<p>Suppose you have two twins (fraternal, boy and girl):
-One gets good grades in high school, goes to ivy league (Cornell), gets good GPA in college, and gets into a top research program for the summer</p>
<p>-the other gets depressed easily, has to get counseling in high school, has a speech impairment (but not dumb- has 98th percentile on SATs), goes to local college, continues to get crabby grades, has nothing to do in summer but rot in the house.</p>
<p>What would you think about your two children?</p>
<p>Yes they are twins but they are individuals, they are my childern and no matter what one does I will not always expect it from my other childern. Everyone is different, I’m not going to judge one for not doing as much as my other child, I will support them both equally because they are equally both my childern.</p>
<p>And I really hope that parents of twins, think this way. Because if they dont…maybe they shouldnt be parents.</p>
<p>My love or my attention IS NOT A COMPETITION!</p>
<p>I have fraternal twin girls and I hated it when teachers tried to compare them. They have different strengths and some they share, but they are two different human beings born on the same day…a mantra I repeated many times over the years.
Most parents don’t compare that way but if they do with twins they would of done it with children born a year or more apart. Know you are special on your own and try to not let outside influences guide you…find yourself, get good counseling you know you are special ALONE.</p>
<p>Agree with weenie. It takes a very long time to raise a child and over the years the child will come to realize, if the parents have done their job well, his/her strenghs, abilities and self worth. I know so many families in which one child is brillant, another not and no one is loved less.It takes a long time to create an adult and there comes a time when the child must take the reigns of his own destiny and be responsible for his own actions.</p>
<p>weenie, I had the same first impression: the girl is the one at Cornell. Clearly, both twins are brilliant, but one of them is an early bloomer and the other is not. I don’t have twins, but I do have two boys, separated in age by almost 6 years, who are very different. The older boy is brilliant but does not have his act together. </p>
<p>X C Fair, I assume that you are the student in question who plans to “rot in the house?” You must fight the depression. My advice is, first, not to rot in the house this summer. I would find something interesting and useful to do, whether it is volunteering for a charity or working for pay (in either case, preferably in a physically active, outdoor role). Second, you must find a therapist. Try several, if necessary, until you find one with whom you feel a rapport.</p>
<p>I would love both of my kids equally, and would be looking for more help for my depressed teen. I would be finding a way to get that child into therapy with a licensed psychologist or social worker experienced with working with depressed teens. I also would be exploring whether medication would help.</p>
<p>In addition, I would have my teen have a thorough physical to rule out medical reasons for the depression. </p>
<p>After a lifetime of battling depression, including through therapy, I got on medication a couple of years ago while continuing in therapy. The medication changed my life. </p>
<p>In the situation you described, I also would be doing what I could to help my late bloomer discover their strengths and talents, and connect with at least one college organization that matched their interests; and do something over the summer --volunteer work or a job, any job – that would help them continue to learn about their skills, interests and the world. It would not be acceptable to me for that child to sit at home and “rot.” If they couldn’t find a job, then I would help them find some place where they could volunteer.</p>
<p>I’d also be checking to find additional help for their speech impairment.</p>
<p>While you asked what parents would do, I will point out that you can do lots of these things for yourself. This includes using your college’s counseling center and using your family’s insurance to get a medical evaluation. You also can use your family’s insurance to get an evaluation by a psychiatrist if your counseling center doesn’t offer that. A psychiatrist is the best person to assess you and follow you for medication for your depression.</p>
<p>You also can use your college’s career center to get job and volunteer opportunities for the summer.</p>
<p>I did, I couldn’t find any job at all. It’s probably because whenever someone hears me talk (interview or phone call) they probably think I’m mentally ■■■■■■■■. I slur my words together even when I try to slow down.</p>
<p>It’s just that sometimes I feel like my parents are really disappointed in me when they keep telling me about how great my sister is doing and going on and on about her.</p>
<p>Have you talked to your parents about how it makes you feel when they keep talking about your sister’s successes? Have you asked them why they are telling you so much about your sister? Maybe they simply think you’re interested or maybe they’re doing it in a misguided attempt to inspire you.</p>
<p>It is possible , though harder than normal, to get a job despite having a speech impediment.</p>
<p>Go to your school’s career center and get advice.
