<p>Entadus: lol…um…uh…I was exagerrating…just a little</p>
<p>Here is some history</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/429622-help-my-son-might-addicted-warcraft-i-need-advice-asap.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/429622-help-my-son-might-addicted-warcraft-i-need-advice-asap.html</a></p>
<p>Here’s the part about Halo, but it wasn’t from me…</p>
<p>MMORPG" stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. Games such as World of Warcraft and Everquest fall under this genre. The link above is an interesting read for parents who wonder what the appeal of these games is.</p>
<p>Xbox Live is multiplayer and online, but generally games only last for twenty minutes or so. This allows for bursts of playing time rather than a solid six hour sit down. Of course, there are always kids who take it too far, but the same can be said of anything. Some kids study too much, have no social life, and suffer for it.</p>
<p>Games like Halo, Halo 2 and Halo 3 for the Xbox and Xbox 360 have become very popular. Actually, Halo has become sort of a culture in itself. For some it becomes a master status, such as “Jock” or “Preppie” or “Halo player.” The same is true of World of Warcraft [WoW]. There are often tournaments held on campuses. Overall, I’d say it’s less ‘insidious,’ (I use this term a little tongue-in-cheek) and probably not worth worrying about unless the student becomes generally apathetic and grades fall.</p>
<p>The problem, if I had to sum it up, is that these games are just more fun (and who doesn’t like to have fun?) than studying, writing essays and going to class. I know a kid who [semi-jokingly] said that WoW was his primary life, and “real life” was his backup for when he got bored with WoW. For some people this is probably more true than they are willing to admit.</p>
<p>Online games also are competitive. It can be very satisfying to beat out your friends, or even trash-talking strangers. I’ve seen people’s blood pressure to go 200, bloodshot eyes, red in the face, throw controllers at the TV or the wall, etc. when defeated in these games by someone they may not even know. There is an element of pride to it, although it means little in the “real world.”</p>
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<p>Fixed.</p>
<p>The hypocrisy of so the older generation can be astounding. It’s understandable, considering video games are very new. However people should not be judging something that they have no personal experience with.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the OP’s original World of Warcraft post although I plan to. </p>
<p>I have come up against similar issues with my own sons. DS1 is a junior in HS and is addicted to WoW. The pros that I see of this game are that it helps develop skills of critical thinking, strategy, teamwork, negotiations, and opens up the possibility of communicating with people around the world. The negatives are that the game is deliberately designed to suck up more and more of the players’ time the higher they go in level. My son’s grades have dropped and he spends every moment he can online. I’ve banned WoW completely on school days; at this point he can only play on weekends. The nice thing about this is that DS1 has accepted this and is a pleasure to be around without the distractions of WoW.</p>
<p>DS2, a sophomore in HS, is a Halo II player. He loves it and plays with kids from his school who he otherwise doesn’t socialize with. He doesn’t have the addictive personality of DS1, and so DS2’s game time is manageable. He plays in the evenings, but generally does homework first, and is willing to stop playing Halo in favor of more active alternatives (tennis, soccer, going to the gym, etc). </p>
<p>In my experience, it’s the kids with addictive personalities who get caught up in video/computer games and have difficulties regulating themselves. I don’t have a perfect solution for the OP, but I certainly sympathize with her frustration and agree that she did the right thing by taking the game console away completely from her son.</p>
<p>WoW is catching the attention of epidemiologists who use it to study behavior: [Learning</a> About Disease From the World of Warcraft | Wired Science from Wired.com](<a href=“http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2007/08/learning-about-.html]Learning”>http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2007/08/learning-about-.html)</p>
<p>In addition, it’s being noticed by business writers, although I don’t have a link handy.</p>
<p>Great post, vballmom!</p>
<p>how about you just calm down, if it’s not having any huge effects on his life in harmful ways then just let him have fun. It’s a video game for christ sakes, ur taking it too seriously</p>
<p>Posters should really refer to the OP’s previous thread if they’re not already familiar with it. WOW very recently did have huge negative effects on the OP’s son’s life and the lives of family members, to the extent that the OP, his mother, no longer felt safe in his presence and the game was completely taking over his life at the cost of his relationships with friends and family members and his own self-care. The boy has admitted in the past that his gaming is a problem. These games are a problem for this boy. An addiction is an addiction, even if most people don’t experience problems with the activity (such as addictions to gambling or exercise).</p>
<p>Binx, glad I could help you, it makes me feel great to know I was instrumental in helping someone avoid the catastrophe we had to deal with, and I don’t use that word lightly, believe me. Shrinkrap thanks for posting the original thread because I think for someone to read that truly helps to crystallize the problem I am once again having. Corranged thanks for clarifying what is going on there. This is not merely enjoying a game, this is someone who has an addictive nature to his personality getting involved with something that he obviously cannot sit down and play for an hour or two, it has to be a marathon of 6, 7 or 10 hours! As I said as of now the system is gone, he was aspiring to a level 50, if that means anything to anyone. He said he was on 41, he is very goal driven and maybe has a slight trace of OCD so he felt he had "to finish the job’ but it was too gut wrenching for me as his mother having experienced this already to watch him go down the same horribly destructive path.
