<p>Wishing you happiness…</p>
<p>I’m interested in hearing the introspection. :)</p>
<p>Given your comments about your friends, I’m wondering if you do actually overintrospect when with them.</p>
<p>
used to. have improved significantly in the last year, with much credit to the boyfriend, who is a good influence. what y’all got here is the suppressed introspection that i haven’t been spewing over everyone else lately. :o</p>
<p>Camelia, </p>
<p>I am not sure how it was at Dartmouth this year but at most places PNMs tend to drop out because they didn’t give all the groups a chance rather than 100 PNMs were cut completely from every organization. Quota is usually set right before the last round (Pref Night). If there are 180 PNMs still participating and there are 6 sororities then quota will be 30 (180/6). If there were 300 PNMS still participating, then quota would be 50 (300/6). So a larger amount of PNMs isn’t necessarily going to hurt a rushee’s chances.</p>
<p>Please keep an open mind regarding all the GLOs. Too many rushees go into recruitment with preconceived ideas and stereotypical notions of each of the organizations ie the jocky/snobby/too social/not social enough…You may be surprised that the home with whom you find the deepest connection by Pref Night was not one of your top choices originally.</p>
<p>Make sure you have alumnae recommendations for each of the NPC orgs (national sororities) when you go through recruitment next time. If you don’t know Greek alumnae from the NPC orgs that are at Dartmouth, contact the NPC and get the contact info for your hometown Panhel Association. Since your parents moved after you finished hs, get the PA contact for both your new area and where you went to high school. Explain to the Panhel Assoc contact that you will be going through recruitment at Dartmouth with AAA, BBB and XYZ and could she please give you the local alumnae association’s president or recruitment chair’s contact for each of these groups… I don’t know what to tell you regarding the locals.</p>
<p>When a PNM goes through recruitment, it is recommended that she avoid talking about the 4 Bs: Boys, Bible, Bank, Booze ie no talk about boyfriend or any other guy on campus (never know if it’s a sister’s ex), religion, family’s financial status, her OR the group’s “partying” reputation.</p>
<p>cameliasinensis - From reading your posts, I think you and your personality are priceless! I certainly wouldn’t change one iota! Such dry wit - love it! To me, it also sounds like you were born an “old soul”, mature beyond your years. I have two daughters who are just the same - I tell people they were 45 at birth!</p>
<p>You remind me a lot of my soph D, except it sounds like you have A LOT more friends at school and are involved in MANY more activities than she is. She is a science/language double major taking the premed prereqs and plays in two music groups at a very difficult school, so she says studying and those she encounters through that (study groups, tutoring groups, etc.) are the majority of her friends. She has three roommates she likes, but doesn’t really seem to do anything social with them. She says she is just too busy with studying, homework, etc. Not sure if she eats with anyone or not - after freshman year we quit asking!</p>
<p>D “friendship pattern” in hs was to do things with a larger group of friends too. In fact, her hs groups use to be the “tennis group”, the “orchestra group”, the “soccer group”, and the “others” (which was the largest group). In a funny circumstance, a kid or two from each of these groups stayed in town to attend local U and all ended up working part time at the same place. Now when D comes home, they ALL get together. D said, in a humor that reminds me of yours, “It’s been really convenient that all of my social worlds have collided at home - instead of setting up separate times to see different friends, I get to see them all at once!” She has not found that or does not do that in college. She said once something along the lines that the people at college were nice, “but not like my friends at home”. Truth be told, the kids in college are more like-minded than anyone she knows here, but she had years to get to know her friends at home. I don’t know if you are like my D, but it just takes her that long to get really comfortable with someone. To know what they think is funny, to know the intricacies of their personalities. I am not sure four year will be enough time for her to develop the bonds she has at home. Also like you, D has absolutely NO interest in the drinking scene - total waste of time in her opinion. </p>
<p>I applaud the steps you are taking to make things more like you would want them to be. My D said at the beginning of the year she was trying to do one thing each day that she would normally not do - something outside of her comfort zone. That might be speaking up more in a class she was normally silent in, eating someplace on campus she hadn’t tried, talking to someone she didn’t know, etc. I worry that now that the semester is in full swing she has stuck her head in that proverbial tunnel and is just barreling toward that light at the end, which is her personality. You on the other hand are taking steps to improve your situation, which is wonderful!</p>
<p>Your social life sounds fine to me. Are you worried because you don’t go to a zillion parties? Would you enjoy going to a zillion parties? </p>
<p>My daughter makes cookies and invites friends over. It seems to work for her.</p>
<p>quality, not quantity. it just feels incredibly superficial.</p>
<p>If sorority rush doesn’t work out for you, aren’t there coed social groups with houses? And maybe co-ops? The co-op at my college fostered very close friendships. I was in an a cappella group after transferring, and I know exactly what you are talking about.</p>
<p>I also encourage you to stay in rush this time until/unless you are cut by every house. If you get a bid from an organization that doesn’t seem like the right fit, you have nothing to lose by giving it a try for a few weeks. The sororities at Dartmouth are pretty big, and you can’t possibly get to know each member before you join. Your best friends may be waiting in your last-choice group.</p>
<p>Church groups can often provide you with a nice social group, even if you are not a believer. Look into some of those.</p>
<p>Also, I was very interested to read of your plight, because D2 is currently applying to Dartmouth. Come back from time to time and let us know how things how things are going.</p>
<p>I went to college from a very closeknit girl’s prep school. I’ve never had the intense friendships I had then and I still miss them. There were many times as an undergrad I felt just like you and even more times in grad school where I was in a very clique-y class and it was really hard to meet people outside of architecture school. I learned each time that it was critical to join things, and ideally join things where there is a lot of interaction between people. Good luck!</p>
<p>I recall from your previous posts that you switched your major from IR to… art… (I think)? Was the major change part of the academic “difficulties” (having “known” you on CC I find it hard to believe that your “worst” could be much less than perfect! 
