I really need to know if I'm the only one terrified of the end stages of life

Parent Cafe
81

I find it interesting that no one has mentioned religion or faith in this thread.

I am afraid to die, also. It’s the not knowing that scares me - what will my children be doing; will they need anything I could have helped them with; will they have children and if so, how will they turn out; who will become the next president; will our country be okay. So much I won’t know. The fact that I won’t know I missing anything somehow never comforts me.

All these feelings, at the same time that I think I believe in heaven. I’m not sure though.

When my mother was dying, she told me that we didn’t understand heaven. She said heaven is always pictured as fluffy white clouds, shining halos and angels with white feathered wings. She said if God truly created heaven it will be vibrant with deep rich soil and flowers in jewel colors, filled with laughter and all the people and pets we’ve ever loved.

82

I think of heaven as a place to re-tool, get ready to come back better. Pleasant days with a purpose. An odd way of thinking, maybe. The idea of my death bothers me less than making sure there’s something good to remember. This may also sound odd, but doing some genealogy helped, going back much further than the names at the tip of family tongues, claiming the line, the continuity.

83

@baseballmom Thank you for that beautiful post.

84

I was with my mom as she died. It’s not the being dead I worry about, it’s the decline. My mom was very happy and calm as she told me she saw Jesus in the hallway. I turned and looked and the hallway was empty.

85

@sax …I feel the exact same way. It makes me feel terrible to leave my kids, I worry about them.

86

@hayden, that may be what makes me rage the most about dying – missing out on how everything turns out! Scientific discoveries, ups and downs of my descendants lives, not yet released books in series, outcome of future Michigan-OSU games, human colony on Mars – can’t stand the idea of missing it all.

87

@intparent ,so then I’m not the only one who can’t stand the idea of missing out. I was watching a show last night about the British royal family, and it occurred to me that there’s a pretty good chance I won’t be around to see Kate as queen, and that disappoints me.

88

Hey, some days that is what keeps me going on exercise, to think I might get a little extra time for all those things. :slight_smile: Some people have a specific goal (weddings, grandchildren, etc.) Of course those are major things for me, but the rest of the world and how it turns out – some days that keeps me going in a workout or gets me out the door for a walk on a rainy day!

89

Reading this thread has got me thinking. I have been the only parent in dd life. She is an only child. Will she feel lonely and is there someone she can turn to when I’m gone. Tomorrow I’m supposed to call the doctor about some test results and I hope I am fine. I don’t want to waste my savings on health issues but would rather save it for her future. It inspires me to keep going and not make excuses to not take better care of myself. I don’t want to be a burden on her as she gets older. I hope to have stamina and strength and be able to manage daily tasks on my own without assistance. We don’t really know what tomorrow has in store for us. When I’m gone I don’t want her to be sad but to have good memories of the time we spent together. I want to give her some financial security. (emergency funds for a rainy day) Whatever I have is all for her.

90

Baseball mom, your post touched me. Thx

91

The whole issue of facing our mortality is hitting home now. When we were young, we knew intellectually that we could die young of disease or accident, but we knew that statistically our chances of doing so were fairly small. And dying at 75, 80, or beyond just didn’t make an impact in our daily attitude; or least it didn’t penetrate mine. Until the love of my life died very suddenly, violently, and tragically when I was 21. Talk about being slapped in the face with reality.

Now I, and many of my friends and family members, are in our 50s and beyond, and we are realizing that time is ticking away in a more significant way. It’s hard to totally conceive of dying, whether or not you believe in life after death or whether you believe that once you die, that is it. Personally, when I think of the possibility of dying being the end, I wonder “then what is the POINT?!!” Frankly, it hurts me more to think of my children being gone forever than it does to consider my own cessation of being/consciousness.

In my career as an RN, I’ve had patients who arrested and were revived tell me of their “after life” experiences. These stories have some consistent similarities, and they comfort me.

