The weather doesn’t get me down, though it’s very possible (maybe even probable) the shorter days do coincide for many of you. I always liked the season of bare trees, how you can see more and further.
I do feel the need to point out that we don’t really have an established vocabulary for the feelings many have, that we’re now discussing. It’s one of the first threads on this topic, among us adults, AND I’d guess many of us aren’t usually so revealing with RL friends.
So I don’t mind if someone inadvertently chooses a word or phrase that, on the surface, seems harsh. I don’t necessarily take it as judgmental or somehow inhospitable. (And that helps me, too.)
I buy things to cheer myself up. Of course, this is a VERY temporary solution, and I don’t recommend it. I agree with having something to look forward to, and to try to focus on something good in your life. Sometimes I have to remind myself to look around at the trees and beauty that there is instead of “head down, forge ahead”. Animals help a lot, too.
Another thing that helps- sometimes you have to be brave and willing to change something that is really getting you down. I’ve been around people who complain about a person or situation for YEARS and really let it get to them but they aren’t willing to change their OWN reaction or simply stop engaging with the person or situation. It can be tough to make the necessary change, but it can be a good thing. There might need to be a change in a social group or even a church!
I have not posted in a while but this thread drew me in. I am 56. Recently, my 53-year-old co-worker was having a bad workday so she said, “do you know we have lived 2/3rds of our lives and only have 1/3 to go. I don’t want to do this anymore for the remainder of my life”.
I have been thinking a lot about this lately. My daughters are done with college and have left the nest. Hubby and I are in a good place finally enjoying time together and I like my job. Despite this I am uneasy. First off, my field and workplace have fallen in love with young people. Don’t get me wrong, I like the people on my team. We go out and socialize and I think it is great that they are getting opportunities. However, for me and my older colleagues, the message is → this is as far as you can go. So what can I do? I have worked since I was 15 and I expect to work way into my mid-60’s. If this ends early, what else can I do for $ and satisfaction?
I developed RA in my mid 30’s. My Rheumatologist said it came on so strong and severe that I would be wheelchair-bound by 40. It was devastating. I spent two years trying many different drugs that did not work. I was frequently sick and gained 25 pounds from the steroids that eased the pain. Then, I found the injectable drugs that were helping with autoimmune diseases. I was able to return to a “normal” life. But, this left me thinking to live in the now as I don’t know if and when the disease will take its stronghold again. I still have bad days here and there.
As such, we are not looking to retire to travel. Due to my RA, we decided to do all that while we were young and my jobs have allowed me to travel to places I didn’t even think about many years ago. We still have places left on our bucket list to explore, but we will probably want to settle in a place where there is some city vibe and a nearby beach. We would like to stay busy working part-time doing something interesting, to be defined. We have been thinking about Charleston or even another country where our $ will go further and we can be part of the community. Portugal comes to mind. We will visit this spring.
Finally, my mother has dementia. In the past 18 months, it has developed quickly and I am scared for her. I feel the loss for all the things I planned to do with her at this time in her life. Managing care for her has been exhausting and I worry about her future care and then I go into the rabbit hole. I worry about myself, what if I get it? What if my kids get it? etc.
There is so much to think about. I am reading some of the other posts as well and find it comforting that I am not the only one thinking about all this.
I lurk on the Bag A Day thread. Last year I began purging an accumulation of unnecessary stuff, starting with paperwork. There was a lot of it. I’m not done yet. The process itself is therapeutic, a life review of sorts. Long forgotten, mostly meaningless, things were documented and tucked away for headscratching reasons alongside a few precious gems. I have been amused and annoyed with myself throughout, because the process has revealed I couldn’t tell the difference between the two while in the thick of it. Hopefully, I’ll hang onto that insight going forward, wasting less time and space on the meaningless.
@lia_b — your post hits home for me about work. I am 54 and keep watching younger and younger people move past me at work. I resigned myself that I will just stay in this role until I retire in 10 years. I absolutely love my boss and enjoy most of the members on my team. My job is stressful but the days fly. So after being passed up for 2 promotions last year- that went to much younger and less experienced people… I am getting some pressure from above to apply again. I honestly don’t know if I can put myself thru this again. The interviews are grueling. I have to decide this week. I think the majority of my uneasiness comes from my job.