As I have said previously, I don’t’ know much about this game, I was told its not nearly as addicting and isn’t’ made up the same way as WOW, in that normally someone doesn’t want to play for more than an hour or two, not the case here. IF and its a big If, he had maintained his friendships out of school, taken the many girls who have wanted to hang out with him’s offers, maintained some involvement in a job or outside activity, gym, sports,etc…showed enthusiasm or motivation to do other things, maybe this wouldn’t’ be have been taken so hard, but to see again everything put to the wayside for a game again felt like the nightmare returned…it was downright scary.
I feel it much easier this time around to emply the “tough love” approach believe me; he may threaten to do this or that, call me names, whatever he wants to do but in the end I know he will not do it. I simply cannot allow it to go on. As with warcrat, after he “detoxed” he admitted it was such a waste of time, that he can’t believe he spent as much time as he did playing,etc…the idea here is he will be bored and seek outside activities, I know it will eventually happen. To any of you who cannot relate to this, and are not understanding what the harm is in playing a game,when you are talking about someone who has become withdrawn and has immersed himself into video games for rediculous hours during the day;there is indeed a problem and if its not stopped and controlled now, he will not be able to handle himself in college.
Caki, you are obviously a kid/student, we are way past the point of calming down Before you make such a vague and somewhat ignorant statement, you should read the history and understand the depth to this problem first. I know you meant no harm but this is not casual game playing.
I truly find comfort in your words, its like online therapy; and at this point is really great for me to be able to log on and read your advice, all of it very good. It really makes things concrete for me and more than anything totally validates my thoughts of the “tough love” approach.</p>
<p>I can totally relate. DS loves WOW and we have gone through much of what you describe and the effects on siblings and family dynamics. One thing that helps us is a program called “Time Control” by KidsWatch parental computer control. It sets up accounts for all users. You can control amount of time/week, day, per program for each user. Can block websites etc. Have a “homework account” that doesn’t allow any games and blocks some internet sites (though this is not as easy as it could be…). This was relatively cheap-$30-50. Well worth it. Just shuts the computer off when limit is reached or time of day. You ahve got to try it. Think they have trial offer…</p>
<p>Our S was mad, threatened not to do work, etc, etc, etc. Lasted about 2 days and never acutally sabotaged his own school work depsite his threats. Just need to remain strong and have NO reaction. I think there are different components to treating this problem, but first, you have to get them off the computer. Then you can start working on ways to deal with addiction. Like alcohol, drugs, they need to detox first before they can be rationale. Overtime, our S seems to be better and realizes what he misses in the family now that we have gottern off the computer. Then you need to provide and insist on doing family activities, dinner etc to learn that life without the computer is fun too. You must be strong and unwavering.</p>
<p>We aren’t sure what will happen next year at school. S assures us he wants to be social and get involved in activites on campus. We have tried to show him the right path.</p>
<p>I posted on the older thread about Al-Anon, and I agree with the post above about attending meetings. In many ways, you are powerless over his gaming. With alcohol, you can pour it down the drain, outaw it from the house etc, but someone with a drinking problem will still find a way to drink. You can take his gaming systems away, but he can find a way to do it at friends’ houses, and eventually away at school. There are many parallels with different addicitions. Ultimately, only he can control HIS problem. He may have to hit bottom to gain a grasp of the control it has over him. </p>
<p>Very tough problem. Counseling and meetings for YOU and your family are called for. Setting ground rules for when he is home make sense. When he goes away to school, setting ground rules before he goes about what grades he needs to maintain for you to continue to pay for tuition/room/board or car/insurance etc. When he falls below the bar you set, or when he flumks out, there will be consequences. And only when HE grasps the full extent of how he had fallen and what he has to do to get back up, will he be able to try to find the self-control needed to participate in life rather than in gaming. Maybe he can make it work, maybe not. He will have to find out. He has to figure out step one (that he is powerless over the gaming) and so do you (that you are powerless to control HIS gaming.) </p>
