<p>I am sure there are a lot of average American parents who also do some pretty strange things which are embarrassing to their kids too. Let’s see…Parents get divorced, show up with new SO who is almost same age as you. Mom hits mid life crisis, shows up at car pool line with tight leather pants. Parents who forget to save up money for college, or think money is better spent on a mansion, boat, vacation. Parents who allow their young teenagers to drink and do drugs at home because they want to be cool. </p>
<p>When I was growing up, I was embarrassed by my parents. I wanted my parents to act like my friends’s parents. I imagined my friends’ families were like Brady Bunch, everyone loved each other and every problem could be resolved in half an hour. I now know my parents didn’t do such a bad job with us.</p>
<p>Again, I am not giving OP advice. I just think she is whining. Part of maturity is able to see another side and appreciate what one has.</p>
<p>Sooooo…because other parents do embarrassing things, OP shouldn’t feel or express embarrassment? She should just get over it? And what advice was given that didn’t translate?</p>
<p>Everyone has their whiny moments…everyone gets frustrated, and growing up is a process. I’m sure OP will get her opportunity. Compassion is a cool thing.</p>
<p>Could you please reference the post or posts where Oldfort “gives advice?” You’ve said this several times, and while Oldfort has certainly stated opinions, I am not seeing this advice to which you keep referring. Could you please refer to the post # or quote all these posts where Oldfort is giving advice so that I could better understand your POV?</p>
<p>Let’s breathe. OP said: (and I am inserting what I think is the missing comma) I have to report to a class and a teacher I don’t have*,** to make sure I stay on campus.</p>
<p>I am so angry. It’s not that I have to stay- that’s what I was going to do anyways-*</p>
<p>My kids had last period freedoms. They didn’t always go off and be willful. I think OP is embarrassed at the intervention. I think my kids would have been, too. </p>
<p>This last few months, we’ve seen some striking comments from kids feeling cultural pressures. Plenty of anger. That’s what struck me, here. I still say, we have to pick our battles. This one incident will- and should- pass. The wise thing, it seems to me, with the weight of the cultural expectations on her, is to pace herself through this, position herself, somewhat as a few posters suggested. Pick her battles.</p>
<p>Perhaps ‘giving advice’ is the wrong way to phrase this. But what Oldfort has done is assume the OP has intentions other than what she originally stated. Oldfort also did not read any of the posts with additional information supporting the OP’s original statement. OF jumped straight to a conclusion based on how SHE might have behaved at that age.</p>
<p>Also, I think Oldfort does not come from a culture of arranged marriage. While her parents may have expected her to marry within her race, that is not as onerous (IMHO) as parents expecting to choose their daughter’s spouse. While I have no issue with this if a young woman prefers this in their culture, I don’t believe it should be forced on women who wish to make their own choice (or not marry at all, and still not live with their parents). Or (heck) marry another woman. The OP’s parents may not like their D’s ‘western’ preferences, but they are the ones who moved to “the West”. If they really wanted to avoid western influences, then that probably wasn’t the right thing for them to do.</p>
<p>And that’s why your advice doesn’t translate. Unless OP is prepared to have a complete break from her parents, she’ll need to pick her battles (first advice here). My parents’ marriage was arranged, so i have come a long way. Intparent - wrong assumption on your part there.</p>
<p>She may think, as many hs kids do, that she IS prepared for a complete break. Time will tell. Her first issue is to deal with the anger. I honestly don’t feel the cultural realities should let anger trump some effective planning. Anger is today. Today’s detour.</p>
<p>If she wants future independence, as cromette (I think) said, “eye on the prize.” Get to college, get the education, be self-supporting. Then, see what her options are. And her preferences. </p>
<p>I’m not ignoring the full challenges on her. She needs to be thinking forward, exploring and preparing. Not stuck on today’s outrage. That’s what I tell my kids.</p>
<p>Yes, lookingforward…I think most people here are telling the OP to deal with it quietly and calmly and not to make a big deal of it. The idea here is to graduate high school with as much of her parents’ trust intact as possible. That’s why I was curious about which advice, specifically, does not translate.</p>
<p>OP, I think you’ve already gotten some great advice about hanging on as best you can under your parents’ restrictive rules until you can escape to college.</p>
<p>I really just wanted to say how much I sympathize with your situation. I really think it is very tough when parents treat their children like they are 10 when they are nearly an adult. I had a parent just like that, not because of cultural differences, but because she went to college at 16 and was pregnant by 19. So I think she was trying to prevent what happened to her from happening to me.</p>