ON the home front-- things are good. My husband and I are having more fun than we have had in years. We have trips planned and spend a good bit if time together doing things we both enjoy. I’m trying to enjoy the little things and not let my uneasiness get in the way
@taverngirl , I was going through a bit of the identity crisis/doom days last fall as my kids were leaving the nest. Two simple things that have helped are 1) volunteering, just a simple gig at a pet shelter, but it really does help to go somewhere new and focus on something else, giving makes me feel good and 2) regular exercise, preferably outdoors in these dark months- I notice when I am NOT doing that (like now with the holidays) I start to get more gloomy. I’m going to tackle big things now too as we get back into routines, but these small daily/weekly changes did help make me feel better about my “what now?” gloom. They didn’t answer the question, but I don’t feel down about it any more.
wannabee35, My experience has been that if you don’t apply then they use that to say that you have no interest. It is difficult. I was offered a transfer promotion when I was working at another company four years ago. I couldn’t move at the time as my daughter was graduating high school that June. I offered to move after she was settled in college and was willing to sacrifice living away from my husband. It was not good enough. They hired a younger girl who got married, had a baby and now is completely unhappy. I feel bad for her. She has so much stress to manage time and travel involved. I could have easily picked up that work. I am in a better place now but always wary.
On the marriage side, I think now that all the family stuff is behind us and we are supposedly more mature, we can actually enjoy ourselves more. It is a pleasant surprise. I am happy that job transfer didn’t work out. Though at the time I was furious. Enjoy this time. It is such a gift.
We had a gathering last night for my brothers & extended family from my late mom’s side. While I really enjoyed the evening, I had a pit in my stomach after everyone left & my H fell asleep. My parents & two of my four brothers have passed away. My mom’s only sibling has passed away . In the quiet of the party aftermath, the losses hit me hard. I am learning to reflect, experience & pray … then keep moving forward. After feeling sad, I was able to be thankful for the time I spent last night with my H, kids, brothers, SIL, nieces, nephew, cousins, aunt … focusing on what I have, rather than what I have lost.
Seeing my dad’s sudden decline has made me feel uneasier about my future. How could such a vital, strong man go downhill so quickly?!? And he is a tough, competitive guy who has exercised and lost weight when he needed to. It doesn’t seem fair.
I really appreciate this thread, and other similar ones that have appeared in the parent cafe. Lots of thoughtful, honest and kind posts. I haven’t posted in so long that I had forgotten all my identifiers (screen name, which e-mail, password) and had to start over - now, having straightened that out, I need to get out of cyberspace for awhile, but may add my two cents later. Thanks to everyone, I really found it helpful to read all this.
I saw this thread around the time it started and it took me a little while to get through it. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you all sharing your experiences in such a thoughtful way. It was helpful to read your stories as I have had similar feelings lately. It was a difficult fall for me after taking my S19 to start his freshman year. I really miss having him around and have also had a lot of questions/anxiety about my career (I’m in a helping profession and am burned out in a way but can’t make a lot of changes right now). I have been trying to go easy on myself and just accept that I needed a little time to grieve/adjust before I take on some new challenges. Thanks again for being so open.
I am officially an empty nester this week, my youngest moved in summer and my oldest moved 2 days ago. Tough week for me., emotionally. Both are in cities 7+ hours away.
I had sublet my own house to my son and his roommate for 18 months - their house flooded and I wanted to travel (I work online, am location independent for the most part). I came home occasionally, but was mostly on the road, abroad, all over. Incredible time of growth and adventure, also lonely and challenging sometimes.
Now that I’ve been back home for about 3 months, I find I’m depressed being here, definitely without the kids. I came back for holidays and to help S move, and that’s now done. I gave it a shot, being back, but no, it’s not what i want.
So I am selling just about everything, giving up my house, and going back out there.
@OHMomof2 seconding doschicos admiration! I would be very happy to perpetually travel. H says I’m happiest when I’m either planning a trip or actually on one.
I thought of y’all at yesterday’s five-hour lunch (don’t judge) with a friend. She’s not one of my closest friends, but we get together for lunch once or twice a year. I was so surprised when she cried – we’re not the kind of friends who cry on each other. What we are feeling is so widespread, and why shouldn’t it be? I think most of us are in the same boat with launching kids and ailing parents, if they are still around at all. That’s what made her cry; she feels guilty that she wasn’t always as patient with her mom in her final months as she could have been. Add to that retirement worries and it’s a lot. Any single thing is doable, but all of it added together strains the bandwidth.
(((Hugs))) to you all. We used to give more (((hugs))) on cc.
“…and going back out there.” I agree with the rush of being somewhat footloose and fancy free. It’s different than pure vacation travel, to me. No obligation to tour this or that, or you’ve wasted time. No top ten lists of must-sees. For me, more about adapting and making the first connections, chatting up strangers.
You go, girl! Depending on where, it’s an attractive idea to think some could meet you.
@OHMomof2 I loved hearing through the last months of you at new locations - perhaps one location you land will feel like the place for a new start. I admire your drive to explore.
