My son introduced me to his new girlfriend when home from college. While she seems ok her family situation is bad. Let’s get real, they are trashy. Her mom is moving 5 hours away with her bf, leaving her high school daughter to be raised by her adult son, her uncle had 4 kids by the time he was 16. All her family members seem to start having kids as teens, they are all broke. My son’s gf is in college so that’s good, but Im so afraid this girl will try to trap my son. Because he is a very good catch and her whole family knows it. Im hesitant to talk to him about his gf because it might alienate him from me, he obviously likes her if he brought her over to meet me. I did tell him that I do not approve of her mom and would not want to get to know her. What I want to tell him is…run. I welcome any advice.
Your son is a young adult. He needs to make these decisions himself, in my opinion.
I hear you, it’s just he is a freshman. First real love perhaps. I want to tell him focus on school, date many girls, you know? Dont get too serious. Because in life he won’t just be tied to his future partner, but the family too.
Do not criticize the girlfriend or her family, or you will drive him straight into her arms! If you are worried about him being “trapped” have him be responsible for birth control! (If that’s what you meant).
I appreciate that! I bought him condoms before he left back for school.
One more thought: don’t pre judge the girlfriend. She could be absolutely wonderful. Also, although it is very unlikely they will be together for the long term, there’s always a chance they might be. I believe in starting as you mean to go on – in my case, starting by being very welcoming, and letting the girl know I think she’s great.
I would like to add that my D has a couple of college friends who come from pretty rough home situations and they are some of the hardest working kids I know.
Good thing you’re not marrying them.
My daughters long time bf lives two miles away.
They talk about we need to meet the parents but haven’t. I’ve dropped her off. They’ve dropped him off.
But never met til the other week.
I was out for some air. The car pulled up. I couldn’t run back in.
It was hi. It was :45 seconds. It’s weird.
I told the two kids I could invite them (the bf’s parents) to a coffee. They said no. They need to be there.
Btw you’ve not met them. You’re making assumptions - potentially true but you don’t really know.
But if as you say she’s fine - then perhaps she’s overcome a tough family situation. That says a lot.
I’ll just say this, when he turns over in the middle of the night, his girlfriend is there.
When you turn over, her mom isn’t.
It’s not something you can control so best to leave alone and be polite if ever meeting.
Good luck.
Thanks Cinnamon! I really was nice to her when I met her. But when she told me about her family over dinner, I got so tense I wanted dinner to end. Because I know families like hers, maybe not the same family, but similar enough. Families with unnecessary drama, blaming others for their problems, don’t care about education, half ass parenting… Well, I will heed the advice here, I know it’s good advice.
So true. Wise words.
I hope you, D and bf go out soon, maybe outdoor music or somewhere with the sky overhead with good vibes to break the ice!
Sorry I added - the parents. I haven’t met them.
The BF half lives here in summer and during breaks. At his house they can’t share a bed. So they stay here.
As I tell them I’m sure their folks aren’t dumb. They travel together. They know.
Realized what I wrote sounded like I haven’t met the boy. I’ve met him too often. He’s always rummaging in the pantry. Annoys me 
I hear that. When I say I know families like them, I don’t mean poor. I grew up poor, but with solid values of honesty and hard work. Then there the families that just can’t get it together due to straight up character deficits and sometimes addictions.
Now it makes sense!
Haha, boys have to eat like every 2 hours or they disappear😀
I got what you meant and when I say rough, trust me, it was not the parents that instilled work ethic in them. College is their get out ticket and they are not going to let that chance pass by.
Thanks for clarifying Tony, because I am so grateful for the comments I’ve received. And I’m tired of stressing and scared to alienate my kid, I only have one. I think I’ll just be really nice and hope for the best, my son saw me work hard to provide for him, I hope he uses the common sense I instilled in him as I continued his journey into adulthood!
I mean as he continues his journey
Hah - my brother’s wife comes from a family that is every possible stereotype of trash. My parents had to work hard to keep their feelings to themselves. My brother has been married to her for almost 35 years - he started dating her when he was still in college, and I think she was probably part of the reason he dropped out (but not the only reason). It’s a very good thing that my parents kept their mouths shut, because they might not have been as involved in the grandkids’ lives if they hadn’t. We spent many birthdays celebrating with my SIL’s family. Sometimes you just have to keep your thoughts to yourself.
Hey, you know what? Maybe SHE is a catch too. Maybe she is such a catch she beat the odds to get where she is at college.
Also be careful there encouraging your son to “date lots of girls” - HE may end up with the bad reputation. 
Put your energy into continuing to build the relationship with your son - maybe including the new girlfriend. Maybe learn what he likes about her. Give her a reason to enjoy you as well. Good reputations are built on more than what you see on the surface.
Not an easy situation, but think about ways to bring her into your family; invite her for dinner, build a relationship with her and definitely don’t speak ill of her or her family to your son.
This relationship may run its course eventually, but the important thing is to keep your relationship with your son and know that you are going to support him.