<p>@mathyone Parents knew, understood the motive and were very proud of the outcome.</p>
<p>Shame you? No. Figure out why you are so vested in this, yes.
Squandering potential? Is this based on opinion or testing? Lots of us see more in our kids than they are ready to take on, emotionally and intellectually. I’m trying to figure out where this is your job. Is there an assessment that suggests she could do better? Is there a disability that requires smaller classrooms or a different setting? Is there truly something wrong with the parents’ parenting? Or you just want to have a hand in her life? </p>
<p>If you have, perhaps, lurked on CC a while, you have to know many 9th graders are only just waking up. I did transfer hs in early 11th, do know how it can work well. But I don’t get what your are basing this on. And why.</p>
<p>So this issue obviously runs much deeper than going to a private vs public school.
If you’re bribing your niece to get involved, she’s not learning the right motivation to do well in anything. This has the potential to be detrimental in the long run. </p>
<p>How about instead of using money to get her to do what you want her to do, you encourage her to find her own passions and follow them? </p>
<p>I have been curious too about why you are so vested in this . I am beginning to feel guilty about all of this in regard to my own nieces and nephews. I ask them how’s school going and that’s about it! I do take an interest in them but could not imagine going to an administrator or guidance counselor to talk about them (as was suggested). I just don’t see that as my job, or my business.</p>
<p>“If you’re bribing your niece to get involved, she’s not learning the right motivation to do well in anything. This has the potential to be detrimental in the long run.” That is my feeling. </p>
<p>“So, niece of Aunt Julia, tell me about your school leadership position. Why did you run for student council?”</p>
<p>Does she lie now or not?</p>
<p>I do worry about my neices and nephews because I am the only person in the family with a higher education. But if your neice’s well-educated and well-adjusted (ie not cronically ill or drunk, etc) parents aren’t worried I would think my role would end with “sharing” some information (e.g. how much the price of college/how much harder admissions are now) rather than driving the process.</p>
<p>@lookingforward Are you suggesting there’s an ulterior motive in play? Are you implying merely helping family reach their potential isn’t good enough?</p>
<p>I’m a consultant. I get paid to analyze data and find solutions to problems. On a message board, I figured few have the attention span or care in a verbose breakdown of the data I’ve collected. Rest assured, I am 100% certain she’s falling well short of her potential. The change of scenery is to stoke character change; discipline, structure self reliance, etc. These are traits she has not developed at the public. If you think there’s still a chance to develop those at the public, please tell me how. I believe it’s wishful thinking that she’s going to wake up in September and do a 180 in the same environment. But at a private, she could certainly reinvent herself and prosper. Guaranteed? Of course not. Possible? I think so.</p>
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<p>She could say that her family believed in her leadership potential and encouraged her to apply. What’s wrong with that?</p>
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<p>Does the private school have open or rolling admissions? If not she’ll be applying this year for next, i.e., her 11th grade year.</p>
<p>You may also want to post your question in the prep school forum. Lots of experience there. </p>
<p>@sevmom “I have been curious too about why you are so vested in this.” I don’t believe writing a $10,000 check is much to ask. It’s family. And if it helps her blossom, it’s downright a steal. Please tell me the difference in lifetime earnings of a community college student versus a tier 1 university? Or what’s the price you put on your sister and BIL having a peaceful house without constantly being at odds with their underachieving daughter? Or how much merit money does a 26 ACT versus a 32 earn (or 3.2 to 3.8 GPA)? I could go on and on.</p>
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<p>This is from the Original Post, post #1. </p>
<p>The niece was adventurous enough to run for Student Council, despite the negative comments from her friends. </p>
<p>She already indicates she’s open to the idea of trying a new school.</p>
<p>Then why not see if the niece can try the new school for one year? If she likes it, she can stay, if she absolutely hates it, she goes back to her former school. This seems like a win-win situation. </p>
<p>I don’t really think that it would affect the GPA that much, and if she goes back to the public school, the GC LOR would explain the journey and the GPA.</p>
<p>Maybe at this point, it is time for Aunt Julia to initiate a very gentle discussion with sister to see if her sister is open to the idea, similar to the daughter. Perhaps the sister is also interested in having her daughter go to the private school, but perhaps she doesn’t want to outright bring up the subject with her sister Julia, due to the finances. A very gentle conversation, not negative in any way nor accusatory, might be a pleasant meeting of the minds. </p>
<p>I am guessing that if the niece was interested, after the initial conversation with her aunt at the reunion, the niece may have also discussed it with Mom. Maybe they are gelling on the idea and waiting for Aunt Julia to initiate a conversation. Or maybe the Mom considered it and doesn’t like the conversation. Either way, Aunt Julia can’t know unless she talks to her sister. </p>
<p>If the sister indicates positively to Aunt Julia, then maybe talk about next steps. However if the sister says no, then that is the answer and it has to end there. It all depends on whether the sister and BIL see it as a generous gesture or are not interested in the offer. </p>
<p>BTW, I don’t think it is out of the ordinary for a sibling to help her sibling with tuition or any other circumstances. In some families, that is what families do.</p>
<p>There is no guarantee, though, that her just moving to another school is going to solve anything. She already sounds like getting into a tier 1 university might be difficult. It’s really not the end of the world if she ends up at a slower pace or even has to start at a community college. My youngest was an underachiever in high school. All the nagging in the world didn’t help. I don’t think moving him to a private would have helped either. He just needed to get it together at his own pace. He did very well in college.He just needed more time. Does your niece know what an underachiever you think she is? How are you framing all of this to her?</p>
<p>I agree that is not out of the ordinary to help with tuition, busyperson. My own sister, who has no children of her own, helped my kids some with their tuition. But she did not get heavily involved with school choice, major,etc. Her main role has always been to be a supportive, generous aunt. And I have been very grateful for that.</p>