Also, your best job chances particularly for a first job probably are through connects with friends, acquaintances and professors or connects through your college’s career office. It also would help if you did some volunteer work. That would help you get some references. Since you have such high scores, I imagine that you have scores higher than most of the college’s students, so that would be a plus when you talk to the career center. You probably have the skills to do some jobs that most of their students don’t have the skills to do.</p>
<p>Since you know that people misinterpert your speech impediment, you need to be proactive by providing prospective employers with information that shows that you are intelligent. This could include copies of your SAT information. It also could include including your SAT scores on your resume, and directly telling employers that your speech difficulties do not reflect your intelligence. Give them clear examples that demonstrate your intelligence. Also include a professor as one of your references. Take the time to get to know at least one professor. One doesn’t have to be a star student to get a good reference from a professor.</p>
<p>I know people who are proactive like this and get decent jobs,including promotions despite having, for instance, accents that make it extremely difficult to understand what they are saying. </p>
<p>From your SAT scores, I also assume that you are good with numbers. Look for jobs and volunteer work that play to your strengths particularly in terms of things like math, something that often organizations need help with, but have relatively few people who have those kind of strengths.</p>
<p>I would think that life isn’t fair, first of all. I would wonder if I’d done enough to help the less successful twin overcome the speech impediment and the impact it has had on his self esteem. I would encourage him to find one thing he is very good at and develop the heck out of it, either something academic or a hobby-activity. I would look for some kind of summer experience that would help him break out of the self-defeating mold he has found himself in — an academic experience, a volunteer-public service experience, even a pure travel experience. You’ve got the aptitude for something great, but you have to find it and work for it. This may sound silly, but have you considered volunteering/working with animals? They don’t care how your speech sounds.</p>
<p>Jazzymom’s idea about working with animals is a good one. My local animal shelter and no kill shelter both are desperate for volunteers. The volunteers walk animals, even do foster care with the animals. Depending on where you live, there may even be ways to volunteer helping to prepare animals for various types of service – such as to people who are deaf, blind or have other disabilities.</p>
<p>The people who work in such places are very welcoming to all kinds of volunteers. People, too, who love animals tend to be open hearted toward all sorts of human beings. I imagine that you’d find some good friends there, and also would be very appreciated by the people with whom you work. You also may find some careers that would interest you, and you’d get references and experiences that could help you get paid jobs.</p>
<p>I also encourage you to follow up on my suggestions about therapy and being assessed for physical problems leading to your depression, and for whether medication might be of assistance to you. Typically, the best way to treat depression is through a combination of therapy and medication.</p>
<p>One last thing: Take up a physical hobby. This could be something like working out regularly at your school gym. Regular exercise boosts one’s endorphins and elevates one’s mood. It also helps with confidence and self esteem.</p>
<p>Re: the speech issue. If you go to a university with a speech pathology program, you can likely receive speech therapy at no cost. Yes, it will be student clinicians, but these clinicians are well supervised by the clinical faculty, and these students are also IN school…and are often learning to use the latest techniques. A highly motivated student, wanting to improve their speech skills would be a huge asset to any student clinician. </p>
<p>Re: “rotting in the house”. I think there must be something you can do besides “rot in the house”. I would love you for who you are, but I would also encourage you to find something productive to do in the summer…whether it was a volunteer/community service activity (Habitat, working in a soup kitchen, whatever) or a job of some sort. Not every summer job requires talking.</p>
<p>X.C.: As the “less successful one” of a pair of fraternal twins, I hear you. </p>
<p>This is the time of life when you need to start seeing yourself more as an individual and less as “one of the twins,” or your parents’ child. </p>
<p>Stop comparing yourself to your twin and do what you can for yourself. And if you hear your parents comparing you, you need to ask them once politely to stop. And then ignore it, let it roll off your back, if they continue. </p>
<p>By all means, don’t rot in the house. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. You ARE successful–you’re bright, you’re in college, you’re passing, right? I’m sure you can get a job, any job. My kid worked in fast food and a warehouse.
And he’s probably going back to those jobs this summer. Keep trying. And if you need counseling or medication, don’t be afraid to get the help you need.