)?</p>
<p>Also, a sorority can be a great support system… I’ve gone through some petty but painful personal drama this semester, and my house’s been great at “picking me up,” even without knowing all the details. I’m a non-drinking Greek, and I’m happy in my house, even with the drama that can and does ensue. My sorority has given me great, consistent friends, leadership, and academic motivation. I hope winter recruitment goes well for you! :)</p>
<p>right now i’m a government/geography double major; the art thing didn’t work out, it was just my internship driving me crazy. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>and the sororities do sound great, i’m just worried that i won’t get in (and winter rush isn’t until the end of january).</p>
<p>thanks for the advice & encouragement!</p>
<p>camelia:</p>
<p>I have to admit, it’s such a joy to read your writing that I’m secretly a little glad you are unhappy enough to write something.</p>
<p>Have you considered the possibility that you just aren’t a conventionally social person? You are clearly something of an artistic personality. Writing and photography mean a lot to you; those are both quintessentially solitary activities. You seem very inner-directed – other people don’t have that much effect on you.</p>
<p>Really, there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean that you will be lonely or lack friends, only that it may be 4 or 5 good friends, not 30 or 40 superficial ones, and that it will always take you more time to form those relationships. Also, that your standards for friendship may be higher than others’. My wife is like that: she has very close friends, but often feels like she doesn’t have any, or hardly any, and she often feels upset about fairly minor disturbances in the friendship force-fields. I feel like I have lots of friends, but very few of my relationships are deep enough to meet her standard for what a friendship should be.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard to feel like you’re sitting outside in the cold peering through the window at a crowd of people full of warmth and fellowship inside. But that may just be how you are wired, part of what makes you the beautiful writer, careful thinker, and independent person you are. </p>
<p>(A Scandinavian cliche, right? Think Ingmar Bergman.)</p>
<p>Camelia, your lovely soul shines through your posts. I found myself saying, “She is too fine a flower for this garden,” but that is probably not helpful. </p>
<p>JHS hit the nail on the head. You are a rare, sensitive soul who may derive more satisfaction from internally-driven and substantive pursuits. It may not be easy to find those few like-spirited and like-minded souls with whom you can connect in a more meaningful way. But they will be worth the wait, I promise. I wish you the best of luck!</p>
<p>Camellia, my DD is an 09, and is in a sorority. She drinks very little, although she is looking forward to becoming legal soon, because she drank wine in France on her FSP. She sounds a bit like you, she didn’t want to do rush until she got to D, and is somewhat introverted, with a relatively small group of friends. Soroity has been good to her because it has opened her eyes to different ways of doing things, and gotten her girlfirends (she has always had more guy friends than female friends). In a couple of weeks, begin talking to your friends about how they like their sorority after they know it better. Throw away your pre-conceived notions and really listen to what they say about the personality of the group. That will help you identify which are truly right for you. It is much easier to be comfortable and enthusiastic if the group is a good fit for you. It is also easier for your friends to advocate for you in rush if they “feel the love” in a two way fashion.
Looking from the outside in, the problems with the new matching system are more about the limited number of sororities than the system. Also, some houses are more popular than others, so some girls dropping out are always quitting because they only want one house, and think they will have a better chance later.</p>
<p>camelia, I am so glad when you update us on your life at school, even if you are having some rough spots. Like many of us who lived through your college application process, I feel close to you and am sorry that you are not gloriously happy about everything. </p>
<p>It sounds like you are happy enough that you shouldn’t transfer. The social scene is so unpredictable, and based on your personality type, there is no guarantee that you would find a group of close friends at a different school. While it may be tough to admit this, you may just have to accept that your college life isn’t perfect. Few things in life are. </p>
<p>The only piece of advice I have for you is to suggest you hang out in at the paper. Newsrooms tend to be friendly, boisterous places, and if you spent more time there you might meet people and be able to socialize more.</p>
<p>Good luck and keep posting to let us know how you are doing.</p>
<p>Hi Cami,</p>
<p>I really want to reiterate that there are PLENTY f social options outside the greek system. I was in what I would say is one of the more “high profile” fraternities on campus and I had fun. But I would say at the end of the day only a small percentage of my best friends are from my frat. I found the non-greek crowd to be much more like the scene you seem to be looking for. You need to get out there to find it though - activities are a big way in.</p>
<p>hi camelia!</p>
<p>I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts. I have a similar problem to the one you’re talking about. On campus I have about 5 really good friends already, but I don’t have a large “group” type thing that I had in high school. All these replies have been so helpful to me. I get ridiculously anxious about some of the social stuff so it’s been nice to read.</p>
<p>Good luck with your rush, I really hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.</p>
<p>I was wondering how the OP is doing…</p>
<p>I just found this site and have read the posts. My daughter is a freshman at Vassar. She has enjoyed her classes, she likes her roommates, she in not unhappy but she expresses much the same sentiments regarding not finding people she feels really close to. She is also an artist and inner directed. This was an issue in hs as well…even though she went to the same school k-12! She found her way her senior year in hs and I think she misses that feeling of being a part of something very much. I know she is lonely sometimes. She thinks the size of the school is the reason - a larger school would give her a larger pool of people. I don’t really think that is it. I am not sure how to advise her but I am writing a letter to her and have used some of the statements in this post.
I hope I am not in the wrong place, saying these things, since you all seem to have known each other for some time. It’s just that the comments hit home.</p>