I need some serious help/support/advice about Halo

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I can’t believe I am here again where I was only four or five months ago deeply concerned about my sons major addiction to WOW. I came here searching for answers, as this game world was new to me. I was stunned and touched by the outpouring of support I received and by the vast level of knowledge therefore great advice that was dispensed. You all helped me get through some days that were seriously the hardest, darkest and most difficult times I have faced in my life. I felt like literally I had lost my son.</p>

<p>FINALLY through so much anger, tears, serious arguments, threats of throwing him, and finally just not allowing it anymore…we got through it, believe me not without many scars, both emotional and the years that I have aged in those dark six months. He gets somewhat better, does some positive things…and lo and behold before we know it, he has an xbox and starts playing Halo with a bunch of friends online. It started innocently enough, but sure enough the same thing seems to have happened AGAIN. Once again he is totally addicted. I woke up last night at 4:45 and he was still up playing!! I nearly had a heart attack, screamed till I couldn’t hear my own voice, he locked his door and refused to let me in. Today he did not go to school. My husband said let him do that, etc…he has had many days just like this and its resulted in his missing about 22 days of school this year, about 35% were due to illness, the rest due to his gaming addiction and being too exhausted to function. Though he has been able to keep up his grades, it always results in last minute cramming, and much procrastination.
I am deeply concerned. Last night my husband, whom has meant well but rarely held up him threatening…finally took the system/wires with him to his office. If I ever see that thing I will throw it out the window. I am physically and emotionally SPENT AND EXHAUSTED!!! I have had a year from hell and its really worn me down plus affected his two younger siblings, the tension is very intense. He has withdrawn from socializing, hanging with girls (many girls seek his company/friendship) and doing things "normal teens: do at this stage. He has gotten in awesome colleges and my husband now feels he doesn’t deserve to go; he will not come with us to any family functions, he locks himself in his room or says he has too much hw,etc…I am at my wits end. I don’t even care about the consequences right now; the system is gone and will not be allowed in my home anymore, I feel like I am living the nightmare all over again.</p>

<p>I could use some encouragment/words of wisdom/advice from anyone familiar with this game. Anyone who has been through this or is going through this, it would be great to hear how you have handled it,etc…I am truly at a loss.</p>

<p>Thank you in advance and for taking the time to read this.:)</p>

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<p>ctmomof3,
I am so sorry to read this. I have no advice or help to offer, but want to bump this up. Please accept a cyberhug. This is so difficult. I have read your previous posts so know what a difficult struggle this has been.</p>

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<p>Our S also plays Halo, but not nearly as much as you describe. We held out for the longest time, and wouldn’t get him/let him buy his own xBox. Over the summer we held it out as a motivator if he got his grades (which weren’t horrible) up a little. He did, and we got him the xBox for Christmas. He doesn’t play during the week, and he knows homework always comes first. Lo and behold his grades went up even more for the winter term after he got it! Go figure. </p>

<p>I, too, read your previous post, and have been extra vigilant about how much time he spends playing. One thing in our favor is that our S simply can’t stay awake all night to play. S has one more year before he goes off to college, and I’m pretty sure the xBox won’t go with him. Of course I know other kids will have one and he can play there, but I’m hoping for the best.</p>

<p>I don’t have the professional sort of background to be giving out advice, but I will say I’m a believer in the “tough love” approach. In the end, though, I can really only offer sympathy & support. Perhaps some family counseling?</p>

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<p>ctmomof3,
You must deal with this now before he goes to college. S2 and S3 both got addicted at college and failed in sophomore years. Do not bail him out. Do not write any excuses for missed school. Do not help him with missed work.<br>
This will be the hardest thing to do but you have to let him face the consequences now before he is at an expensive school. Can you get GC on your side? Will they let him know what happens if he continues on this path? </p>

<p>If he fails, or gets acceptances rescinded, there are worse things than not going to college next year. What will be your requirements if that happens? Move out? Get a job? Go to community’s college? Enlist? Decide before you have the sit down with him. Make sure he knows you are serious. </p>

<p>You have my deepest sympathies. I have tried. I know you must set ground rules and he must accept the consequences. Then you have to forgive yourself. Neither of ours has gone back to school, but they are working. S2 is now talking about getting his applications in as soon as he gets residency in his new state - 3 years later. Each path is a different one.</p>

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<p>Oh, ctmom. :frowning: I read your previous post, and I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this during a time that should be happy.</p>

<p>I agree completely with singersmom07 (love the s/n, btw)…deal with it NOW before it gets worse.</p>

<p>You may also want to think about either removing the lock from his door or getting a key made while he’s at school (or do like the mom in Freaky Friday and remove the door completely…XD). Make sure he understands you don’t want it in your home. </p>

<p>I really hope things get better for you. I have friends that play Halo (my pastor even likes it quite a bit), but they play more as a hobby. My thoughts are with you and your family.</p>

