<p>A 60 year old woman in our church choir died and Husband went to her memorial service. The brother of the deceased went up to the lecturn to eulogize her…and he brought his LAPTOP to the front of the church with him…he had his notes on the laptop, put it on the lecturn, scrolled down to read, etc. Isn’t giving your sister’s eulogy one place where a laptop really isn’t appropriate?</p>
<p>Definitely!</p>
<p>He should have used an iPhone.</p>
<p>The brother may have issues. He may be scared of talking in front of people. He may have had grief problems that made him want a crutch.</p>
<p>I went to a funeral on Saturday where the pastor took not 1, but 2, cellphone calls during the time the family was eulogizing their loved one! We were sitting near the back of the chapel, but, even at that distance, could hear the person on the other end of the phone! Does anyone have a sense of propriety anymore?</p>
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<p>That’s interesting. The rabbi at my boss’s brother’s funeral also took 2 cell phone calls while she was delivering the eulogy! What is going on there?</p>
<p>(He apologized much later after being confronted about it, citing “emergencies.” He was sitting at the very front, facing the mourners, so I can’t imagine what emergency required his attention via cell phone in the 2 hours the service was scheduled…)</p>
<p>I thought the annihilation of 100k+ people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a bit more horrific… oh well, to each their own.</p>
<p>In all seriousness though, there is nothing wrong with a laptop. If he took a piece of paper up with him to read from, nobody would have said anything. I don’t think the new generation has an issue with technology in odd places, and maybe he’s more in sync with them.</p>
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<p>I’m sure that it was an acute, ongoing emergency. </p>
<p>I don’t think that it is wrong to use notes to eulogize someone. But having a computer up there would have been distracting to me. Why didn’t he print them out?</p>
<p>If he had an emergency to handle, he should have left the room or told the caller he would return the call in 20 minutes. It’s inexcusable to take a cell phone call at a funeral service one is officiating as that is the job you are supposed to be doing at the time. A phone should either be on silent or off. It’s an insult to the person who died and to the loved ones – as if their grief is somehow less important than whoever is on the phone. What if it was a wedding he was performing? Should he take a call during the vows? I agree with Cleveland that propriety is sorely missing from our society. I recently read that actress Patti Lupone broke character in the middle of a Broadway play and screamed at the audience for their rude behavior. This was after 10 months where she felt every rude thing possible had happened during performances. I don’t really think she should have done that but the article said that audience members have no sense of propriety anymore (I think I actually read this on a CC thread that gave the link!) Printed notes are very acceptable and I can’t understand why the brother didn’t just print out his notes. Maybe he had no easy access to a printer. The cell phone thing is far worse in my opinion.</p>
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<p>You have a point here, mimk6. No minister would take a call while performing a wedding ceremony. And no minister would take a call while actually giving the eulogy. Obviously, he felt less compunction about taking a call when he was “merely” listening to a eulogy.</p>
<p>Having grown up in an era when cellphones and Blackberries didn’t exist, what is so all fired important about our lives that we need to be able to contact everyone else 24/7?</p>
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<p>Exactly. People seem to have no ability to wait anymore and no one seems to be able to distinguish between a truly important call and something that can clearly wait. I’m a therapist and in recent years I’ve been really surprised that people forget or choose not to turn off their phones while in session. Nothing is more jarring than to be in a quiet room having a very intense conversation and, suddenly, a phone goes off. I’ve heard educators complain about parents who interrupt conferences about their children to take calls – as if the educator’s time isn’t valuable or the fact that their kid is in trouble doesn’t warrant silencing their phone.</p>
<p>It all depends on the person. I don’t know any of my friends who would have their cell phones on during a funeral–or at least, we’d turn them on vibrate or silent.</p>
<p>I usually have my cell phone on vibrate during classes, in case someone in my family needs to get in touch with me in a hurry. But unless it is someone in my family I’m not expecting or if they call more than once, I don’t answer.</p>
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<p>This is such BS. Somehow civilization survived until close to the year the year 2000 without everyone being available for “emergencies” every minute of the day.</p>
<p>The cell phone examples in this thread are rude, but I have no objection to the laptop situation that started the thread.</p>
<p>That man giving his sister’s eulogy was facing an emotionally painful situation. If he was more comfortable reading his notes off of a laptop rather than a piece of paper – for whatever reason – that’s fine with me.</p>
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<p>Maybe it was, but the pastor was sitting facing the congregation during the 2 phone calls. Also, his daughter, the church’s assistant pastor, was there, so he could have given the calls to her to handle or asked her to continue the service while he left the room.</p>
<p>If it’s okay to read from notes, I don’t see the problem with reading from a laptop.</p>
<p>Yes, civilization survived without cell phones, Blackberries, etc, for a very long time, but civilization survived without any number of things for a very long time, and that doesn’t mean that those things are bad or that they aren’t useful.</p>
<p>That is a separate issue from people using useful technology in a rude manner.</p>
<p>In the case of the eulogy, while I think it would have been better if he’d printed the notes out - less obtrusive - I don’t think it’s so bad. It would have been bad if, say, he was sending instant messages to people while he delivered the eulogy.</p>
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<p>Interesting because the guy was at least 65 years old and the average age of those in attendance was probably 55 or 60. </p>
<p>The thing about the laptop is that the focus of the attention was “hey, that guy is bringing up a laptop” rather than what he was saying about his sister.</p>
<p>But answering a phone call?! Okay, that is much worse!!!</p>
<p>For the brother of the deceased, I’d say yes it’s uncommon and certainly unconventional. But I’d add that reasons others have suggested make it acceptable, assuming he isn’t considered some kind of trained speaker.
I would not expect a trained clergyman, or politician, or others trained and accustomed to public speaking to use a laptop.</p>
<p>Cell phones during a service? No way is that acceptable to me. From speakers or mourners or guests. If they are expecting a call so very urgent- then they need to wait outside for that call.</p>
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<p>I’m not saying cell phones are bad or not useful. I’m saying that they can and should be turned off in movies, shows, restaurants, church, synagogues, doctor’s offices, and classes.</p>
<p>The thing about taking a call while one is officiating at a service - what would be the outcome if the call WAS urgent? Would the minister/rabbi REALLY leave the service to be somewhere else? Other than a call that the room needed to be evacuated for health or safety reasons, what could be so urgent? If a loved one is on the brink of death, the minister or rabbi should ask someone else to handle the service.</p>