<p>Back in post#6 you asked this question.</p>
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<p>Unfortunately after reading through your postings I think the answer is yes, you are expecting a private to be your niece’s parent.</p>
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<p>“Well, to tell you the truth I didn’t have much confidence in myself, and my friends at that time made fun of people who participated in things like student government or athletics. But my Aunt Julia and my parents thought I had potential, and they bribed me with the promise of X to try. And I did, and I won. I have learned so much from that experience…<insert description=”" here=“”>…and I would never have had the courage to break away from the crowd and take that risk except for my Aunt Julia."</insert></p>
<p>Why do you keep pointing to me, when we’re all raising the same points??</p>
<p>Are you implying merely helping family reach their potential isn’t good enough? I don’t think you’ve lurked on CC or you would know how we respond to parents who insist their 9th grader take on more, usually so he can apply to an Ivy or Stanford/MIT. With little regard for his stage in life. One even explained how she helped him with his homework at an elite math camp, as an example of how her decision was right and he was able to keep up. Per that mom, she was just helping him reach his potential, which, to her, meant some college ideas.</p>
<p>Plenty of families think the kid’s performance is the school’s fault or the peers’. </p>
<p>Do you have testing that shows this girl needs more? Btw, you are not directly answering my questions. This is all cycling into deeper protests that you just have her prospects, as you see them, in mind, that you know what’s best for her. But life takes time.</p>
<p>If all agree and she can find a spot, fine by me. And if she doesn’t transfer, see how she does in honors classes. She likely won;t find a spot in July, for September/10th grade, so let her put some muscle into the tougher courses and see if that’s what this is about.</p>
<p>@Auntjulia - I am so proud of you. It seems like too many people here are trying to make this into a bad thing. Let me see if I understand.</p>
<p>You want a better opportunity for your niece and are willing to pay for the expense.
Your sister does not object to the idea.
Your BIL does not object to the idea.
Your Niece is interested?
You are not forcing anyone into anything, right?</p>
<p>So the only remaining facts I need are rooted directly in the schools in question. Not ‘some publics’ or ‘some Catholics’ or ‘some privates’. Make sure the school you choose is a great school.</p>
<p>As long as she is motivated to make the change, your niece has little to lose. (again, assuming that the school of choice is a great school) If she was really knocking out grades in tough courses and was in the top 5% or so of her current school, switching may be problematic.</p>
<p>If this motivates her to do better and it gets her away from unmotivated friends, all the better. Some seem to be missing the point that even if her GPA slips, she will learn the skills and behaviors needed to succeed at the next level.</p>
<p>You already have my vote for Auntie of the Year! The fact that you care enough to not simply voice your opinion or stick your nose into their business, but to lovingly offer your own resources to help your niece realize her potential. I am nearly tearing up here. </p>
<p>I sincerely hope this all works out great for all of you. </p>
<p>@lookingforward It is your opinion that public teachers of honors courses will show her more personal attention and stoke the same character change (e.g., discipline, work ethic) that I’m hoping for from the private? Or, would throwing her in advanced classes do nothing more than stain her GPA, while the public teachers let her get C-'s w/o teaching her to develop those skills needed (because we assume everyone in those classes already has the skill set)? While potentially a decent idea, the risk could be a student who still doesn’t cultivate the skills and ends up with a severely stained transcript, that can’t be justified with a “new school” excuse on a recommendation.</p>
<p>$10,000 check? Oh no @AuntJulia. Not at all. Private school isn’t a $10,000, one year commitment. If you are doing this, be prepared to pay for YEARLY tuition which could run up to $40k at the best schools. Not to mention additional fees that the parents wouldn’t otherwise pay if their daughter was in public school.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, and if she goes to a state school that isn’t good enough for you, make sure to have some saved up for that $65,000 per year private college tuition.</p>
<p>This is a slippery slope. If you start here, you’re gonna find yourself paying a lot more down the line.</p>
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That’s a great question! Aunt Julia, does you niece know that you don’t believe in her and think that she is a slacker? Because I doubt that you are calling her a sub 3.0 student to her face. Are you telling her parents what you are telling us? Or are you only talking to her parents about the opportunities to get into top colleges? I would be livid if someone (even a family member) came up to me and told me that my daughter isn’t as successful as she appears and that her grades are inflated.</p>
<p>If you think she is getting a “lofty gpa” but doing minimums, maybe not blooming- and if she is at the same school this fall- why not push for a greater challenge? It will inform you. May even interest her more or spark some pride. Not all honors courses are harder, some just cover more or have a few more independent projects, depends on the school. You can only come close to figuring this out by taking a deep look at the school. (We aren’t even talking AP yet.)</p>
<p>Personal attention usually comes in 3 ways: luck of the draw, that kindly teacher who takes an interest, just because. Remedial classes. Or for those students showing effort and spark that drives a teacher to give them a little more. But effort has to be there or potential is just potential. Yes, at a different school, the teacher culture may be different. Again, you have to know (It’s not all analysis, some of this is the fact finding.) Or maybe she needs a tutor, to help with things like time management or how to arc her learning, get inspired, connect what she is learning to some higher thinking-?</p>
<p>You’re back to “staining her gpa.” (And college recs?) You can’t have it all ways. Unless you just want her to get through college, any college, getting a 4.0 in easy classes may not be worth it. And even if she finds special mentoring at a new school, she still has to make something of it.</p>
<p>Really, if she does have this potential, something has to show it, other than our instincts. We have to figure, which comes first, the chicken or the egg? She’s missing something because this hs doesn’t rev her engine? Or her engine is idling for other reasons?</p>
<p>ps. I don’t think she’s calling her niece a “slacker,” per se- all this starts because she does believe in her, no?</p>