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<p>Oh I am so sorry. </p>

<p>I have two boys who love Halo…and they both agree it is very addictive and compelling. In fact - they have both found - when they play too much - their whole personality changes. And not in a good way. You have a tough battle. I agree. Take the lock off the door. Remove the game system. And I would make sure that he doesn’t just move the venue to somebody else’s house.</p>

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<p>I am absolutely no expert – but since he has had addictive issues with both WOW and now with Halo, and the fact that it is impacting his ability to lead a normal life, I would suggest professional counseling. </p>

<p>I feel for you – and I also remember your previous postings and discussed the issue of game addiction with both of my sons.</p>

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<p>First of all, this is not your fault or your husband’s. Please remind yourself each day (each hour) that your son is truly addicted to this game and you will all need help to overcome its effects. </p>

<p>I am a psychologist and have worked with many gifted young men and women. This addiction is a recent phenomenon and it is hard to predict who will be able to play these games and keep the playing time in check and who will succumb to its seduction. Unfortunately, because it is so new there are few counselors who are equipped to help, but the principles of AA are necessary.</p>

<p>One suggestion I would offer is that you might want to consider a gap year. Unless he has this thing conquered and is ready to see it as an addiction you will probably be throwing away your tuition money. There is virtually no structure at college and in all likelihood he will not attend class or do the work required to succeed. </p>

<p>Look into counseling for your son and if possible for you and your husband on how to cope. </p>

<p>If anyone tries to make you feel that you have done something wrong or they would have handled it better, walk away and know that they have no idea what they are talking about. </p>

<p>My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is so incredibly difficult.</p>

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<p>Thanks everyone. I am fully ready and willing to employ the “tough love” method, in fact I am fully commited to this system staying out of our house for good, I know this is akin to suddenly taking a drug addict’s habit of choice away with no warning but I am at the point where there seems no choice. I know he will be utterly miserable and in turn make every day a horribly miserable one for me, but like with the WOW he eventually got over it and I know he can get over this too. This has certainly impacted his ability to lead any sense of a “normal teenage life”. If he was playing a sport or doing something like going to the gym, hanging out with other kids (except the token few who are as addicted to this as he is and totally not his type and anything BUT a good influence) even if he took up the many offers to hang out with girls, AND do this for an hour or two a day, make no mistake I would have no problem at all. In fact,much as i don’t like them I accept video games as a new form of entertainment/hobby that is part of the twenty first century. It is likely here to stay, though the damage is huge.</p>

<p>So…I like the idea of taking the door off, and thought about it myself earlier…I called a handyman who said he might be able to swing by later this week. I so badly want to treat him like an adult, to give him the room to make intelligent and responsible decisions but I dont’ think he poccesses the maturity it requires to do this at this time, sadly.
I just feel so depressed over this, it is so hard to keep a straight face when I am talking to people or friends about this, I am not one to open up the way some do and am an incredibly private person. It gives me comfort to have the kind and reassuring voices I have found here.</p>

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<p>ctmomof3, you are doing the best you can for your whole family. It might be helpful to attend an Al-anon meeting, which helps address the pain of those who love people who are addicted to alcohol. Although that substance is not your S’s addiction, the advice and comfort provided really can apply to all who face addictions in family members. [Welcome</a> to Al-Anon and Alateen](<a href=“http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html]Welcome”>http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html) </p>

<p>It must be very hard on you and your family to see your dreams for this son interrupted at this point in his life by this problem, but like others here on cc, I applaud you facing it right now and offering a boy who is also suffering (whether he realizes it or wants to face it) a way out of his pain.</p>

<p>I wish you good luck.</p>

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<p>goshh video games are so stupid. theyre like drugs and should be outlawed</p>

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<p>What do you think of counseling? If he has lost interest in doing things that formerly made him happy he may be depressed and masking it/self medicating so to speak with the Halo playing. Escapism takes many forms. I am sure there are adolescent psychologists our there who are specialists in this relatively new addiction. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and I wish you nothing but luck and happy endings.</p>

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<p>Oh, ctmom, I am so sorry! You have been through so much, and it must be so hard to see it starting again. You absolutely did the right thing by taking the xbox out of the house. </p>

<p>There are some good suggestions here already. I’d add a suggestion to call on that male relative (uncle?) who was so helpful last time. Could he come to visit for a while? Other relatives? You need someone else in the house to help take the burden off you. </p>

<p>I am wondering whether it might be good for your S to get away somewhere - a long NOLS outdoor program, Outward Bound, Habitat for Humanity. I realize that this isn’t possible until school is over.</p>

<p>I’m also wondering whether he is in danger of not graduating, with all those absences. </p>

<p>I remember that he was seeing a therapist before. Is he still going? If not, could he start again?</p>

