<p>This is relatively minor in a season with more pressing admission concerns but I really need to vent…</p>
<p>Imagine my surprise and delight when my child told me during break that he auditioned for a major performance at school, to be held later this month. He went through the routine for me a few times and honestly, exhibited a degree of talent I didn’t realize he had. We spent hours discussing his performance, viewing similar acts on YouTube and charging purchases for little things he needed to help make his performance a success. I was so excited for him and could hardly wait to see this routine under the lights while experiencing the crowd’s appreciation of his talents.
Imagine my horror during our discussion last evening when he informed me that “since a lot of parents won’t be coming, maybe you should just wait and come out to the play in May”.
Ok so now I’m crushed. I don’t need to surround myself with “a lot of parents” to feel comfortable. I simply want to see him perform. So, of course, this begs the most mind numbing question of all. Am I some sort of embarrassment? I am on the youngish end of the parenting age spectrum and I always place a premium on physical appearance so I think I can slip in without creating too much of a stir. I’m not trying to “hang” with him and his friends afterward; I just want to see the show, take a pic with him and head home. He assured me that he’d send me the video and put pics on FB but still…My only solace is the fantasy that one day he too will be a BS parent, gently nudged to the side with promises of videos or holograms or whatever the heck they’ll use by then. In the meantime, I’m looking for a good, affordable prosthetic disguise artist in my area.</p>
<p>You should go anyway. You don’t have to tell him, you can still sneak in. He might just be nervous and worried that your presence will make him more so.</p>
<p>I agree with PhotoOp, go anyway, for all of us who would like to go to events and live to far away to go. And please provide us with a report of the performance. I bet there will be a few other parents in attendance. Last year I had the pleasure of seeing my daughters dorm play. I ran into a parent afterwards who told me that her daughter had informed her that parents would not be attending dorm plays and therefore she didn’t attend. She was so disappointed when I told her there were about a dozen parents at the dorm play I attended. Just don’t applaud to loudly.</p>
<p>I am planning on going to see my d in a jazz-dance at the end of the month. My d know how excited I am. </p>
<p>I wanted to go in November to see some other in children in a play, but just couldnt swing the money. My d tried to make me feel better by saying a lot of parents werent coming so close to the kids coming home for thanksgiving.</p>
<p>I miss seeing my d dance. I have been part of this activity at least twice a week since she was 3 yrs old.</p>
<p>Absolutely go. The kids always guess wrong at how many parents are in the audience. They think theirs will be the only ones. Almost never the case!</p>
<p>Really. Life it too short to not avail yourself of tiny bits of joy. We don’t get to keep them in our lives very long anyway. Treat yourself and go.</p>
<p>When we were at my D’s school for a parent event a few months ago, we got a text from our daughter that gave the time and location of the play rehearsal and said “you can come observe as long as you sit in the back, don’t make noise, and don’t otherwise acknowledge or embarrass me!” </p>
<p>So it must just be a “teen” thing. </p>
<p>(BTW - if your son still balks - go anyway. It’s our God given right to torture our children and remind them that as parents, we are the supreme rulers of their universe.)</p>
<p>I’m sure I’ll make a lot of enemies for saying this, but I just can’t wrap my brain around why you’d go after your son expressly asked you not to.</p>
<p>I know nothing about the OP - but perhaps her son just needs to feel independent for a change. High school is a time for breaking away and “testing ones wings” and perhaps he really needs to do something completely on his own without mom in the background. This is boarding school after all - not day school - so learning to be independent is a significant part of the process.</p>
<p>If OP really wants to go, then I’d suggest she talk to her son about it - and if he still says “no,” then honor that. In my book, trust and respect rate way higher than a single school performance.</p>
<p>Well I would call the director of the play and offer to bring food and/or drinks to the cast party. That way you would be sharing the joy of all the performers, not only your child. Do not invite yourself to the party. </p>
<p>FWIW, I was a high school gymnast and never invited my parents to a meet. My parents would read the newspaper the next morning at breakfast, see my placements, and casually say, “Oh, you had a meet last night?” Now as a parent I know how cruel my actions were.</p>
<p>Exie–I am using my right as a parent to torture my d every chance I get—lol</p>
<p>Over parent weekend there was a session with the school psychologist, that reminded us that the students are NOT in college, they are 14-17 and we are still the parents. They are allowed to make many decisions at BS but that doesnt mean that we have given up our rights. </p>
<p>My d tells me not to worry if we cant afford it, but I tell her that with all the time, energy, effort and money that I have a right to enjoy her and her activities.</p>
