<p>OK This question has probably come up before, but how do you respond as a parent to another parent indirectly belittling your kid’s getting into a particular school? Example- </p>
<p>“So where is Johnny thinking about going?”
“Oh he’s leaning towards blank”
“He got into blank? It’s impossible for kids from our county to get in there. He must have got in because he’s from out of state.”</p>
<p>or,
“My daughter didn’t get into that school because she’s a girl. It’s much easier to get in as a boy.”</p>
<p>or,
“Didn’t your husband go there?”
“Yes”
“Oh, that’s why”</p>
<p>or,
“Why did he apply to so many schools if that’s where he wanted to go?”</p>
<p>For the first three, look momentarily bewildered and then ask, “Are you suggesting that he didn’t deserve to be admitted based on his own merits?”</p>
<p>In otherwords, call them on their insinuation. I’m sure they will be embarrassed and then it will be easy to change the subject to something less threatening to their self-esteem.</p>
<p>For the last one, you might say, “Well, as you know, it’s a very competitive year. He hoped to have choices. And it turns out he did!”
:)</p>
<p>People can be such idiots sometimes. I’ve generally found that it’s not worth the effort to get defensive, or to come back with some snappy comments. My general response is, “Yes, she got into all but one of the places she applied—she really feels like <strong>fill in name</strong> is the best fit for her. I’m really excited for her.”</p>
<p>Don’t let them get you down. It’s meaningless that they belittle. They probably don’t even believe it themselves. I would just say that he is very excited to have gotten into the school and you are all very grateful that he had what the school was looking for.</p>
<p>I feel a little sad about the question and the responses. The kinds of comments doubleplay is reporting are obviously NOT intended primarily to belittle doubleplay’s kid or the college. As I read them, they mainly indicate that the commenter in question is still feeling pain from the school’s rejection of his kid, or some other kid he cared about.</p>
<p>The comments are obnoxious and thoughtless, but they don’t need to be met by indignation, one-upsmanship, or a put-down of the commenter. I think the right posture is grace in victory, and compassion – your kid won, theirs didn’t, don’t rub it in. Affirm their kid’s worth, that’s what they are struggling with. “Jimmy feels very lucky to be accepted at Podunk, and he is exciting about going there. It was such a tough year for admissions! Lots of really qualified kids weren’t accepted. It makes him feel like he has to live up to the opportunity.”</p>
<p>For me, the tougher thing to deal with is kids who have gotten into the schools your child desperately wanted to go to, but can’t, belittling those schools on really stupid, childish grounds.</p>
<p>Have thicker skin for one. Don’t let someone else’s shortcomings become yours. Just smile. If you win a arguement with an idiot, what did you really win? just smile. </p>
<p>Having two NMS and between the two receiving about a quarter mil in scholarships… I always reply, it must be their mom.</p>
<p>These people aren’t worthy of spending much time or angst on.</p>
<p>Since I’m less concerend about manners with people like this I personally would either engage in a discussion with them (i.e. tell them like it is rather than what they think - i.e. perhaps point out to them their level of ignorance) or I’d ignore them and try to not interact with them much further - it all would depend on my mood at the time and the person. </p>
<p>My wife would be nicer about it than me though.</p>
<p>Funny thing is, it’s not like he’s going to any intensive, selective colleges. He applied mostly to state u’s and decent but not super prestigious privates. I’d like to come out with some smart comeback, especially because of that.</p>
<p>I’m getting some of these comments and we’re just switching private schools! There’s a wonderful phrase in french called “pensee d’escalier” (francophiles correct me if I’m wrong here) which means “a thought which came to me on the stairs on the way home which I wish I would have been quick enough to say at the TIME”… I have alot of those!</p>
<p>I thought it was l’esprit de l’escalier? Oddly, I learned this not in French class but from Peanuts…Snoopy thinking of the perfect comeback too late.</p>
<p>You really accomplish nothing with a snappy comeback except to put yourself on the same level as the person making the insensitive comment. Take the high road. Besides, many of those thing could be true about why one person is accepted over another. If your kid gets in to a place where a parent went and someone suggests that was why he got in, you can’t refute that since it is a factor. Just smile and say, “we’re thrilled he chose to go where his dad went.”</p>
<p>I was thinkin more along the lines of witty but not offensive. I’d never call anyone stupid. As far as legacy, chances are most people are a legacy somewhere. You can only be one at two colleges tops.</p>
<p>Perhaps more: grandparents count at some schools and others count advanced degrees. So if your parents and grandparents have BA, MA, PhD at three different schools, you could theoretically be a legacy at all of the top 20 schools :p</p>
<p>In California state universities and colleges don’t have legacies. Or rather, even if your dad went to UCBerkeley, and gives money every year, it doesn’t matter a whit. Since I went to UCD, and hubby went to UCBerkeley our kids are out of luck on the legacy front.</p>
<p>If you must, then you can respond with humor that is not a “comeback” insult – but makes light of the comment. But I think JHS is right – it’s been a tough year and I think it is more important to show sensitivity and not take seemingly negative comments too seriously – especially if you are talking to the parent of a child who was rejected or waitlisted from the same school.</p>
<p>It is indeed l’esprit de l’escalier (esprit here means wit).
I would just shrug and walk away (yeah, very French, I know). What can one say to thoughtless remarks, though, especially coming from disappointed folks?</p>