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<p>Hi to all my old friends, I wish we didn’t have to meet up again under THESE circumstance but nonetheless its good to hear from you…well I did contact the asst. principle and the dean of students, both whom were very kind and receptive to my enlisting their help in helping to instill some fear of his actions in my son, one of the few things he actually really responds to. In addition the xbox will remain out of our house,he can rant and rave all he wants, swear up and down, threaten to do anything he wants, I will not bulge, the year I have gone through I do not wish upon my worst enemy and frankly I cannot stand the thought of living with this sickness one more day, because I am starting to feel like my own mental health will get compromised, plus we have two younger children to think about and it really bothers them as well to see this go on.
Will keep you posted, I am much more assertive with my actions THIS TIME AROUND as I have learned a few lessons…will keep you posted. Will look into some therapy and totally agree that some time away would be an awesome idea and just today started looking for some opportunities.
Thank you once again.</p>

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<p>ctmomof3, I don’t have any advice. I did want to let you know that at Christmas time, I discovered my S playing WOW. Someone had given it to him for his birthday (in Sept) but he was only then getting around to subscribing - he’d just sent in his first payment. I made him read your thread. He was initially defensive “I know lots of kids who play who aren’t addicted” etc. I told him I just wanted him to be aware. (I also pointed out that we were paying a heck of a lot for his tuition, and making a certain number of sacrifices for him, and I was a bit offended that the best thing he could think to do with “his” money was game. I can lay the guilt on with the best of them.) A couple days later he cancelled his subscription. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story and let you know it made a difference here.</p>

<p>Best wishes that this gets under control soon and your family gets back to normal.</p>

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<p>CTmom my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Would it help you to research about the obsession/addiction your son is experiencing? I have not heard of these games, but I know poker seems rampant with kids. There is a support group for families of those with gambling problems - Gam anon I think it is called… I don’t know if this is appropriate for your familiy’s issue now. Please don’t allow yourself to become isolated because of your son’s problem. I wish you well and please let me know if I can find out any info for you.</p>

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<p>Your son has a generally addictive personality, meaning he’s incredibly susceptible to anything that has the potential of addiction, i recognize because I have one too. Its important to let him no about this so he is especially careful about even experimenting with alcohol and drugs. </p>

<p>Honestly, the only way i can think of is to be incredibly strict. Only 1 hour a day of any of those things. If he violates it, take it away like a day for every 30 minutes over, but you have to follow through. You also can’t let him keep those things in his room, put it in a family room, somewhere where using it requires he be around other people, and it would be obvious if he was using it at night. </p>

<p>Its very important that you force him to regulate this before his addiction branches out into something much more self-destructive. </p>

<p>I myself have had to break the WOW addiction and it was not easy. But the best way i found was to stay busy. Make him join a sport or get a job, idle-hands=death for people battling addiction.</p>

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<p>I believe I posted my sons Halo vs WOW review on your last thread, and to me it made sense that Halo seems easier to Stop. Months ago I shewed your concerns but I’m pleased to say my son is outside playing basketball and is writing a sitcom with someone he met on Halo/ X box live. I don’t think it’s JUST the game. Still, good grades are good sign, one I don’t think my son has(… his sister made school or maybe parenting seem sort of easy.) He does spend some time on homework but your son sounds more motivated for academic success.</p>

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<p>If your son is leaving home soon, you need to realize that you won’t have any control over how much he plays games and what he does with his time. It’s really his decision. By forcing him to stop playing now, you’ll likely just push him to play more when he has more freedom come fall.</p>

<p>He’s not going to stay addicted to Halo forever. Let it pass, it’s likely just a phase. The school year will be over soon anyway, he’ll go off to college, and likely stop playing.</p>

<p>This is just the opinion of a college freshman whose own parents were concerned about WOW in high school.</p>

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<p>I don’t want to start a flame war here, but wow… just wow…</p>

<p>That is a sadly ignorant statement.</p>

<p>EDIT:
OK, after reading some of the responses here, I think that many parents have the point of view that video games are <em>EVIL</em>, a waste of time, and generally a pointless endeavor. I think that this view, while certainly applicable in certain circumstances, is often times over reactive and inaccurate.</p>

<p>Imagine for a moment that a senior often stays up until the early hours of the morning, doesn’t seem to care much about schoolwork, and prefers to spend long hours with friends instead of family. Is this not a pretty reasonable and normal thing? I believe it has a name: senioritis.</p>

<p>What those who grew up before video games don’t understand, is that video games are a social tool as well as an outlet for creativity, frustration, and stress. It can certainly be argued that playing Halo with friends is no different from a mix of jamming out some music with them, playing soccer with them, and talking with them. Just because you don’t play games doesn’t mean they’re without merit!</p>

<p>I agree that too much of a good thing can be harmful. If his gaming is affecting other aspects of his life, then yes, it is certainly a problem. The question is, how much of a tolerance do you have for a bit of harm? Personally, for a senior in his last semester who has already received acceptances to college, I would cut the guy some slack. He has a few more months of being a kid who can play games, I’d let him enjoy them. If he’s going to be addicted to something, better Halo than drugs, alcohol, or unprotected sex, right? (or worst of all, television!)</p>