<p>Alternatively, you might want to choose a college that’s located in a city where you can also find summer internships, especially if your home town doesn’t offer any. Your parents might not object so much to you spending the summer in the same city where you’re already going to school. If your college or another college in the same city rents dorm rooms to summer interns, that might be an ideal summer living arrangement (and many interns like that kind of housing anyway). From the point of view of your parents, the summer internship might seem like an extension of the school year.</p>
<p>OP told his mother that he wasn’t leaving early, he was staying at school. His mother didn’t make him stay. The only thing she did was to email the school about when her child (under 18) is to leave school. Call me crazy, but I fail to see what’s so controlling about that. When my kids were in high school, I wanted to know where they were and didn’t want them to hitch rides with people. Now, my kids would ask me if they could go anywhere before they went, so I wouldn’t be compelled to contact the school. But if OP is the kind of kid who would go off to places without letting his mother know, then I would let the school know when I expected my kid to leave the school.</p>
<p>oldfort, I am quite sure the OP is a “she”, not a “he”. And… given the parent’s expectations about arranged marriage and not wearing tank tops and only having friends of her own race, I think there is more to her problems than just this one incident.</p>
<p>It is the “principal”, not “principle”. But apart from that, I do have a question.</p>
<p>Why did your Mom do this? I never had a child who would leave the campus so I never had to do this, but I do know a Mom whose kid was leaving early with guys, so she had to be more hands-on. I guess I’m asking you what precipitated this scrutiny by your Mom? Have you lost her trust in some way? If so, you need to regain it.</p>
<p>If you have never done anything to make your parents not trust you, you need to gently tell your Mom that you felt embarrassed that she overstepped her boundaries in instructing the principal not to let you leave campus, when juniors and seniors have this privilege. Talk to her about it in terms of how it made you feel - not in terms of what SHE did wrong.</p>
<p>OP has already pretty much answered this. This is a cultural thing. It is not indicated that trust has been lost, only that many freedoms that most of us consider “normal” or age appropriate are not tolerated by OP’s parents.</p>
<p>I was using a generic he. It wouldn’t have mattered. SHE told her parents that she was staying at school, so what would have mattered. Unless of course if she was telling her parents that she was staying at school, but then sneaking off some where else without her parents’ knowledge. Of course if it is a cultural thing, then it would be really bad if OP were to go to a boy’s house without her parents’ knowledge.</p>
<p>I am under the impression that she would have to check into a study hall daily during that period based on her mom’s request. Sounds like the GC changed that, though, when changing other classes.</p>
<p>Why would you use a “generic he”? I think the OP’s issues are quite specific to being female in the culture her parents come from. It makes a difference if it is a he or she. I suspect her parents would not have sent that same email for a son. The OP has indicated she had no intention of going anywhere. It is the policing/checking up aspect that frustrates her.</p>
<p>IntpaRent - because I didn’t read every post to know OP was a she. We don’t know if OP’s parents would have behaved different if she was a he. I bet you OP’s parents would have arranged to pick her up earlier if she wasn’t going to stay late. My money is on that OP told her parents she wasn’t going to come home early because she wanted to have the flexibility to do what she wanted to do without having to report in to her parents. When D1 was a senior, she also had flexibility to leave the campus, but we had to sign off on it.</p>
<p>There aren’t that many posts… it is kind of obnoxious to give advice without actually reading at least the OP’s comments. This isn’t a 10 page thread… and even reading the first post carefully (near the end) you can see the use of “she”.</p>
<p>And I assume the OP is probably taking a bus home, since she doesn’t have a car. Again, if you read her first post “I don’t have a car, so I can’t get home”. That implies that no one can come and pick her up at that time, nor does her regular transportation leave at the time early leave starts.</p>
<p>Intparent. - good for you that you have that much time to read every post. I wasn’t giving advice, I just thought it was silly she was upset about this. She told her mother she was going to stay on campus, so stay on campus. I think she is upset because she had no intention on staying on campus.</p>
<p>That may be what you think. OP describes a scenario where she was singled out as others were leaving and told she had to report to a classroom. She expressed frustration about not being treated like the other seniors, and embarrassment that her parents had emailed the principal. I’d say that’s fairly understandable. Maybe she wanted to leave campus…that is not what she said. And frankly, I would think it would be within the realm of “reasonable” to be frustrated with that restriction at the when of 18 as well. 17 is a time rife with frustration.</p>
<p>Could it be OP’s parents didn’t know she was going to be singled out? How were they suppose to know? I didn’t. Like I said, my kid’s school required me to give consent for her to leave campus. There is a thread about FERPa where different schools had different requirements. As an immigrant parent, she probably thought she was just being proactive, not necessarily to embarrass her DAUGHTER.</p>
<p>Yes, but if you do read the rest of the OP’s posts, you will see that the parents have been very restrictive all through high school for the OP (and intend to be after college as well). No tank tops, no friends of other races, and no visiting friends’ houses at all. I would guess that her mom does not care in the least if she embarrasses her daughter. Oldfort, maybe I don’t remember this right, but possibly you are an immigrant parent? So possibly you see this in the same light that her parents do.</p>
<p>oldfort, yes, it would have been a bunch of whining if it weren’t for some other things OP said. She got in trouble for wearing a tank top - uh-oh, a red flag came up for me. Her parents expect her to marry the person of their choosing - huge red flag going up here! She is going to a women’s college - nothing wrong with that, I have a kid who graduated from one, but… there are some religious parents who send their Ds to such colleges because a coed school is not an option for a female in their view… I think the letter to the principal was the proverbial straw for OP.</p>
<p>MaineLonghorn - that nonsense apparently translates “Im so frustrated!” into English from Qwerty. :)</p>
<p>I am an immigrants’ child. Being there, done that. I used to know all the stunts to fool my parents. My parents would have liked me to marry someone of my race, and I married a white guy. They got over it.</p>
<p>I’m not faulting OP’s parents. I’m also not negating OP’s frustration and embarrassment. I’m pretty sure that OP’s parents did not know she would be embarrassed. I am sure they thought there would be many kids whose parents were equally restrictive. However, I also suspect that had they known, it would not have mattered much. The outcome would be the same. Good that you’ve made it to the other side of restrictive immigrant parents. It’s not always an easy road to live in one world with your parents stuck in another. Good you made it through…OP’s still living it, and it seems reasonable to me for her to be frustrated and embarrassed.</p>
<p>Oldfort, you are jumping to the conclusion that you know what is going on and what is in the OP’s head when you did not even bother to read her posts. You maybe have come from a cultural background where your actions were restricted as a young woman, but that does not give you any special allowance to give advice without reading the details. Nor do I think it positions you in any special way to give the OP advice. In fact, you seem to be disregarding the OP’s issues and concerns. Seems to me that given your own difficulties in building a life of your choosing (eg, selecting your own spouse), you might be a bit more supportive of the OP.</p>