<p>To this day, our relationship is strained even though I understand intellectually why she did what she did. At the time of my high school years, I simply felt hatred toward her and her ridiculous (and inconsistently applied) rules. It’s very tough to see others who have all these freedoms, and you have few.</p>
<p>All that being said, college was the VERY BEST THING that ever happened to me. So just look forward to that. I never went home again after college, and if I were in your position, I’d do whatever you can to make sure you will be able to do that same. Which for me included working 15-20 hours a week throughout college . . .and arranging other places to stay in the summer. </p>
<p>Good luck to you, OP, and hang in there!! I wish things were different for you.</p>
<p>1) My mother and I had a conversation about this beforehand. I told her I’d stay and do work at school- her emailing the principal shows me how little she trusts me. She feels this distrust is justified, but I sure don’t.</p>
<p>2) I have a feeling my parents were stricter than yours were. Stunts? Ha, good one, try to pull anything on my parents and they’d ship me out of the country. Marrying someone of a different race they’d eventually have to get over, if they survive the three strokes apiece they’d get when the receive the news.</p>
<p>3) You’re acting as if all I’m complaining about is the embarrassment, when that’s the last thing I care about right now. I feel controlled and restricted. I feel like I should not be looked after as if I was still in elementry school.</p>
<p>4)
</p>
<p>Going to happen at some point anyways, since I don’t follow their religion and they won’t be able to handle that.</p>
<p>In my kids’ schools (the older ones, this doesn’t apply anymore), if the schedule had the student with lunch or study hall last period, it was expected that they would leave the building and the school didn’t have a place for them if they didn’t. It is embarrassing to the student, but it is also a logistical thing for the school because in some places it’s a population management thing designed to get people out of the building. Some kids come earlier and leave earlier, some do the opposite. So in some schools (and it seems like the OP’s school is similar), the school has to make an official arrangement for her, which means they have to be responsible for her and only her at an unusual time.</p>
<p>@zoosermom- My school does have a place for me- I can sign in at a math lab, or the library, or at a teacher’s or even go and sit at the underclassmen study hall. There are plenty of places I could be. Our school can hold up to 1.5x as many students as it currently does- all normal students come and leave (unless they have the study hall, or stay after for an EC) at the same time.</p>
<p>What would I do if I didn’t have to worry about my parents? I don’t know. Go for a walk? Go to Starbucks? Finish some work? I don’t really think about hypotheticals. My mom maybe thinks I’d go to a friends’ house.</p>
<p>So you aren’t planning to run a black market smuggling ring in counterfeit nail polish or something? Seriously, though, does your mom have a particular thing that she is worried about you doing at that time? It seems a little weird to me because couldn’t you do whatever after regular school hours or are you not allowed out and about then either?</p>
<p>Please understand that, while their cultural or religious ideals make your situation hard for you, many of us have had severe challenges from our parents. And still do. And, that goes for your peers, too, whether or not it is obvious or they don’t have the culture gap to blame it on.</p>
<p>Perhaps your mother isn’t savvy to how things work. Maybe she IS restrictive and determined to prove it. Maybe she is awful. That’s her. You need to focus on the right reactions, the right goals and how to get there. Or you risk getting mired in the anger.</p>
<p>It sounds to me as if the OP has lost her parents’ trust because she has embraced Western ways. They may have counted on her to stay true to her roots and their vision for her.</p>
<p>If this is the case, they may have the perception that this Western influence will continue to pull her from their own cultural norms. They may fear that the fact that their daughter does not have a car would be irrelevant and that she could be persuaded to leave campus with friends and perhaps also be persuaded to do other things which in their mind would not be good for her.</p>
<p>The OP has basically admitted that she has already rejected many of their values. Her mother may worry about how much further this is going to go. </p>
<p>I’m not saying the OPs parents’ actions are justified or that the OP should or should not reject her culture and some of the things which come with it. I’m just guessing what might be behind her mother’s actions.</p>
<p>LOL that made me laugh :') And no, I don’t think she does. Normally, I’m just not allowed out without my parents unless it’s school or the local grocery store.</p>
<p>@lookingforward- I know many people have challenges regarding their parents. Maybe I’m just downplaying everyone else’s problem, but I hear the things my peers complain about. And maybe because most people don’t risk being disowned for the differences between them and their parents (at least, I hope that’s not the case), I usually fail to take them seriously. This is probably a fault on my part, but it does seem that most people tend to at least have somewhat good relationships with their parents, especially when they’re older.</p>