<p>OK. The jury is officially in. I miss Aludaughter. Now that I am back from China and her empty room is ever-present, I miss her. Don’t get me wrong. She took up a lot of space, big personality, tall girl, lots of clothes:), etc. It’s nice to have that space cleared for S who is a dear being. But I find I keep calling her on her cellphone. I look forward to her emails, even though they are usually about some other item she has discovered she requires. I want to know how every day goes.</p>
<p>She’s being a good sport. She talks to me, tells me lots of details. She calls me too. But I am surprised at how much I miss that girlikin. I just miss her original perspective and the vicarious pleasure of living her life with her.</p>
<p>Hopefully you’ll never get over it, but it will interfere less and less with daily functioning. The “desperateness” of it seems to fade, especially when the kidlets are doing well.</p>
<p>Both my D’s at university call or email frequently about logistical things and I always view that, “can you look up something for me” as a hug.</p>
<p>Alumother…
Know that you are not alone! I too miss my “girlikin.” But every contact with her renews the knowledge that she is living college life to the fullest…working hard…and learning lots. Does a mother’s heart good. </p>
<p>Nope, I’m afraid you won’t get over it you just come to a quiet acceptance that even though you have sent your child off to be with “those people” she is having the time of her life. You’ll pass stores and see stuff that you think she would like and there are days that nothing but little antecdotes about her will fill your head. </p>
<p>You know that in your heart of hearts she is happy and that will be enough to make you happy. At thanksgiving you will buzz with excitement at the thought that “your baby” is coming home. </p>
<p>You’ll wonder what happened to that little red-haired girl when you see this young woman who seems to have grown exponentially in the short time since she left your house . You’ll have evenings that you’ll sit up and chat all night long. You’ll sit on the sofa and all of the sudden for no reason what so ever, she’ll sit next to you and lie her head on your shoulder and for a breif moment it will be like she is your little girl all over again. You’ll do everything in your power to keep from bawling like a baby but at the same time your heart will be so full and all of what you are feeling at that moment, will have made it definitely worth the wait.</p>
<p>Aha, aha, Alumother, it happened a LOT earlier for you than it did for me. This ‘heartache’ happened to me ( for me?) only this summer. I was almost crazy. I took it out on husband, co-workers, boss, friends. I think I have finally calmed down a bit…son is SO very independent now. He hardly calls me except when he needs money or when he needs my credit card…i am not complaining just that he is such a calm and rational child and cannot think of a rational reason to call me. I even told him this summer.</p>
<p>Well, hope you get used to it. I agree with sybbie that you won’t get over it but a calm acceptance will come over you.</p>
<p>Heck, I’ve got a Junior, and I still think about her every day. Any sadness goes away once you accept the fact that you’ve accomplished your goal and had a successful launch. It was meant to be…and you always knew it would happen. She’ll be popping in and out of your life from here on out. If you want her to pop in and out more often, have her put you on her AIM buddy list. Then she’ll be popping up all day long Those away messages carry lots of useful info.</p>
<p>I think that they discuss this at freshmen orientation or on the facebook or something as it seems that no matter where your kid goes they all do the same thing. And no matter what happens, you had better be home because they then get upset at the fact that you are not next to the phone waiting to hear from them.</p>
<p>I remember when my daughter was a little girl, my younger sister who lived downstairs in the same house was babysitting for her. I was only gone for 3 hours but when I got home, she was dressed in winter clothes (it was the middle of summer) and full of baby powder, vaseline, and perfume. All I could do was shake my head and laugh. I asked her, “Chicky, what is going on and where is your aunt”? Her reply, “i asked Aunt ___ if I could go up stairs, she told me to call her if I needed any thing and I did not need anything”. She lives her college life pretty much the same way.</p>
<p>woodwork,</p>
<p>Good to here from you!! I hope that E had a great move in. I did reminisce a little as they started their first day of school yesterday. I knew my days of walking up to the gate and meeting the teacher are now long over but I sent an e-mail telling her to have a great first day.</p>
