<p>It is true that many/most of us can think of “nice” people who got/get on our nerves, just as we can think of not-so-nice people who also irritate us. It is important for us to take stock from time to time of the folks we are drawn to and spend a lot of our time and energy with. Are they people who bring out things in US that we like or dislike? To me, this is a very important question and one that I DO spend time analyzing. It seems worthwhile. So far, I’ve been happy with my evaluation.</p>
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<p>You can’t do what you haven’t tried. And I don’t mean spending 5 minutes while driving. Actual thought. Some people need a therapist to achieve the same goal, but nonetheless it is possible for everyone. I hate to whip out a movie line, but Inception has one aspect of psychotherapy correct - the mind can always trace the genesis of an idea. It just can take a long time and a lot more effort in some cases.</p>
<p>Are there any books to help a girl figure this all out?</p>
<p>I really think it’s getting away from focusing on what attracts you and paying attention instead to who you simply care deeply about. It’s the heart vs other organs (sorry to be a little gross).</p>
<p>“I seem to always be attracted to either guys who are not attracted to me or ones who are unpredictable - like say they will call and then don’t.”</p>
<p>If they are not attracted to you, no big deal. </p>
<p>If they say they will call and don’t, there are two possibilities. The first is nothing happened between the two of you and they didn’t call. No big deal. The second is you slept with them right away and they never called you. The solution to the second is not to sleep with someone right away.</p>
<p>Class of 2015: your post resonated with me. At 20, the bad guy or unattainable guy may be more interesting and exciting than the good guy but as many of us bad guy magnets may attest, you could spend your 50’s dreaming about the good guy who would just love you no matter what.</p>
<p>away2school - I can recommend books but I’d need to have a better idea of what exactly you’re looking for. There’s no universal book that will help you solve this. Obviously, there may be deeper issues which aren’t solvable by just one trip to Barnes & Noble - you may need a longer personal journey. If you’re in college, you should have access to free psychiatric services. Check them out while you can, they can give you a much more accurate assessment than any of us can.</p>
<p>away2school - maybe you should meet my son. 24 y/o, attractive as all get-out, smart, funny (if you get to know him), but … he doesn’t know how to play the “game” you’re talking about. He’s too honest, too naive. And yes, a bit of a rebel.</p>
<p>Anyway, there are guys out there who are nice. I’m happy there are girls, like you, out there interested in finding one.</p>