<p>So because I have the oldest kids in my main circle of friends- my oldest is almost 27 and younger almost 19, while friends kids are mainly just graduating from high school this spring, I have been trying to pass along just the major points of applying/attending/paying for college that I have learned over the years * only when the subject comes up*.</p>
<p>However- while IMO, my friends jaws should drop in stunned amazement, that a blue collar family with little savings or education were able to send our first to one of the top private colleges in the country ( and still have a roof over our heads) ;),- my knowledge is not given much credibility- ( maybe cause I don’t have a 4-year deg myself?).</p>
<p>Recently after hearing that her child was planning on attending a California community college in order to obtain residency for a U of Cal school, I had to mention that I didn’t think that was possible & made matters worse by sending a link to the U Cal website that states residency requirements.
Haven’t heard anything since.</p>
<p>Why do we resist " good advice" and why do we insist on giving it anyway?</p>
<p>Hi Emerald…go over to the parents forum and read the thread about giving a neighbor advise about college “fit”. It speaks to your topic here. Sometimes it’s just better to not give advice…unless it is solicited!!</p>
<p>Some people just HAVE to learn things the hard way. Makes for an “I told you so moment” down the road.</p>
<p>Some of us are ‘forward thinkers’ (with a side of OCD) and want to plan as much as we can. </p>
<p>When the the forward thinker meets the person who wants to learn the hard way, conflict results. </p>
<p>A non college related example… I have been written up at work for doing something before my boss told me to. I didn’t do anything wrong or incorrectly. My boss knew it had to be done, she wanted me to do it, yet because I did be before she said GO, I was written up. I should have been thanked, but I was not.</p>
<p>I have been written up at work for doing something before my boss told me to. I didn’t do anything wrong or incorrectly. My boss knew it had to be done, she wanted me to do it, yet because I did be before she said GO, I was written up. I should have been thanked, but I was not.</p>
<p>That seems ridiculous- I wonder if * her boss* would see it that way.
I used to work someplace where they solicited suggestions for reforming procedures and because I have " whole brain thinking" ( which actually interferes with linear work), I was able to make quite a few suggestions which were then implemented and I was given bonuses- but unfortunately the work was mostly so mundane it drove me crazy.</p>
<p>But it seems like- if it is under your authority to do the job & they know that you know what you are doing- it should be up to you to figure out which things to do- unless you are specifically told not to ( and I would want to know why as well)
but than I work much better by myself.
:)</p>
<p>My rule of thumb…unless someone SPECIFICALLY asks for advice, I do not give it. I am a professional in an allied health area. A good friend had a child who I had concerns about early on. BUT that friend did NOT solicit my opinions and I never offered them. At some point further down the road, a perfect stranger mentioned the issue to the family. The took the child to the correct medical professional and it was resolved. The mom said to me “why didn’t you say something to us?” and I politely replied “You are my friends and you never inquired. I didn’t feel it was my place to just offer my opinion.” The parents REALLY understood and appreciated my perspective on this.</p>
<p>^^Methinks SueinPhilly works for a government agency.</p>
<p>Yes, I do, I work in a comptroller’s office for the Defense Logistics Agency.</p>
<p>I had done analysis on data <em>I</em> collected and put my comments on the spreadsheet before my boss told me to do the analysis. I was written up for that.</p>
<p>Good grief, Sue. That is ridiculous.</p>
<p>emeraldkity, I would have done the same thing and I’d still do it. Some mistakes are just too expensive for me to feel okay with not passing on information. Opinions are one thing, policies of a state are another.</p>
<p>I’m sure you put a nice note with it, as would I. I always couch things with something like, “Not knowing the specifics of your situation, I just wanted to pass this on incase it was applicable. Best of luck, PMK” What people do with the information is up to them.</p>
<p>OP- Now that you have learned your lesson, you won’t want to volunteer your knowledge so readily, especially to those who think they can “play” the UC system. They don’t want to hear a naysayer shoot down their plans to save thousands in tuition.</p>
<p>I might be illustrating the point of this thread (doing what one should not…giving unsolicited advice–sorry) but…sueinphilly – maybe you shouldn’t name your employer? Just thinking it could be good to not mention it…</p>
<p>The other possibility, and it is still a reason to not give advice, is that people aren’t always truthful in what they’re saying. The family may have sent the child to a Cal community college for many other reasons and settled on the in state tuition explanation because people accept that - it ends the conversation. Why people need to explain things like that is another matter.</p>
<p>Jolynne Smyth - I have nothing to hide. I have her admonishment in writing and am actually PROUD of the fact that a supervisor could be so silly as to write up an employee for doing their job.</p>
<p>I am SO used to be ignored. I try and try to get them to listen to me about stuff. I got so ****ed a while back I walked across the street to the IG with my pile of paper and the above report proved me right. I got 5K for this from the IG, I got nothing from my own agency</p>
<p>That’s nice that you were able to get a response and recognition from the other agency. I just get nervous when I see identifying info here. I hope they recognize your contributions in the future!</p>
<p>live and learn. We all do things like that sometimes.</p>
<p>well I just found out that I am “qualified and referred” for a promotion to a GS 12 (still at my agency, but not in my current workgroup of 17 years). I can use the above example of my ‘contributions’ during the interview. </p>
<p>The feedback I get from every person I deal with outside my immediate group is glowing, I’ve had people tell me my boss (of 2+ years) is jealous that I know things she doesn’t. I’m always happy to share my knowledge, but I can’t force it on them.</p>
<p>Ek, I think that in this case, your friend doesn’t want to hear the disappointing news. I also think that there might be a bit of “blaming the messenger”. Heck, yes, there are people out there who don’t want to be told that they are wrong with someone with a less formal education than they had. I don’t think that most feel that way, but many do. For example, EK, you know a lot about natural remedies, herbs, etc. I think that some people would rather hear nutritional,medicinal, or homeopathic advice from their MD, who may not know half of what you do regarding those topics.</p>
<p>I got on the wrong side of a woman on our mission trip after I cautioned her that the fact that her daughter was getting mailings from colleges as a result of her junior year PSAT scores was not a sure sign that she was going to be admitted. To hear this woman talk, you would have thought the letters were scholarship offers! The scores were not that strong, either. I tried to be diplomatic…</p>
<p>MOWC, I am sure that you have seen the invitations that high school students receive that state because of their scholastic record and blah blah blah ecs they are invited to attend a conference where (insert some name dropping here) will speak. Then it is announced that this privilege will only cost several thousand dollars! Well, I have met a few parents who sent their kids and boasted about their child receiving this invitation!</p>
<p>That brings up one of the reasons I do tend to speak up as polietly as possible. There is so much misinformation out there. From the Ivy League giving out merit money to state residency laws to every other question that comes up again and again here.</p>
<p>Hi Emerald- I have had similar experiences and I think it’s partly because college admissions is such a “loaded” topic and also because people believe what they want to believe. I have heard everything from the “chicken littles” who say “NO ONE gets into xyz college” (I know people who have) to those who think because they have a “smart” child that HPYS will be offering admission with a full ride to boot! If you try to offer something that is sane and realistic, they don’t want to hear it. Frustrating, but true.</p>
<p>Wildest story I have heard, FIL visiting told us he talked with some teens in the midwest where he lives who told him they plan to go to Calif., spend a year in CC , then transfer to UCLA and get it all paid for. I pointed out that they must be really top students as UCLA has about a 25% acceptance rate and the free tuition sounds fishy. Guess who he believed?</p>