<p>Sybbie, my kid doesn’t even get upset if I’m not by the phone waiting for his call! I suppose boys are a little more detached than girls? I don’t know…but I think I’ve come to the state of “calm acceptance” or at least trying to come to the state of “calm acceptance” that you are talking about…I am trying. It is easier on some days than others.</p>
<p>Hang in there, Alu – it does get better with time, believe it or not, although it ain’t gonna ever go away I don’t think (says the one with a whole 3.5 weeks of missing-him under her belt). We’ve got the AIM thing down, and I sunk low enough to call his cell this morning to see if he still had that fever/flu and if he’d gone to Student Health yet (somewhat, and yes finally), but he never calls me, and he never emails. It’s all reaching out from my side. I guess that’s just the way it’s going to be.</p>
<p>I’m finally to the point where I can go into his empty room and not feel waves of sadness washing over me. But even sitting here typing this, I can feel that if I let myself, I could burst into tears at the office keyboard. I am so proud of him, and so concerned and curious about him, but the him-shaped hole in the fabric of my life is slowly sending out threads to knit some of that space back together. Our relationship will change, but I know it will always be strong. It takes some getting used to: we don’t spend those 18 years prepping ourselves for this transition, so we’re making it up on the fly.</p>
<p>And yes, lovely words, sybbie. I don’t think my son will ever curl up next to me on the couch again, which makes me feel weepy again, but I hope he’ll let me stand behind him and gently run my hand over his hair while he’s sitting at the table sometime. That curly little head was always such a source of joy… and it is still today.</p>
<p>I’m crying at work, too. Both of my girls left this year and I really, truly am so happy for them. They’re both so happy with their choices and excited about their lives. We talk and e-mail quite a bit, but there are times that I just wish they were around. Even though it’s not acute pain anymore, I miss them both so much. </p>
<p>Those 2 guys (hubby and son) in my house just don’t think it’s grand fun to go out to an ice cream shop and call that dinner. And my 15-year old son is so scared that I’m going to suggest we visit a college or two this weekend. ;)</p>
Yes, somemom. That is exactly what I feel when S calls - and I think it actually <em>is</em> a hug. He calls to re some logistical matter, but then goes on to chat - just a bit, but it is a chat. I think he may need the logistical excuse to make the call.</p>
<p>btw, I canNOT figure this out, but S has not been on AIM since he arrived at “host” school. He set me up on AIM before he left, showed me how to use it, had internet problems the first week at school. Now they are solved, but he’s not there; not even an away message. Drat! Is he using Facebook instead? I have never known him not to have AIM up on his screen whenever he was using the computer </p>
<p>jmmom - I wondered the same thing when suddenly a day went by when my son wasn’t on AIM. He told me that you can “hide” your screen name from everyone and still be on. He had done it to avoid someone seeing that he was “on”. I wonder if that someone could have been me…</p>
<p>My S has created at least one new AIM screenname since arriving at college: jmmom, you might ask him what screenname he’d like you to use for him and see what he says, since he might be using a new one.</p>
<p>He just called in utter frustration over how slow his computer is (wants the laptop which is at Tulane :p). Obviously something’s wrong - as his desktop is not that old. But he can’t figure it out himself, claims he’s tried all the fixes DH and I <em>calmly</em> suggested. Rant, rave, rave, rant. Of course, he should call the computer help desk. But will he!??!<br>
This is <em>not</em> the times I miss him.</p>
<p>btw, Says he’s been on AIM tons, just not when I am.</p>
<p>My D2 is out of the loop of what’s cool ,she is generally too busy living life, I was the first one to mention facebook to her. She called last week to read the list of all the people who have added her as friends…that was a hug, for sure :)</p>
<p>Tears in my eyes too and then luckily we all get back to the practical and the irritating about our teens. Sybbie, just that curling up on the sofa happened once in the days before she left. It surprised me then. I expect I will be surprised again some day. Mootmom, yes I think the tops of their heads should remain ours even as the rest of them gets parsed out to the rest of the world. So here’s to all of with our kid-shaped holes to reweave. This feeling is not desperate for me - she is happy and busy - it’s just relentless like something you keep catching sight of out of the corner of your eye and when you whirl around to see it, it’s gone.</p>
Those away messages carry lots of useful info.</p>
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