I had a patient who arrested at a local restaurant in Dallas, right across the street from a major medical center. He said that everyone apparently thought someone else had called 911, but no one had. Two nurses from that local hospital were eating lunch there that day, and they initiated CPR. He was down for over 15 minutes before EMS arrived. He told me that he had a full blown “near death experience.” He went through a tunnel, into an amazing blazing light, and met a being who filled him with love. “Imagine the strongest feelings of love, peace, euphoria, etc., you’ve ever experienced, and multiply it times one million. That’s what it felt like to meet the being.” WOW.

He told me he had been raised Southern Baptist, “but they got a lot of it wrong.” I said, “What did they get wrong?” He replied, “Well, first of all, everyone goes to Heaven.” I blurted out “What?! Even murderers and child molesters?!” He said, “Yes, even them.” He told me that even though he has no fear of death, even of disability and pain, he still wants to live as long as possible and maximize his human potential. He told me that when he was with “the being,” he learned that the point of life is to “love and learn.” Period. It’s not to be Mother Theresa, although that’s fine, but the purpose of life is to love and learn.

Food for thought, no?

92

Yes OB, so much so that I avoided this thread and have not read it all the way through. I am in my sixties and have lost both parents and an older sister( last Oct.).

Although both H and I feel fine today, it could literally change tomorrow. And that scares me. So, as others have said in my brief glance, that is why we are trying to live MORE now. Weekends away, traveling, and planning a sooner rather than later retirement. We have certainly not hated our work, but the crap that comes up now becomes more annoyining and less important.

I would, like the rest of you I assume, to die in my sleep at a nice old age of 85-90 or later. And of course, my H and I are dying together maybe holding hands! No, him rubbing my back! Haha. But how will it really happen? That, of course is the unanswerable question.

And, btw, this has nothing to do with ones faith, IMO. IOW, it has nothing to do with your belief, or not, in the afterlife.

93

My mom passed away recently, and I think my dad had no expectation that she would go first. He had it all laid out for himself (super organized, both have wills, etc), talked about where she would live, etc. It is pretty important to be prepared either way for a couple, I think.

94

My mother is more than 7 years younger than my dad, but even so she is in her early 80s now. She knows that although she is generally healthy, anything could happen to her at any time, but her greatest fear is of leaving my dad alone. He relies on her completely for his care, and she is afraid that if she were to die outside the home, he will never know what happened to her and would be confused and afraid. That makes me really sad to even write, much less think about! In any case, the good news is that it has prompted them to finally get one of those medical alert systems that works using GPS while outside the home, and reverts to a regular in-home system when they get back to the house. This way if something happens to her elsewhere, the people who monitor those things can contact my sister or me to let us deal with our dad. But back to the topic at hand, it’s interesting how a lot of folks’ main concern isn’t themselves, it’s leaving other vulnerable people behind!

95

One thing I find so spine tingling is touching the generations. My mom remembers her granddad vaguely. He was born in 1840. I am going to have a grandchild in 2016, that is a span of 176 years! I feel like I touched the past through her and the future now through my grandchild. It’s amazing really. And I appreciate it.

96

When I had my daughter my great great grandmother was alive. My wish was to have a picture of five generations together but with them being abroad that was not possible. I hope my parents get to see my daughter married and having a child.

97

@VaBluebird, I know what you mean! I remember my grandfather, and he was born in 1887! We talked to a tour guide at Gettsyburg who was elderly. He said when he was young, he knew a woman who lived through the battle.

Both my grandfather and great grandfather were in their 50s when they had their kids. So it was my grandfather’s grandfather who brought more people to Texas from Tennessee than anyone other than Stephen F. Austin. I discovered that recently on a random Google search. My mom didn’t even know!

98

@Nrdsb4 …wow…thank you for sharing that! I always become more content hearing stories of an afterlife. I have to say that does bother me that the evil people don’t have to pay some penance. I’ve often wondered if we haven’t learned enough on this earth, then we get recycled until we do. Then we get to stay in heaven.

I find that I’m having to really say now…no more waiting, we are taking that vacation! I have to remind DH. I’m planning a mini break and he said, that’s 3 days off of work. I said “who cares, were in the last 1/3 of our lives”. That always makes us stop and think.

99

What happens after we die:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2008/feb/16/healthandwellbeing.weekend2

100

Wow @Nrdsb4 - thank you very much for #90.