Hi, i’m a college student, and I started staying on campus in the Fall of 2024 . My experience was fun. I was very open with meeting people. I made friends. I would go out to places and hang out and things like that, but I have always been big on doing my best in school and focusing on why I am here. But since we came back from christmas break, my room just feels like a prison. I think I have reached my limit with dorm living. I am a bit older than most who do stay inside of the dorms, so I do tend to hear loud noises and things like that while I’m in a room, that I really don’t like being inside of. My dorm room just makes me feel trapped and alone. There isn’t much to do or anywhere to really go 24/7. I deal with really bad anxiety, and it makes it hard for me to even wanna be around anyone because I just really wanna be home. I do go home on the weekends just because I tend to cry and break down just sitting in my room, not around my family, but around a bunch of people who lives filthy and who isn’t mindful of other people’s living spaces. I would look forward to going to class, so I could be out of my room. I as working when school started, but it was a temp job - and now I may not have anything to do after my classes, but sit in that room or have to sit somewhere on campus until they close the building down. I have random crying outbursts because I am just so uncomfortable and so ready to just be out of these dorms. I don’t have my license, so I can’t take myself to school, even if I had wanted to. I’ve been dealing with this for about 2-3 weeks now. Sometimes I may even get sad in class, from the thought of just having to go back to my room. Rather than to have something to take my mind off of how much longer I have to be here. I wanna finish school, but I don’t wanna have to force myself to go through something that I have learned after giving dorm life a feel, it just isn’t something for someone like me. Is it bad that I dread dorms now, and that I wanna go home and finish school where I have to do commute, I did try and I did give people a chance to get to know me and to enjoy myself, but is it really so bad to know that something isn’t right for you and that you just wanna change your environment completely.
Well you are probably on the hook for the cost of room and board this semester. Have you tried talking to your roommate/roommates? Maybe try to switch (which would mean you’d move in with someone else, so still a risk). If you don’t drive, how will you get to classes? Have you joined anything? My kids loved their roommates but preferred to get work done in study rooms or the library.
Can you talk to the accommodations department to see if they can move you to a single or more apartment style dorm so you have your own space due to your anxiety issues? Mental health is very important to your overall wellbeing, and you should look to get the support you need. And of course, talk to your parents about this as well. Maybe they have recommendations as well.
I don’t have a roommate, and I am happy about that, because even though I do have friends here, I be so overwhelmed that I just go straight to my room after class and working. I don’t like my dorms also because of how much trash they can leave in the hall. Hair and things like that makes me nauseous. Along with feeling stressed out, miserable, and overwhelmed, I have a lack of appetite, and I only eat like once or twice a week. Something small. I just ate an actual meal today, after awhile of not eating real food. I feel like I’m forced to be here and honestly I don’t want to be. I have it a shot and it was fun while it lasted, but everything just isn’t going to be for everybody. I do deal with OCD along with my anxiety, so I don’t like being so close to people who can mess up my space with their trash. My college has clubs but they don’t really do things in these clubs, so it doesn’t really help to do something, since they are mainly meeting up during weekdays, early in the day, or in between classes, so I still will have a bunch of unwanted free-time.
What changed after Christmas break? You said you were happy before. You had a job and joined activities. Have you and your roommate had a disagreement? Is there an issue with a partner? Is someone at home undergoing some crisis? Is there some information we are missing, so that we have more context? Can you get a job again, to keep busy? Can you pickup with the people you met before Christmas?
Meanwhile, I strongly advise that you make an appointment with the campus counseling center. It might help, and can’t hurt.
What in particular makes your room unpleasant? Is it something to do with darkness at this time of year? Is your roommate messy? Is the dorm noisy? Have you talked to the RA in your dorm and asked for suggestions on how to feel better in your dorm?
Are you just homesick? No problem if so, but be aware that you may find you are very bored if you move back home and commute. I am struggling to understand the cause of your unhappiness, apart from homesickness or some specific issue about your dorm room. I think it might be beneficial to think of how you can improve where you are now, rather than trying to escape. Next school year, maybe you can move off campus, or get a better roommate.
I get the sense that you aren’t thinking beyond “I want to leave.” Try thinking about how to make your situation better.
