<p>My parents are very controlling in my eyes, and something happened at school today that I feel terrible about- but I’m not sure if this is ‘normal’ or if my perception of the situation is valid.</p>
<p>What happened: I have study hall last period. All juniors and seniors -and I mean all- who have study hall last period have ‘early leave’, so they can basically just leave campus.</p>
<p>I don’t have a car, so I can’t get home. I told my mom before school started “yes, I have early leave, but I always have work to do at school so I’ll just keep busy”.</p>
<p>Today (first day of school), I go to my study hall, and am called aside my an administrator. She told me my mother emailed the principle to let him know to not let me leave the school. Because of this, when all the other seniors get to leave, I have to report to a class and a teacher I don’t have to make sure I stay on campus.</p>
<p>I am so angry. It’s not that I have to stay- that’s what I was going to do anyways- but…AGH. I feel like a freaking 10 year old- my mother actually contacted the principle to let him know that I can’t leave, please make sure she stays on campus, wouldn’t want her to get into any mischief like getting extra help from teachers or working on some project in the library!</p>
<p>You need to communicate exactly this to your mom. Let her know that you were singled out and are being treated differently than every other child your age at school, and that now your mobility is hindered and you must report to a classroom and that makes you angry.</p>
<p>Are you justified? Sure. You have the right to feel anything you feel. Most people don’t like to be told what to do or have added restrictions placed on them.</p>
<p>Did your mom act correctly - I don’t know. Perhaps. However, I think it would be good for her to know the results of the email and how you feel about it.</p>
<p>Based on the information that you have given, I think that your anger is justified. Is there more to the story? Have you given your parents a reason not to trust you?</p>
<p>@lotsofquests- Parents have a reason not to trust me? Sure. They’re very, very conservative and religious. They hate anything ‘western’. They’ve told me I’m ‘too enticed by the western lifestyle’ (I’m not ashamed about my body, I have non-religious friends, I think that parents shouldn’t control their female children’s lives until the moment they get married, etc.). My mother saw me in a tank top the summer after freshman year, and I’ve been basically barred from going to friends’ houses after that (before that, only friends of my own race they allowed). There’s a bunch of things that have gone wrong.</p>
<p>@cromette- Thank you for the kind words. Talking with them never really helps though- it usually makes things much worse.</p>
<p>Then all I have left for you is a “hang in there, kid!” Sorry for your frustration, but if they won’t listen, then you’re sort of stuck.</p>
<p>The good news is you’ll be 18 soon and can make many more of your own decisions.</p>
<p>My parents were also strict and sheltering (not as much as yours), but I’ve always been a very independent person. When I was 18, I was READY FOR IT.</p>
<p>Your day is coming. Try your best to be patient with them and respect them in the meantime. I know 2 years sounds like FOREVER. But it will be gone in an instant.</p>
<p>No, that doesn’t sound like your parents have a reason not to trust you but it does give more information to put things in the right context. I am very sorry that you have to deal with this. It is very hard to be caught between two cultures.</p>
<p>I think it is “normal” for THEM. Not typical in US culture, but I think you are dealing with a generational and cultural conflict here. My kids also did not have cars and thus could not leave early. And I did have a rule that I did not want them riding with other teenagers due to the statistics regarding teen driver accidents. But I would not have contacted the principal to make sure, I would have assumed that us having a discussion was enough.</p>
<p>I assume after you report to that teacher you may be allowed to go to the library or to seek help from a teacher with a free class period. So you probably can get what you need to done.</p>
<p>So if your anger justified? Maybe… but you might as well let go of it. You will not change them, and being angry will not do any good. I don’t think you say if you are a junior or a senior. But you only have 1-2 years left before going to college. So my advice is to chill on things like this. Do NOT react, don’t even let them know you are thinking about it. Keep your eye on the prize, which is allowing you to dorm away from home at college. Maybe this isn’t an issue, but we see quite a few students whose parents are like yours and expect their kids to live at home during college. You want them to think you are their version of “trustworthy” so this does not become an issue. Fake it when you have to.</p>
<p>“Because of this, when all the other seniors get to leave, I have to…”</p>
<p>OP, I assume that you are a HS senior, and I also assume you will be going to college in a year or so. At 17 or 18, a year might sound like an eternity, but it will fly by really fast. Hang in there! Use the study hall time to research schools and scholarships that can make you less dependent on your parents. Someday, you will be free from their religious and cultural oppression.</p>
<p>Go to the financial aid and scholarships section of these forums and look at the sticky threads at the top for automatic and competitive full ride scholarships.</p>
<p>The only way you can escape parental control in college is to get a full ride merit scholarship so that you will not have to depend on them for either money or cooperation with financial aid paperwork. If they are as controlling and conservative as you make them out to be, then they are likely to want to impose severe restrictions on your choice of college (and perhaps other aspects of your life like marriage).</p>
<p>Me, too, but I think you’re lucky, in a way, that the weird requirement your parents have insisted on is based on a cultural difference, rather than something personal. Your friends are old enough to understand cultural differences.</p>
<p>Not eligible for any full rides anywhere- my gpa isn’t good enough. But I don’t find myself too restricted on my college search. Everyone in my family, regardless of gender, has traveled (usually alone) to go to college- not to mention I’m limiting myself to my half of the country, and that one of my top choices is an all women’s college only 4 hours away.</p>
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<p>The problem is that it most definitely feels like something personal.</p>
<p>Are your parents planning to let you go to college and choose your own time and partner in marriage? If so, then just try to get through until you can leave. If not, you have other things you should be worrying about.</p>
<p>@zoosermom- Half. I’m going to college, but after I graduate they expect me to stay home until I get married (I can’t go looking for a partner, but have the choice to say no to anyone they bring to me. And since all these guys will be awesome in my parents’ eyes, my rejecting them will probably bring a lot of shiz down on us. Needless to say, I’m not planning on moving back in with them).</p>
<p>migraine, I know a lot of people in similar communities. Maybe the best thing you could do at this point is to try not to call attention to yourself so you can get where you are going. You don’t want to be perceived as rebellious and have someone decide that you are the one child who can’t be trusted to go away. And as for your question, I agree with your anger. Could you talk to a counselor at the school or a teacher who might go to bat for you for the school to give you a break?</p>
<p>So… you want to consider your major pretty carefully so you can position yourself to get a job and not have to move back after college. Finances have pushed an awful lot of young college grads back home. You want to make sure you can be financially independent when you graduate.</p>
<p>Your parents are testing the limits of their control over you.
Your goal is to go away to college with their financial support.
Just accept that you’ll be on campus all day, get your homework done and move forward.
Over reacting is not the way to go.
They are watching how you feel entitled to privileges that Western kids expect but you are not permitted within your culture.
Don’t give them reason to call you out.
Your patience will pay off by going to your college of choice.
Eye on the prize.</p>
<p>@zoosermom- I actually just got my schedule fixed by my guidance counselor. I was switching some other classes around and it got confusing, but it ended up that I have study hall last period again- but this time my GC put that I have early leave (I think she did that on purpose, since she’s the one who submitted my original schedule in the first place).</p>
<p>@intparent- I’ve been worrying about that. My planned majors are all centered around media/communications…yeah, I know.</p>
<p>So… another hurdle you will have is getting some summer work/internship experience that is relevant. Essential with those types of majors to get some work experience before graduating. Or at some colleges you could double major with something more practical (math, econ, general business, etc.) if you have ability in those areas. Depending on where you live, maybe you could get that experience while living at home in the summers – your parents might not be so keen on you living in another city for a summer.</p>