I look at my dad’s 4 year decline and death from metastatic prostate cancer and cancer of unknown primary origin as a blessing. He had been a horrible dad, and had those years to make amends, ask for forgiveness, and make peace with his family and his maker. Only the last 6 months were dreadful, but I know he was grateful even for those. All but one of my brothers was able to forgive him, and even the one holdout is really trying to do so now.
I don’t fear death, but like everyone else, I prefer not to dwell on the inevitable losses of age (and at 53, my formerly athletic body is feeling its years). I take comfort in my faith and in the knowledge that like us, God himself hates death and suffering.
Beyond frustrating… i am 53 as well, and every time I feel like I am starting to get back into something resembling shape (other than round), I injure something. Back, knee, ankle, shoulder – no matter how slowly I ease into increasing my workouts or how carefully I cross train or how much I stretch or whatever – something “breaks” every time. Grr… I want to have healthy habits, I do!
@VaBluebird - I feel much the same way. When our family visited Gettysburg recently, I was able to tell my daughter, that she knows someone (her grandmother) who knew her great grandmother who lost her first husband in the Civil War. These stories link us to our past.
The other night, I was having my not-unusual dream about some bad man chasing me and my not being able to run away from him. In my sleep, I started yelling, “No! No!!” Help me! Help me!!" DH came running (he was reading in another room), made sure I was all right, and we had a good laugh about it the next morning.
Here’s my fear: This happens to me when I’m 95 and in a nursing home, and they decide I’m delusional, tie me to the bed with restraints, and start injecting me with Haldol.
I have to say that at the hospital, we often see what we call the “Help me Help Me’s.” They will call for help. You go into their room. Nurse: “What’s wrong?” Patient: “Nothing.”
A few minutes later: Patient: “Help me! Help me!” Nurse: “What’s the matter?” Patient: No response.
A little while later: Patient: “Help me! They’re trying to kill me! Get me outta here!” Nurse: “What’s wrong?” Patient: “I don’t know. Get me outta here.” Nurse: “Where do you want to go?” Patient: shrugs.
And on and on…
My mom started saying this towards the end of her life. She could never verbalize what was wrong. She wanted “outta here,” but she was at home. It was frustrating and depressing. Sometimes I pray that if nothing else, I don’t become one of the Help Me Help Me’s.
At the rate he is going with the writing of his Song of Ice and Fire series, I figure that either he will die before he finishes writing it or I will die before he finishes writing it and therefore I will not get to read it. One or the other seems inevitable. In either case, I will never know how it turns out.
In heaven (or the next realm), you can chat with him about it, or if you happen to die before him, you can read it in heaven/next realm, if you’re not otherwise occupied.
@Nrdsb4 - Interesting. I never heard this during the hours I spent with my parents during their terminal illnesses, even though at times they were in lots of obvious pain while waiting for morphine to arrive. But, I was one of those women who screamed that I wanted to go home, when I was in the labor room.
When my non-verbal autistic S has been on the verge of a seizure (under control for several years at this point), it has often seemed as if he is searching for a “way out” of where he happens to be.
Aside from fear of pain, I am worried about getting early dementia and making some very poor financial and/or medical treatment decisions that seriously jeopardize our family’s financial well-being, before anyone realizes that something is amiss and that I need to transfer power of attorney.
I also worry about running out of money, or losing all our savings to end of life medical care that I cannot refuse, and that provides no benefit.
Yes, @Marian – he futzed around for several years (even before the TV series started taking his time, too). Every time I see a picture of him I think he looks unhealthy, and that he will probably die before finishing the books. As someone who believes that when you die the lights go out, and there isn’t another realm, I am pretty sure none of us will ever know the end. But I’d put my money on the @MotherOfDragons.
It used to bother me a lot that George RR Martin would procrastinate so long that HBO would end up finishing the series for him. But I’ve believed since the beginning in a certain mother of dragons and a certain young man who is likely her cousin somehow and the rest I can imagine myself (or maybe we can start a thread with our imaginings since it starts up again soon).
Better for all that to happen than what happened to Harper Lee - her sister died and she was at the mercy of a new attorney and all sorts of things she would hate have been done to her work and estate.
“When I had my daughter my great great grandmother was alive. My wish was to have a picture of five generations together but with them being abroad that was not possible. I hope my parents get to see my daughter married and having a child.”
That’s 6 generations - right? Your d, you, your mother, your grandmother, your great grandmother, your great great grandmother. Wow!
My great grandmother was alive when my kids were born so that was 5 generations (my twins, me, my dad, my grandmother, my great grandmother). She died shortly thereafter and never saw them, but there’s a cute story - she was in a nursing home and my dad and I went to see her when I was pregnant. She was lucid some of the time but not always and often needed to be reminded who we all were and how we were related. My dad said something to the effect of “PG is going to have a baby and that will make you a great great great grandmother.” She said, “No, that will only make me a great great grandmother. Only 2 greats, not. 3. Don’t make me out to be an old lady!”
There is only one family member left on both sides of the previous generation for me. What hits me is how vibrant and fun my aunts and uncles were and how they are all gone now (except for the baby of the family). The cliche of how fast it all goes is so very true. I am torn between wanting to keep working, because I like what I do and also like the paycheck, but not putting off too many things that works makes more difficult. I am trying my hardest to stay healthy and active (at the gym classes with folks much younger than me!).
I am actually glad that, at least according to rumor, that GRR Martin told HBO the basic storyline as I can’t imagine him finishing the books any time soon or ever. He just can’t seem to help himself! Looking forward to April 24!
We have now four generations on my husband’s side as two nieces have had babies.
My kids have been very fortunate as all 4 grandparents are living, and they’ve known 4 of their great grandparents (one of whom is still living - my grandmother who will be 97 this year).
My kids have no memory of my paternal grandmother, who died when D was 1 and S was 3. H’s mom died the same year. H’s dad died when they were 6 and 8, after we had gone on a nice trip to Disneyland with him and my BIL and his 2 kids. My folks are still around, but starting to have age-related issues at 86 and 91. My kids have a lot more memories of my folks, as we did a lot of things with them.
Sadly, my kids have virtually no memories of their grandparents. The one who lived the longest was my father, who lived on the other coast and died when S1 was 12 and S2 was 8. S1 remembers him only slightly.
@pizzagirl Sorry, I believe I made a mistake. When my daughter was born almost 20 years ago my great grandmother and grandmother were alive. (5 generations) My mom and I are the eldest and my dd is my only child. My great grandmother passed away about four years ago and my grandmother just last year. So at this time there are three generations. (with lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins) My former inlaws and their family never met my dd and frankly it was their loss.
My mom became a grandmother in her late 40’s as she is 20 years older than me. About my age now. So at that time grandmom was in her upper 60’s and great grandmom in her 80’s. I really don’t want to think that far into my future. I feel the last 20 years flew by too quickly and I want to enjoy each and everyday. My inspiration to take care of my health is because I don’t want dd to feel like she has to take care of me.
@BunsenBurner I read the article you posted and I hope I don’t remember anything that was written. When it is time to go I hope it is me going to bed at night and just going to eternal sleep.
My parents just have one great grandchild and another is expected in May. They will likely never meet any kids my kids have, since mine aren’t in any serious relationships that we know of.
I’m the oldest left on my mom’s side of the family. Both of Mom’s parents, my mom, and my aunt are gone.
I am less worried about getting old and infirm than about keeling over one day and poof – gone, unfinished. DH will be a grouchy old man at the rate things are going.
^^ I hope I’m not irritable and cranky when I’m older. I want to be calm and peaceful and pleasant to be around. I wouldn’t want my family to dread a visit with me.