Yeah, I plan on reaching out to my mom about it because it is affecting my mental health really badly. And sadly no, I go to a community college, so they only have one place for residency, no other places that are a bit more secluded or just your own separate space overall. I just don’t wanna feel bad for not fitting in here as much as I did before just because I became more aware of things that just will affect me overall. Everyone just keeps telling me to try and stay, but I’ve already experienced it. I just wanna be around my family, while I continue being in school until I graduate.
I do feel homesick, but I feel uncomfortable too. I’ve already been here for one semester, and I feel like that should suffice enough. They do have a counseling thing, but it’s only online, and we only get three free usage, But after that, we have to pay for our next appointments if we continue. I know that my mental health is important and if I keep going down this road, i’ll lose the want to finish school. That’s why I am looking for an escape. I do feel like the weather has played a big part in this as well, but being around my family has always brought some sort of comfort to me. I don’t have to worry about my space being ruined by anyone, I don’t have to worry about their mess being anywhere near me. And it’s my family, I was very independent when I first got here, and I still am. I just don’t like my environment and I just wish to finish school off-campus. I don’t know exactly what had changed, I did have an overwhelming amount of schoolwork for one class, and I did start out this semester working, unlike the first, so I did have a hard time figuring out how I was gonna manage all of it. But working, helped me to stay out of my dorms for a good while, rather than my classes, since one of them ends in the morning and I am literally free for the rest of the day. I just don’t really see a reason to be here, if it’s not for class.
Since you seem to have extra time on your hands can you begin the process of getting your driver’s license? Is there a driver’s Ed requirement where you live? Could the actual goal and process of getting your license in the next couple of months give you an outlet, a sense of optimism and help you feel you are in better control of your life even if you have to be in the dorm for just this semester? Is there a car you could use? Is buying a used car an option? Sometimes it’s easier to tolerate a hard situation when you know you are taking the concrete steps to solve the problem long-term. Unless you plan to live in a large city with great public transportation, learning to drive is almost an inescapable reality for most adults in the US.
How far is your home from the community college? Until you get your license Is there any way a family member could take you to campus in the morning and bring you home in the evening (might mean spending most time in a library or student center during the day) . I’m assuming there’s no public transportation to/from your home or you would have already explored that option.
Sadly, I do not have my license, and yes I am going to try and start learning during the summer. Transportation is somewhat of an issue, since I would have to rely on my mom or someone else to take me to and from school. Even though this may be the case, I would rather this than force myself to be somewhere, where I am unhappy most of the time. I struggle to even get up half the time, and just wanna sleep so the days can go by somewhat faster and I’m close to the semester being over. I’ve been trying to stay optimistic about everything, but I’m mainly sad and yearning for family connection, than happy and okay for a majority of the day. Even seeing my mom, makes me sad, because eventually I am gonna have to come back somewhere I don’t wanna be, by force. And i guess, in a sense, it makes me sad too because I feel like my mom really doesn’t want me around or care about how much my mental health is really being affected by all of this. My home isn’t really too far from my school, and I believe my mom has to drive past where my school is anyway, on her way to work. Sadly, I won’t be able to start learning driving now, since the driving school is out of town, and not in my town or city, necessarily speaking.
Driving schools come to your house and pick you up, did you take the written exam? Would your mom drop you off in the morning and pick you up after work? Have you asked if you can get out of your housing contract? Can you look into finding a therapist not through the school? My son drives but meets with his online.
OP- sending you a hug.
You have a LOT to unpack in your posts- but one thing I want to suggest is to take advantage of another counseling session and systematically let the health professional know all the issues you are dealing with. All of them. I think taken together it gives a very different picture than just “I don’t want to be in the dorm”. Anxiety, OCD- these are things that are going to follow you around no matter where you are living and no matter how tidy and hygienic your personal space is. Getting a handle on your mental health now is really going to help you down the road. No matter what career you end up in, no matter what your living situation becomes, you will undoubtedly have to deal with noise and disorder at some point.
Agree with the suggestion to find another job. Anything. If you have too much time on your hands, that problem is easily solved- get yourself scheduled for more things!
I hope your parents understand how awful you are feeling right now and can help you get professional guidance. There are things- meds, different types of therapy, even having your thyroid checked to make sure you’re body is healthy-- that can really make a difference.
