday. Real, DEEP trouble. Some kids were playing around with me, poking my scrotum-area with a pencil before class started, we were congregating in the lounge. Keep in mind that this is the sophomore lounge, where basically the ENTIRE grade is in (I go to private school). At first, I just tried to ignore their antics and I backed up a little, gave a pathetic laugh, and ignored them for the most part. It happened a couple more times and I thus told them to stop (it was 2 of them doing it). They stopped at this command, but another one (separate from the original 2) seemed to not get the message. He’s my friend and we have a lot of AP classes together. Trying to add on to the joke and be more funny, he took it a step further and extending his leg at my tender area, kicking it.

Yea. You can pretty much guess what happened after this. I don’t think he meant to hit me hard, but it actually ended up hurting a lot and because of this I went absolutely CRAZY on him and beat him in front of the whole grade in that lounge. I hit some shots to the head and neck area, and eventually a teacher split us apart and sent us to the office. He, being my friend, wanted to lie what happened and say I didn’t punch him, but for me to lie about him also not kicking me. I obviously did NOT do this because there were tons of witnesses and lying would get me in more trouble. We were interrogated separately, he lied but I didn’t. He didn’t sustain any injuries, maybe some scratches.

The vice principal asked me a bunch of questions and told me that she understood what I did was technically an act of self-defense, but that I should’ve told a teacher instead, preferably anonymously. I realize that I should’ve done this, but I really did NOT want to be seen as a snitch and make my social situation worse. It was also really an in-the-moment decision as something snapped inside me when I got hit by that kick to the balls. And I don’t mean something snapped in my balls (but yes it did hurt and I could feel my stomach vibrating). I kind of just didn’t tolerate that kind of disrespect and all of that disrespect kind of escalated into a crescendo and eventually I couldn’t take it anymore.

So the vice principal basically said that they’re considering the options and there may be a possible suspension involved, but also she mentioned a demerit, a warning kind of, in the form of an “Inappropriate Contact Demerit” because she understood what I did was in self-defense, but that she would converse with the principal about it. Well, this all happened yesterday on a Friday, and I received news that I am supposed to stay home from school on Monday and have an official meeting on Tuesday with both parties of parents and discuss what happened and the consequences. The email to my dad didn’t explicitly say I was suspended, just to stay home from school on Monday. SO basically, I’m worried that I’m suspended.

So, my question is, is this going to drastically affect my chances of getting into a good college and thus destroy my future? I don’t want any of that bs about how college doesn’t determine your future, I know for a fact that it does. I’m really an aspiring and studious student and I truly believe what I did was in self-defense. Say I’m suspended, am I going to be rejected from every top-tier college I am aiming for, and my dream school University of Pennsylvania? And Finally, what should I say at the meeting on Tuesday? I know there is a zero-tolerance violence policy at my school but I truly believe that what I did was in self-defense, but that I could have done something differently and instead told a teacher about it later anonymously. Everything just happened so quickly and when his foot was kicked into my balls, so was my immediate instinct to defend myself.

Please answer, I’m really scared and nervous about this situation.
Thanks!

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I don’t need to read all this. I just need to know - you were suspended. I don’t know if it’s on your record or not. It doesn’t seem like you will be.

So let’s look at what you are asking.

  1. Will this destroy you getting into a good college - no. Keep in mind, there are hundreds if not more good colleges.

  2. Will this destroy your future? No - but keep in mind, going to a “good” college doesn’t secure your future just as not going to college doesn’t mean a lack of success. You, not a college, will determine your succcess.

  3. There are no dream schools - none. All schools have something wrong - bad roomies, profs, food, etc. Maybe someone at Penn got mugged. Whatever it is…there are countless kids “transferring” out of their dreams. Penn is a hard get no matter what you do in HS. And there are many fine colleges that will share a similarity with Penn and no doubt, whether Penn or another, you’ll find your way.

As to what you should say - the truth. Listen, don’t react but think about your answer before you state it and be truthful.

Best of luck.

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I think you’ll be okay.

But please have a variety of schools you are looking at. You need to have a safety or two on your list too that you live and would be thrilled to attend. Many kids who have great GPAs, great ECs, great test scores are not accepted to Penn and other super selective schools. Having perfect grades is not a guaranteed ticket to acceptance anywhere. There are just too many perfect students out there.

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I’m really sorry this happened to you! Do your parents know what happened yet, and are they being supportive?

Situations like yours when people are touching a person’s private parts against their will (whether clothed or unclothed) used to be brushed off as just “horseplay” between guys. But now it is seen as true bullying and even a form of sexual assault. You should not be the one who gets in trouble for this, and I hope your parents back you on that. Truthfully, if somebody had done this to my kid, I would be calling a lawyer.

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Absolutely he should. The appropriate response was not beating the crap out of the kid.

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Thank you! This insight helped me a lot

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Thanks for this! I will definitely keep safety schools.

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Yea, my parents know what happened. My mom wasn’t really that supportive and said I should’ve just ran away. My dad understood where I was coming from more. Its also important to note that its hard to make better judgement when your balls are on fire, and when your stomach is on vibrate mode because of it. The adrenaline just kicked in and I defended myself. I really appreciate you defending me! At first they were poking my private parts kinda and then it escalated when he kicked it and actualy hurt it, which was when I couldn’t just hold it in anymore.

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So I SHOULD be the one to get in trouble for defending myself against sexual assault and eliminating a threat and rendering him unable to do me more harm than he already had until a teacher was present? Just want to make sure that’s what your implying, that the other person was right in sexually assaulting me and that I shouldn’t have defended myself and should have just taken it and writhed in sheer pain silently. I want to see what would happen to you if you were kicked in the balls like this randomly.

I have no idea how you became a super moderator.

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You violated the zero-tolerance policy, so yes, you should “get in trouble.” I’m not saying you’re the only one who should be punished.

But there’s a world of difference between defending oneself and going “absolutely CRAZY on him and beat him in front of the whole grade in that lounge. I hit some shots to the head and neck area.” You crossed the line.

I’m not moderator of this thread, and am allowed to participate where I’m not moderating. You asked for opinions. That doesn’t mean that you’ll be happy with all the answers.

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I think a kick in the balls would trigger an instinctive aggressive reaction. Even a surprise poke can do that. Our bodies are wired that way.

I agree, if my kid was in this situation, I might talk to a lawyer. I would not tell the school this in an adversarial way but calmly tell them I wanted to check with our lawyer on how to proceed, as if it is helpful. With a smile.

But wait to see what happens. They may not put anything on the record.

Your friends are a little old to be poking your privates let alone kicking them. You might need more mature friends!

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On my mothers soul this happened what. Why else would I type all this out bruh

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Yeah I completely agree with you and I’m really thankful for your advice. I actually value this opinion the most here because your a mom and theres just a sheer amount of experience and wisdom that you hold because of that. Thanks so much for replying, I will definitely take your advice.

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I see what you did there.

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You asked for everyone’s opinion when you posted

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Why do you think I’d lie about this

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Valid. But he’s still condoning me getting sexually assaulted and not doing anything about it. SO invalid.

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