<p>Not sure if this goes in this forum or the Parents Forum. Feel free to move it.</p>
<p>I have dear friends who has a daughter I adore. She’s truly a lovely young lady. She has significant learning disabilities and has really struggled to acquire basic academic skills. She attends a fantastic private school for kids with LD, and has learned so much there, but is still significantly behind many of her peers. She gets good grades because she’s such an incredibly hard worker, but in a significantly reduced course load, and with substantial support and accomodations. </p>
<p>She and her family are starting the college search and her dad called to tell me about the schools they liked and didn’t like. The two they liked the best are top 30 schools that take only a small portion of applicants. I said something along the lines of how it’s good to know what kind of setting and environment she liked so they can look for other schools who share those qualities, and got a reply that made me think that they’re thinking of these schools as reasonable targets. </p>
<p>It scares me that she’ll end up without good options, when she deserves to go somewhere that makes her happy, but I also worry about destroying my relationships with her family if I say "have you looked at . . . ".</p>
<p>I would leave it alone for now. They are exploring and seeing what’s out there. If they were able to find a private school that meets her needs, they will navigate through the college process. The school will also offer guidance most likely. Listen to them, smile, and let it be their journey.</p>
<p>Advise them to have a few reaches, matches, and safeties. Make sure that they understand what a safety is…a school that “for sure” will accept her, that they can afford, that has her major, and that she likes. </p>
<p>Has she taken any SAT or ACT tests? </p>
<p>You can show the parents the middle quartiles of a few schools to explain chances of acceptance, and explain that the lower quartile can be athletes, and other hooked applicants.</p>
<p>How about guiding him to this site, College Confidential?
Surely college dreams for children with LDs must be addressed someplace.
I am the personality type that *I would not be the one to burst their bubble.</p>
<p>That’s a tough one…I have experienced this with my step daughter. The high school she went to her often times gave her better grades for her efforts than he truly earned ( and also her mother did much of her work for her ) When it came time for college , she was rejected at most schools she applied to but did get into her mother’s alma mater whom her family has many graduates…she struggled in her freshman year of basic courses , dropped the ones she was failing and lost her ability to get federal loans
It was a blow to her because she has had a false sense of security that she really was doing ok…
She went back to her school last weekend and has decided to withdraw because she knows she will not be able to keep up with the work no matter how much effort she puts in
Some of us knew it , but it didn’t matter what we said…</p>
<p>That being said , I still think your friend’s daughter is going to have to go thru this , just as my step daughter has</p>
<p>It isn’t fair , it isn’t right , but you can’t fix or change that.
I hope that her parents figure out what is best for her and follow that course
I think it is great that you are concerned but yes , keep quiet</p>
<p>Tell them to get ready for a roller-coaster of a year (I am assuming their D is a senior, if she’s a junior I would just smile and nod for now). Definitely send them over here to do some research either way, though. A little later on, if they are still seeming overly optimistic about these schools, a quick lesson in “reach, match, safety” might be appropriate.<br>
A lot depends on their D’s self esteem, if she already thinks she is “stupid” then multiple rejections from schools where she is simply not qualified may be devastating. On the other hand, if she is self-confident and understands that she is gambling big time and probably won’t get in (like most of the other applicants), then why not apply as long as she also has some safeties that would serve her needs?
Oh yeah, and if you have copies of “Neurotic Parent’s Guide” or “Crazy U” or the local library has them, or they can buy them somewhere, that might be a quick education on what they are up against.</p>
<p>Here is what I would say in that situation (although your moment may have passed). “Oh, those are great schools! We found it was so easy to find reach schools for our kids, but a lot more work to find safety schools that we were sure they would get into so we were certain they would be going to college. I wish we had spent more time on that part of the search with D1.” (Which is absolutely true for us, and a mistake we have not made with D2)</p>
<p>I would assume if she’s at a private school that “specializes” in LDs that the guidance department has been down this path before and will give good advice. I don’t think the OP needs to do anything.</p>
<p>This happens to me all the time…it really comes down to a brand-awareness thing. Everyone has HEARD of the “top” schools but not the many others that are excellent. Through this site and other sources I have found numerous great colleges that are off the radar of the typical status-conscious parents in my community. Some of my friends have actually looked into them at my suggestion. Others have stuck with their “Ivy/fancy-sounding college or bust” plans and been disappointed. In several cases, I have friends whose kids are not even going to college this year because they WAY overestimated their chances of getting in at the more desirable schools and were rejected. It’s sad.</p>
<p>CuriousJane – forgive me – I didn’t look up your posts – have you gone through the whole college meat grinder with your own kids? Because that (to me) would be the best place to start with these people – something like, “you know, when I was looking at schools for my kid, I was amazed at how tough it was for even the best students to get into schools like the ones you’re looking at.” Then segue into “CC was such a valuable resource for me. I can post her stats if you like and get some feedback or you can create your own profile and do it yourself.”</p>
<p>Something that acknowledges their hopes for their child but also informs them of the harsh reality that awaits her.</p>
<p>I haven’t been through the process yet. I actually came here initially because I wanted to look up some of the schools she’s applying to, and have stayed because there’s lots of useful information for my job, and eventually for my kid. So, I can’t say “this is what worked for my kid”. </p>
<p>You all are confirming what I already knew. I’ll keep quiet or drop very gentle hints, not saying “don’t apply there”, but "I’ve heard good things about . . . " with a wider range of schools.</p>
<p>I don’t know… the idea of saying “I’ve heard good things about…” when they can see for themselves what the US News Rankings, etc. are for those schools may just make them think you just don’t know which ones actually are good.</p>
<p>It sounds like maybe their D is a junior if they are just starting the search. So they don’t have test scores yet. That is another point you could make – that the bottom 50%tile of test scores are more for kids who have a “hook” of some kind (athletics, URM, some claim to national fame, etc.), so they should be sure their D is applying to several schools where her scores are over the 50% point. I would just try to tell them that “safety/match schools are so much harder to find, and lots of people spend too much time on reach schools because they are easier to find.” It might not sink in the first time…</p>
<p>If they were to ask how to find safety/match schools, tell them to go through the Fiske book. :)</p>
<p>But the world isn’t perfect, is it? And the people in it have their own imperfections. (Well, at least I do.) The issue here is whether the friend is willing to listen, or whether his mind is closed to adverse input. I would ignore any suggestion along the line of “Have you considered …?” But I’d react positively if approached with “Hey my kid is having a devil of a time finding safeties. How did your kid go about choosing them?” YMMV of course.</p>
<p>I agree with the others, send them a link to these boards so they can do some research on how the application process works. Stories like this is what scares me about some kids–their schools have easy grading so their GPA’s are high, but then they score an 19, 22 on the ACT and can’t figure out why. A 4.0 with an 18 on an ACT isn’t going to get her into most colleges. One of our DS’s friends has some pretty severe LD’s. He is at a state directional that is known for helping kids with LD’s, but even with that, he doesn’t have great job prospects because of his processing difficulties. He knows that, his parents know that but he really wanted to go off to college. He is a junior and doing fine but again, will most likely continue working at the grocery store he works at in the summers when he graduates.</p>
And since they didn’t ask for advice, why risk offending a friend.</p>