Thinking of you…
Is that a reason not to do it?
One semester is enough for what?
If you want to move home, do so. If you leave now you will forfeit what your parents have paid for your dorm. Have you talked to your parents about moving home? I dont see the downside, but I still feel that you should get a job at least. It will help you keep busy and hopefully meet people.
I will have to see what my mom says, it’s all up to what she is willing to do. Although, I hope that it will be to accommodate to my personal needs, being that staying here isn’t helping me to focus as best as I can on school in itself. I do have my permit, I have taken the written exam, I just have to get more driving experience, so that I can be able to take myself to school, all on my own. Overall, I just wish to be home. I want to be home for next year too as well, especially since I will mainly have online classes, and only a few in-person classes.
My parents didn’t have to pay for me to stay here. My grant paid for my dorm cost and tuition and all of that. I started college on my own accord. I excelled last semester with all A’s. I just don’t wanna stay in a dorm. I never wanted to quit on working towards my degree. I just want to finish in, in a different way than I had started. I haven’t thought about counseling because what would really be the use, if I no longer have a job, and I will have to pay after seeing them, and it could be expensive, to where I can barely afford it. Going home, just seems like an easier option. I don’t wanna keep crying everyday, and having heart palpitations, feeling faint, and miserable. My health will always top school. School will always be here.
Thank you and I do appreciate the sentiment. It’s not that I can’t handle these triggers throughout my life. But when it comes to where I have to stay, and sleep, it will make me dread the idea of going back to even where all of my things are. I do very well with socializing overall, and making friends. But I just like my space to only be my space. And not being near my family, is taking a big toll. I do wanna finish school, I just wanna be able to be around my family too.
Counseling IS about your health. All of it. The need/desire to sleep all the time; not being interested in making friends; wondering what’s the point of college if you can just take classes online. If you have health insurance via your parents, do you know what health services that policy covers? You can be seen by a provider who bills on a sliding scale. You could be getting some interventions provided by your primary care physician or provider.
But you won’t know unless you find out. I would encourage you to stop the spiraling thoughts of “I just want to go home and then everything will be fixed” and get some professional help. Because what happens when you DO go home, and nothing changes except for sleeping in your own bed at night? You lose the energy to do your homework and then what?
Hugs. This is hard, for sure. But you are not the first student who has felt like this, and working with a professional who has helped students just like you can turn things around.
It sounds like, whatever her reasons (for your sake and/or hers) your mother wants you to be more independent. It seems to me that being able to drive yourself places is something that your mother would want (whether or not you end up living in the dorm, an apartment or at home ). I would think your mother would be very willing to try to carve out time (whether in the evenings or during the weekend) to help you get your driving practice and license asap, without waiting until summer. Could that be part of your conversation with her? Being able to drive could also open up more job opportunities for you to earn money and get valuable work experiences that will open doors later.
I also agree with all the advice to go to the counseling session…this is not something you should face on your own. Sometimes our thoughts get so tied in knots we can’t see the way out of problems clearly.
I focused here in the driving situation because it could help solve a specific set of problems (being and feeling physically stuck and isolated on campus) but also, when a person successfully solves one tangible issue, it often no longer seems such an impossible mountain to solve other problems you face. Life begins to feel doable and you gain confidence to take things one step at a time. If you could drive (assuming you could also get access to a car) you could sometimes go home during the week for an afternoon study session or a meal with your family even if you slept in the dorm most nights. Or you could work off-campus or see a friend who is not in college.
I hope you are giving yourself credit every day for the good work you did academically and socially last semester! This phase in your life WILL pass. You can find ways to feel more in control of your life, and to feel more tolerant of the things you can’t control.
Is there a recreation or exercise center at your community college? For many of us, having a good exercise routine can make a big difference with overall health and mental health.
I could ask her about this too and see what she says. I’ve tried therapy, it didn’t really do much, it was nice to feel understood and I don’t mind the idea of going, but it’s just the idea that others make me feel like i’m giving up and didn’t give dorm living a shot - even though I did, and I’mstill willing to attend school, I just don’t wanna live AT school.
One of the many things that therapy can teach you is how to embrace “running your own race”. It doesn’t come easily to many people, but it is a powerful tool. You do you.