(I wonder if medication might help with the speech problem?)</p>
<p>I’ve had a speech impairment my entire life (cerbral pasy, i.e., massive brain damage before or maybe at birth), so I know what you’re talking about. People so often thought I was literally ■■■■■■■■ when I’m actually quite smart (or so thy say). It’s frustrating because they aren’t judging what you know, they’re judging your voice. I rarely have that problem now, though, perhaps because I have built up a long resume of achievements to PROVE that I’m smart. When you can hold a discussion about, say, Japanese grammar, Arabic culture, DNA division, politics, abnormal psychology, European history, etc., people will see you’re smart because you seem smart by WHAT you’re saying, not HOW you’re saying it. Bring in a paper resume, rec. letters, etc., and give them to your interviewer beforehand so that thety start off with pre-formed positive opinion of you. Also, this may not apply for you, but I’ve found looking people in the eye helps because thy tend to subconsciously read my lips.</p>
<p>Speech therapy: Had it until about 7th grade or sop and HATED every minute of it. It was demeaning; it didn;'t matter what I had to say; it only mattered HOW I said it. I wasn’t allowed to converse, to actually talk, just to be perpetually interrrupted by some arrogant person. I do think it helped a bit when I was in elementry school, but by the time I reached middle school, it just took away time I wanted to spend studying, with friends, or on ECs, and people could understand me well enough by then away. I think speech therapy only helps most people to certain plateau and then becomes redundant and useless (You can tell I’m not a big fan of sppech pathologists, can’t you? ) </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>BTW, what is it with CCers thinking everything can be solved with meds? In many situations, they can be helpful sure, but not everyone needs meds for everything.</p>
<p>I find myself wondering if one twin has undiagnosed cerebral palsy–because of the speech impairment combined with the twin status. My BIL has CP, and has had enormous difficulty finding jobs because he always sounds drunk. </p>
<p>I am with those people who suggest volunteering for the summer, or going to summer school, rather than rotting at home.</p>
<p>“BTW, what is it with CCers thinking everything can be solved with meds? In many situations, they can be helpful sure, but not everyone needs meds for everything.”</p>
<p>I don’t think that anyone has said that the poster’s depression can definitely be solved with meds. However, research on depression has indicated that the most effective treatment for depression is medication combined with psychotherapy.</p>
<p>Exploring such options seems more productive than continuing to feel depressed and spending the summers “rotting” at home.</p>
<p>Wolfpiper…sorry your experience was not a positive one. I AM a speech pathologist, and I can tell you that now the emphasis is on how the person USES their speech not just saying every little sound perfectly. Especially with older, motivated adults and young adults, they can learn to maximize the use of the positives they have when communicating instead of just working on the negatives. Times have changed. I still urge this OP to seek out help at his university clinic…it’s worth a try. He should lay out HIS goals and the clinician should work with him to meet those goals. That is how you work with the “older” person who continues to need speech therapy services.</p>
<p>One more suggestion. In almost every job interview, you’re asked what you perceive as your weaknesses or what else you would like the employer to know about you before the decision is made. Say right up front that you have a speech impediment and are aware that it sometimes gives people the wrong impression–they think you are using drugs because your speech is slightly slurred or are less intelligent than you really are, etc. Do NOT whine. Just say it as a fact.</p>
<p>Go check out John Chambers bio, CEO of CISCO, he had a speech problem but overcame through speech therapy.At one point he was the most successful CEO in Silicon Valley.
My brother was a late bloomer, went to community college, got fired at his first job, etc. for a while my mother was not sure what would happen to him. He is now richer than the doctor in the family or a lot more well off than any of his siblings who all went to well known college. Just go to show successful in academics is just that, not a good predictor of anything.</p>
<p>X.C. Fair,
I am parent who does have fraternal twins. They do NOT have the same abilities. I have tried very hard to emphasize to them that they each have their own strengths, even if one’s strengths are academic and the other one’s strengths are non-academic. I have occasionally found myself comparing them to each other. As a parent, I realize that this is a big mistake and occasionally one of them has pointed this out to me. As parents, we do make mistakes, and I am glad that my twins have told me not to compare them because they are right! Your parents may need a “wake-up call” from you, just as I did from my kids. You can get a job this summer. It doesn’t have to be a high-powered research job. I agree that you should try to speak to potential employers in person rather than on the phone, when you can more easily explain your speech impediment while they are looking at a resume telling them how bright you are.</p>
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