I heard this on a podcast today re: self worth.
“It’s not who you are (career for instance - your label), it’s what you offer”
I liked that especially in reference to retirement. It’s important to me to always be able to “offer” - whether that is friendship, advice, humor, an ear, a skill or an attitude.
I was a little shaken up a few months ago.
I had bumped into someone I went to HS with and we chatted for a bit. Mostly it was her asking me if I kept up with == ticked off a bunch of names ==.
It was pretty much, no, no, no, I don’t keep in touch with most of the old crowd. I’m not on FB so the easy ways of keeping in touch are not readily available to me and besides, I am attached to my turtle shell.
Anyways, she told me about someone’s IG and someone else’s blog and how I HAD to check it out. Well, okay, sure. After all, these were my besties in HS.
So, one day I did just that. Hoo boy, not a good idea. You know how they say comparison is the death of joy? I could not believe how much “better” their lives are than mine. Uh, financially, if appearances are not deceiving. Holy. moly.
Seems the men these old friends married are the high earners, and it just sorta kinda rubbed salt in my old “regret” wounds about me marrying and having children with my husband.
It took some time before my equilibrium was restored and I was able to shake off the bad, completely unhelpful feelings.
But it did make me feel like the last decades can be fraught with sand pits. The narratives we knit about ourselves can gain outsized importance — especially when looking back at the arc of our lives & trying to discern some meaning.
Be here now!
I love your story of going back to school and how much you are enjoying your job.
I cannot imagine having the drive or patience, and I’m in my mid-50s!
I’m happy to be “here, now.” I got a wakeup call about 2 decades ago, when I was diagnosed with a chronic progressive medical condition and both of my young children were diagnosed with chronic medical conditions for which treatment is still mostly comfort care & nothing to “cure.” Our “here and now” is better than it could be but of course we would dearly love NOT to have chronic health conditions.
Your “friend” did not do you any favors by telling you to go and look up people who are living the lifestyles of the rich & famous, but perhaps s/he likes watching that and thinks everyone does.
Here’s to being as happy as we can with the here and now and trying to live our best lives. 
My friend just shared with me that her H was “asked” to take a mental health break from work. It seems his job is stressful, it’s changing in a way with which he is not comfortable, and he sort of lost it at work. She said he changed in a very positive way while he was off … she said he was so much nicer to be around. Even though he could retire, he went back to work recently, because his mind is set on sticking it out until he is the magic age of 62. She said they can handle it financially if he retires now, but he is stubbornly committed to putting himself through stress for another 20 months. I stepped away from a toxic job earlier than I had intended, and hearing his story really helped my current unease … I realized what a great move I made for myself. Then a friend posted something on FB about how hard it was returning to work after holiday time off & I have not been able to stop smiling … about the fact that I don’t have to deal with that. It’s the small things that give me a much-needed reality check. I will figure out where to go from here. In the meantime, I just have to focus on the positive.
This somewhat explains why I have become so anxious to retire. My job is OK. even pleasant most of the time, although it has it stressful times. I don’t feel as if I contribute anything special to it, and anyway it’s not the sort of job that lends itself to that. OTOH I loved being a volunteer run coach last year and will be doing that again this year. I had women I coached tell me I inspired them and I really feel very passionate about getting women started in fitness. Realized recently that if I had to give up either my job or the coaching the job would go.
Thanks all for sharing your thoughts, pondering and concerns…and I thought it was just me! The weight of environmental degradation, declining animal and insect numbers, political collapse, global warming, rising authoritarian governments, declining efficacy of antibiotics and anti-fungal drugs, violence and displaced populations, and just general nastiness… I won’t get into politics, but the lack of civility is stunning and scary. I sometimes feel like I have awoken into a distopian novel, and we will soon be fighting over bags of rice in the grocery stores. Hopefully, I am overreacting.
I am “happily” retired as of a few months ago, but the future of the world weighs on my thoughts, and I am not feeling optimistic about human kind’s prospects. In spite of that, I thank my DD for choosing the future and starting a family, as that is the ultimate statement of optimism. I will be doing fulltime childcare for the calmest, loveliest, chunkiest little DGB boy while she works, starting again this Monday. Snuggles with him brings me joy.
May you all feel peace and joy and a sense of purpose as we move on in this season of our life.
I am so sad about the fires down under… That ecosystem is irreplaceable.
@anxiousmom : What’s DGB?
Assuming its Darling Grand Baby
Maybe Dear Grand Baby? I am afraid I don’t get the doom and glum. I finally get to reclaim my life.
@igloo. I am glad that you are not feeling doom and gloom! We need optimistic people who can spread some cheer around. (And yes, DGB was my shortcut for darling grandbaby. He really is a darling. And a pudge - 18lbs at just a little over 3 months old…)
@anxiousmom ,
Ohhhh, enjoy your chubby DGB!
I am wishing and hoping for one soon?
I want a chubby DGB! I’ll take a skinny one!
Hey, you all – jump over to the Grandparent thread to be happy!! This is the place to be doomy and gloomy!!
I’m pretty happy but I do NOT want a grandbaby!
I got to babysit my DGB today. He is almost 9 months and the best baby ever! Can’t be doomy and gloomy with him to squeeze!
Can those who have gone through similar struggles share some things that have helped them? I purchased this today:
'https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1401955525/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I would love to hear other things that could help get me through my slump.
I don’t think anyone here is happy about feeling “uneasy and down” - as the thread title mentions. Labeling posts as “doomy and gloomy” really doesn’t help.
Hoping that a few days into the New Year that those uneasy are finding some bright spots.
@taverngirl I have found that it helps to have SOMETHING, no matter how big or small, to look forward to each month. I have a high school theatre production to see later this month and a short vacation the first week of March. A few family birthdays in April and then I will make sure there is something. My main “slump” is the cold, gray, winter months, and then I usually perk up.