<p>Man of us have had to deal with a very close family member with an addiction. It is tough. It can be done. BUt you have to learn and focus on yourself first and foremost. My husband used to say that Al-anon meetings lasted longer than AA meetings because enablers and co-dependents were “sicker” than those drinking.</p>
<p>It is not your fault, you did not cause this, and you are a good mom. Look for counseling for you first, to help you learn how to cope in a way that will ultimately help, rather than in a way that will push him away.</p>
<p>The “Time Control” software can be downloaded from their web site (but spend the extra for the disc to be sent, then install on other computers).</p>
<p>[Computer</a> software, parental control software, website blocker, internet blockers, safe internet surfing](<a href=“kidswatch.com”>http://www.kidswatch.com/)</p>
<p>This is not a cure, but it does help initally with controlling the computer at home until other work/therapy gets done. It is such a relief for the rest of the family to at least gain this degree of control. The reality is is that the kids do need a computer to do homework, at least with this, they can do their homework on the homework account with out access to games or blocked internet sites. Then you can deicide how much “free” time is allowed and when the computer shuts off. Ultimately, I agree, it will be up to the individual, but at first, you need a little help until they get it.</p>
<p>Have you looked into Online Gamers Anonymous (Google “olganon”). I think it might be helpful here.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Hi thanks for the above tips, definitely looking into them ASAP. Today was actually a decent day, I “tested” him and gave it to him for 45 minutes, I said if that controller is not in my hands in 45 min. its gone for good. My jaw dropped when 45 min. later he came with it in hand. We have disconnected his internet so he cannot play online with others, which I have read is the more addicting version. He is now doing homework and we actually had a sitdown family dinner tonight. He reached out to a few old friends, A LOT happened today, and this was for me a major victory. Tomorrow is a new day and I am not so silly as to think this is gone…but I feel like he is recoginizing my new sense of empowerment and how resolute I am in not allowing this to progress as the other situation did. I offered tonight to get him therapy, he said he feels pretty happy, recognizes it was out of control and wants to “turn the corner”. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words, I will believe it when I see it…baby steps, I keep telling myself!
Thank you, will keep you posted.</p>
<p>i’m not one to get addicted to games much. and when i do enjoy something it usually lasts a while only before it goes away. by that i mean a couple of days. i’ve seen what games like WoW, Halo, etc can do to some friends. To each his own I suppose. what i found weird is that he was keeping up his grades and yet was being punished. my mom from very early on when i was a kid always gave me as much freedom as long as i brought home good grades from school. the OP’s son most likely won’t have an easy time in his first year because no matter what he’ll still have that urge to keep playing. and some students in college can play all day without regards to their classes. procrastination isn’t a bad thing. some people work their best when they procrastinate. that’s how i work the best anyways.</p>
<p>While these episodes of addiction to one game or another are obviously a problem for your son, you would do well to think about the long term consequences of his behavioral tendencies. You won’t be able to control him forever, so when the next medium of addiction is presented to him, be it alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling, or a different game, what is going to happen? I don’t have a readily available answer, but it’s something to consider.</p>
<p>Ugh… I’m so, so sorry to hear this is an issue for you again. Not totally surprised, but very sorry. As has been said so far in the thread, it sounds like your son has an extremely addictive personality; after this crisis has been averted, I think some kind of counseling to help him come to the realization that he needs to work especially hard to govern himself would be warranted. Though I hesitate to say this, it is very fortunate that it is video games, and not drugs that your son has fallen into addiction for.</p>
<p>As for specifics of this now, I cannot say I have many suggestions to offer that have not already been offered. All I can suggest is that you keep yourself absolutely firm on the consequences of his actions, whatever those might be, and make it very clear to him that an increasing degree of latitude will only be granted to him when he demonstrates he is ready for it, however long that might be. That’s the approach my parents used when I misbehaved (though it was never anything more than little minor things), and it works well - consistency is key.</p>