<p>I usted to be a drag, but bs has shown her that my love and support is more than many kids get. Many kids only wish their parents would even want to come. I was surprised at how many parents DIDNT come to parents weekend. My d is amazed that classmates were impressed that i made a scarf for her, I have orders placed now for more. She has come to be proud and more appreciative for the little things I have given her. </p>
<p>I remember my d telling a friend, my mom is always there, I couldnt get rid of her if I wanted to, and I dont. My mom makes me laugh with all the silly things she does.</p>
<p>I’m not clear on where this conversation ended, nylecoj007. It sort of tails off, like the final episode of a Friday afternoon soap opera when one star lays a bombshell on another character and all we see is the facial reaction. Clearly more was said after </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Or not?</p>
<p>Did you explore this with him? Maybe he didn’t want to put you out and make you feel obligated to make repeated trips. Maybe he was just thinking that it’s not that important to him to have a parent there and, having never been a parent, he didn’t realize that you might possibly want to see it for your own benefit. Maybe – if he’s unusually considerate and empathetic for his age – he was thinking that his other classmates might feel bad that their parents weren’t making the effort that you were making.</p>
<p>A few years ago my mom mentioned to me that she wished she could have gone to my lacrosse games. Because she was a teacher at the time, she couldn’t get to my high school in the afternoon to watch my games. Frankly, I didn’t notice. I just played, had fun, showered and caught the late bus home and did my homework. Who’d want to watch? One day she got out of school early or something unexpected and she was at a game. Afterward she came up to me and – this part she remembers because I don’t have any recollection – she called over to me and I looked horrified to see her. She had assumed that I would be happy to see her but I wasn’t. I told her she could go home. Well, I know what happened even though I can’t remember this specifically. I wanted her to enjoy her time off and, with the game over, she would have to wait for me to do all the post-game BS and then shower and get my stuff together and I was fine not having her wait on me. But she took that as a signal that I didn’t want her there. I was totally 100% neutral on that. If it made her happy, that was fine. (Although, in high school, I could not have comprehended the idea of being happy watching someone else play a game.) So she never went to any of my games. Not even the Saturday games. All because she thought I didn’t want her around…which was not the case at all. As a kid, it would seem like a silly misunderstanding. As a parent, I find it tragic and sad. Maybe a little heartbreaking.</p>
<p>If you didn’t finish the conversation and have both of you lay your cards on the table: do so! If you did finish the conversation, fill in the blanks please! I hate those scenes that cut to commercial before the most important part of the dialogue takes place! :)</p>
<p>If you DO go, will you tell your son ahead of time? Afterwards? Never? Think carefully about it. If you sneak in and tell him afterwards, then I think he has legitimate reasons to question his trust in you. If you never tell him, then you need to be prepared to contain your delight for 3 months and then act like you were seeing it for the first time in May. Can you do that? </p>
<p>I really think you should approach your son and tell him how important it is for you to come. Stress that you’ll sit in the back, leave immediately, etc. Or else you just need to inform him that you are coming and that’s the end of it. Maybe find some other parents who are also going, so that he can see you won’t be the only one.</p>
<p>So I went (don’t judge me! haha). A few days prior, I reiterated my desire to see the show and it was amazing how much his positioned had softened. At this point, he was more preoccupied with his own performance and whether he’d put in enough practice time. It was the best decision I could have made. It was an amazing show and afterward, he really surprised me by introducing me to a ton of friends, all whose names escaped me because I was so astounded by his graciousness. I hung around for a little while but not so long as arouse suspicions that I was somehow attempting to ingratiate myself into this peer group. I drove away with amazing memories, great footage and the understanding that there are points in time that, as a parent of a boarding school student, you really don’t want to miss. We concede so much when we allow our kids to go away to school; things that PS and day school parents may take for granted. He won’t be 16 forever. I have HD video footage that I will readily share with my grandchildren in decades to come. I imagine him hiding his head in embarrassment as this new generation laughs their fool heads off. That alone makes the trip and the effort, well worth it.</p>
<p>I just returned from seeing d in her first self-choreographed piece. Due to the crazy weather we left very early and surprised my d in her last period class. The amazement on her face was wonderful. She was shocked and so happy that we made it early.</p>
<p>As the mom, I feel I have the right to show up! I think a lot of times, I know my d does this, tries to not make me feel bad when she wants something and isnt sure we can afford it. I am honest with her and usually can make a way.</p>
<p>They want to be “grown-up” but they still need their moms and dads.</p>