So I went into college as a D1 track athlete which I was really excited about up until a few months of actually being there. It ended up being one of the most corrupt and controlling places I had ever been. I also went into college having a boyfriend which was probably one of my more stupid decisions. The athletic program I was in was supposed to be a good one and had a fairly new coaching staff, my class being their first recruiting class. I went in with a completely open mind about the program since it would be the first time that I was going to be coached by someone other than my father and I trusted these new coaches with the talents that I had coming out of high school. Soon I found out that the staff was not as well prepared as I thought they were going to be.
They ended up being really negative and verbally abusive. Many people tried to go to the athletic director over our head coach but nothing was done. Many people ended up leaving because a lot of people were digressing in their talents. I ended up being really depressed from how horrible I was doing (I was doing worse than I ever did in high school) and how controlling and egoistic and manipulative my coach was. I tried to see a counselor about it but it did not help because she said she was basically only there to listen and couldn’t do anything unless he was physically abusing us. I decided to transfer and the only friends I had there were my teammates who were too busy with meets and practice for me to see after leaving the team. I felt so alone on campus and then I also ended up being dumped and I no longer could bring myself to even get out of bed. I ended up withdrawing to save my GPA.
I wanted to take a year off to work on myself but my dad was convinced I would not go back to school, so he made me go back. I also found out according to NCAA rules that after a withdrawal, I have to complete 24 credit hours in two semesters before I am able to compete for another school again. I ended up not being able to decide where to go for school so I ended up deciding to go to a D2 school close to home a week before the semester started. The school system was not very helpful academically and I have still been depressed on and off since I left my first school. I ended up failing two of my classes already after only enrolling in 12 credit hours and I feel very hopeless about when I will be able to compete next and cursing myself for choosing a D2 school (nothing against the lower divisions, but the coaches here are not even full time, I have to ask family and friends to fund our team, the trainers are not as good, the enrollment and academic staff are not nearly as helpful, and there is a lot of inner team drama and hate against me from the other girls. It’s not nearly as supportive).
My life has really only gone down hill the rest of the year with many other things. I failed two classes because I am still in this rut and my new school did not help me academically at all, so who knows when I’ll be able to compete again if ever, and I am completely broke. I have been unable to work because of sports and school. A huge part of me regrets withdrawing because I would have been able to compete this year and I feel lost now that I am unable to. After I told my dad that I had failed my classes he told me that I have 30 days to find another place to live and he is no longer helping me pay for anything that has to do with college or anything else. I am completely on my own now and I feel like the only option left is to leave school and find a job. The problem is is that I have no experience with anything but sports since my father has been my coach my whole life and has coddled me to where I don’t even have my own bank account because he told me not to get one yet. I have been controlled my whole life and told what to do and now I am completely lost at what I should do next and would really appreciate advice.
Hello WhiteCrowWolf, would this be an accurate condensed version?
You went to a D1 school as a track athlete and didn’t like coach, had some personal issues and depression. You quit the team and withdrew from school.
Dad felt it was important to continue college so you enrolled last-minute at a small, nearby D2 school. You weren’t happy there and failed some classes.
Dad says he’s not going to fund anymore school and has given you 30 days to find alternate living arrangements.
You feel lost and want advice
Okay, well this is outside the normal realm of athletic recruit advice, but I’ll throw in my .02 as a parent.
If it’s any consolation, there are a lot of kids that really struggle that first year of college. So you’re not alone and you’re not a failure because things didn’t go according to plan. I obviously don’t know your father’s take on the situation, but I suspect he feels that you are perfectly capable of getting the grades but isn’t going to keep throwing money if you aren’t going to put in the effort. I can’t say I blame him.
Assuming college is something that you want to do - would he be receptive to the idea of you staying at home, enrolling in school and even working part-time to contribute to your education? Sometimes having a little skin in the game can be helpful and demonstrate some maturity.
Last - reading your post it seems there is a lot of blaming of others. A good first step would be to take personal responsibility for the current situation and figure out, in conjunction with the people around you that you trust, how to move forward from here.
I am really sorry for what has happened to you. It is really tough having one expectation and getting another.
So let’s problem solve.
Do you have a relative who would take you in? If you can find someone to take you in, you’ll have ½ of your problem solved.
I think you need to focus on your education. So you need to improve your situation by going to a community college to bring up your grades and work part-time. The academic advising staffs are usually pretty good and they can refer you to their mental health staff to talk to someone to let it out.
Sports cannot be a priority until you become stable in your living and education situation, sorry.
I took my blame for it as well. I am not a case for pity, I just need to know what steps to take next. Sports have been my whole life and my dad would probably never talk to me again if I quit athletics in college because I have a good chance of becoming a professional athlete. None of my relatives live close, the closest one is three hours away. I do not have my own car and have to get dropped off at school so I would not be able to get to work because of my parents working schedules as well. My dad is convinced that I could not even handle a job.
The NCAA rules are what they are. Find out when and where and how you can transfer and get a new scholarship. Sometimes if your coach from the old school will release you, you don’t have to wait. There are waivers and appeals if you think you qualify. Honestly, I couldn’t tell if you’ve been to 2 or 3 different colleges, and at which of those you were an athlete.
Your father may not have the money to send you to another school without a scholarship. We consider my daughter’s scholarship her ‘job’ and we need that money for her to go to THAT school. She understands that, and if she wants to quit the team or gets thrown off, she has to transfer to a cheaper school. That’s just the economics of that school for us. Her situation is similar to yours. She was recruited onto a new team, didn’t know what to expect from the coaches, and didn’t know how the athletic requirements would work out with school. Honestly, the coach expects a lot more than DD thought she would, both socially and physically. It’s hard work. DD gets discourage sometimes and I was really surprised that she decided to go back to the school this year. This year is entirely different, she just accepts that the coach is different than other coaches she’s worked under, and accepts that the coach is going to yell.
It sounds like you aren’t on the same page as your father as far as your education and sports participation. Don’t just pick another school. Check it out, talk to the coach, see if you need to wait a year or a semester before your eligibility kicks in again.
I really feel for your situation, it is very difficult to know what the environment will be like at a school until you get there, and just because a coach is at a D1 school doesn’t meant they are the right coach for you. I agree with others that you need to understand where you stand with regards to eligibility at your current or any prospective new school. Unfortunately, if you competed at your first school you have started your eligibility clock, you may need to explain that to your dad, to see if that will change his perspective on your choices.
Unless you are on scholarship at your new school, even if you attend there, you did not need to compete for them, you may however, need their permission to talk to other coaches. You can also ask your dad for his coaching help again. Have him write down what his training plan for you would be and see if your current coaches (if you are still at the D2 school) will consider letting you follow it.
If you have already left that school, consider competing as an unattached athlete for this next year. You can still compete with or without attending any school. I don’t know what part of the country you are in but many areas have open track meets that you can compete in for both indoor and outdoor – Coach O and Direct Athletics have the 2016 calendars posted and can give you a list for your area of meets that allow open athletes so you can get some current times/marks. You will see many collegiate age athletes competing at these during redshirt years/seasons. Just because you can’t compete for a college, doesn’t mean you have to stop competing.
If you can still show that you are a solid performer and potential point scorer you can then begin dialogue with coaches from other schools to see if there are any scholarship opportunities. There are many D1 schools that do not care what your grades are and only require you to maintain the minimum level GPA to maintain eligibility. But you need to know if you are academically eligible and if not, at least have a clear understanding and plan of what it will take to get eligible.