<p>To the person who said they don’t understand why he is being punished as long as his grades are up. Well his grades are decent, A’s and B’s, at the end of a day he does get things done but its the quality of the work and lack of work ethic that is bothersome HOWEVER it is much less to do with his grades and more to do with his socialization skills and overall interest in outside life beyond the game. When I see that anything so distracts him from everything else, my personal radar says that is not healthy. I will not speak too soon but yesterday was a very good day, he got a haircut, shaved (after letting his hair grow far too long) he looked great. He reached out to some friends that he hasn’t connected with in a very long time and having been mentally exhausted from the previous day, it was a tiny breath of fresh air. We disconnected his internet but he asked me if he could play without itd for 45 min. My husband thought if we give him that chance to be honorable to give the controller back in 45 min. and he does it, it shows we are willing to work with him and can still believe in him and it respects his desire to play in A SMALL DOSE. So he brought the game home, he played for the alloted time and that was it. If only every day in my life could go so smoothly. I had two people at school speak to him and it well very well. He did tell one he is anxious and a little nervous about going away to school and maybe that is why he threw himself into these games, a diversion but in his mind, everything seems to go a littel more extreme. That said, I am taking this one day at a time. He was going to sleep at rediculous hours, the last two nights be was in bed by 11. Again you have no idea how normal things felt yesterday. I literally forgot what that word it.
I think for someone unfamiliar with addiction or addictive tendancies, it may seem like I am being harsh…believe me, I know what I am dealing with and in my heart know I am doing the right thing by policing this situation.
I have spoken to him about addressing the addictive nature of his personality and we agreed that he will see a therapist. So things are moving in a positive direction and believe me at the time I wrote the original post five or so days ago, things seemed very dire indeed. I am feeling a little better about the scenario now and will certainly keep you posted.</p>
<p>Good Luck ctmomof3! I think if you and your husband can stand united and firm it will really help. Having been through this (and still working on it), our experience was that like most addicts, they can be “good” for a while to pass the test…but slip up and return to previous behavior if allowed. Give an inch, and they will take a mile. Be careful, because these kids are very savy at finding ways to bypass your roadblocks parental control programs and reconnect computers while you are not looking or away. So, stick to the rules you and your husband has set up and do not waver. Then give lots of positive feedback for the good things he is doing.</p>
<p>To the person who felt that as long as someone keeps up their grades then they do not have a problem is off base. It is fairly accepted that many kids in high school know that they can usually hide their substance abuse problems from their parents as long as they keep up their grade. They fly under the radar detector.</p>
<p>ctmomof3-</p>
<p>I posted in your earlier thread about having cancelled my freshman son’s WOW account. He, too, is now playing Halo, and although it doesn’t seem quite as bad, it still prevents him from socializing. Last weekend he even refused to go to the shooting range with his friend!</p>
<p>I completely agree with you that even if his grades are acceptable, the isolation and aggressive attitude is concerning. We are dragging our son to the mountains this weekend to try to force him to spend time with us. :D</p>
<p>I really don’t have any more advice… just want you to know you are not alone.</p>
<p>cgarrett, thanks, it certainly is comforting to know there are many households dealing with what I am dealing with, but I nevertheless feel badly that anyone has to deal with this. Last night and today was really rough…two steps forward, one step back. I know every day needs to be taken one step at a time, I will not back down but totally need my husband to present a united front and with his crazy hours, he is often not around so its a tough battle to fight alone. Now that spring has finally arrived in CT. and I feel the warm air creeping in, and the flowers starting to bloom,etc…it breaks my heart to see any kid inside on such a beautiful day. I had a death in our family recently so I have been sidetracked but this weekend, we are having a “family meeting” to explain our expectations now and during the summer which does NOT include sitting around playing Halo!! To be continued…</p>