<p>When D1 was a sophomore in high school, she really wanted a hideous fur coat for $500+. I told her she could have it if she could get straight A that semester. She did and that coat is still sitting her closet. It was only worn once.</p>
<p>@calmom Large public school. Student council taken relatively seriously. I knew she was popular enough to win. She claimed it would be no sweat to win, but failed to grasp the point. I obviously know the point: leadership, showing care in your school, being taken more seriously by faculty, being involved with ambitious peers, college application worthy. Money encouraged her to show me how easy it was, by putting forth the effort to run, gather signatures, essays, etc. and getting over what “cool” friends had to say about it.</p>
<p>Unfortunately since this was right at the end of the year, any potential character improvement wouldn’t display until the fall.</p>
<p>I haven’t been following this thread past the few first hours it was started but decided to check back in. I’m guessing the fact that this aunt is so invested to the point of bribery has been addressed? Are the girl and her parents OK with this level of involvement anyway?</p>
<p>@auntjulia If she ran for office and won…is that for her sophomore year she would be in office?</p>
<p>Wait, so perhaps I’m misunderstanding the timeline. Is the following correct? You bribed her to run for student council during her freshman year. She won and so will be on student council next year, with the supposed better quality of students to associate with on student council this coming fall. You are now thinking of having her go to a private school in fall, abandoning the position to which she was elected? Tell me I’m wrong about that, please.</p>
<p>@bisouu Yes. So, there are things on the menu that COULD motivate growth this fall. I’m just not sure they should risk it. If it’s more of the same, then what?</p>
<p>@Ynotgo That is true. She’s not the Pres, just a Rep. The agreement was made and she won before I observed semester 2 grades and exam results. Are you convinced student council participation is the key to her doing a 180 this fall?</p>
<p>The niece can’t go to a private school this fall, all spots are filled, so it’ll need to be a year later. </p>
<p>@oldfort False. I’ve already discussed her pending/potential transfer and the financial arrangement with the private school.</p>
<p>I was just going to post that most highly sought after private schools would have been filled by early spring.</p>
<p>The fact that she made a commitment to leadership at her school, I would hesitate to have her walk away from it. What would that teach her? Should she follow through with her commitments? I think that a leadership position at her school might put her with a great group of kids and give her some insight and growth as a student.</p>
<p>@bisouu I’m not concerned with her ECs, she’s very outgoing. I’m concerned with her academic effort. How do you see the new leadership at school stoking change in regards to homework and study skills?</p>
<p>^ Maybe in Manhattan/LA/SF etc., but in smaller cities it’s a bit different. We pulled our son out of his public school after 6 weeks of 9th grade on a Wednesday, he had his interview on Thursday, did a shadow day on Friday and was able to start the next Monday. There were 62 kids in his high school class - 1 more wasn’t going to make any difference. He didn’t even have to take the entrance exam. I called the two other all boys schools in the area - another Catholic Prep and an Indy - and it would have been no problem - but the one we went to was our first choice so didn’t go any further than an initial phone call. </p>
<p>I tried bribing my kid for grades once - didn’t work. Nothing we tired with him worked until we sent him to the private school. In the space of one week he was a changed kid. </p>
<p>“The agreement was made and she won before I observed semester 2 grades and exam results.” This is the kind of thing I think some of us are still puzzled about. Is your sister (who you have said in post 121 that you think it is accurate to be described as “clueless” and doing a “lousy job” raising your niece) aware you view her like that? Is your sister freely giving you the testing and grades info or are you requesting it and she complies? Do you have children of your own or other nieces and nephews? Just trying to understand the dynamic . You say you are a consultant and used to looking at data. Maybe it would help to step back and just be your niece’s aunt and not worry so much about the academic stuff. I know others will disagree but that is some of my take on this based on some of you statements. Good luck to you and your niece.</p>
<p>I think OP is pretty clear that she has her sister’s approval with her involvement. There is no need to speculate what the family dynamic is. OP is not asking for our advice about her relationship with her sister and niece. </p>
<p>AuntJulia would you consider leaving your niece in her current school now that she has a leadership position in student council? She will probably make some new friends and in our school most, if not all of the kids on student council are top or at least very strong students. This may give your niece a new peer group because very often student council members meet together after school and on the weekends. If she can also speak to guidance about switching to 2-3 honors level classes, this may provide her with the push you are looking for and she may rise to the occasion. </p>
<p>I think being part of leadership (and honoring that commitment) might give her that new group of friends you so desperately want for her, which in turn might encourage her to improve her study habits and desire for more challenging classes because her new friends are doing the same thing. Just a suggestion. I’ve never heard of running for an office and then walking away from it. I think that sends a really bad message. </p>
<p>But oldfort, it is within reason to determine whether OP is overstepping her bounds in potentially overinsinuating herself into her niece’s life.</p>
<p>I have a SIL who traveled for her job and spent the night with us quite often – sometimes once or twice a month. She and my brother didn’t have kids, and she loved doting on mine. I was fine with that until she started overstepping her boundaries and undermining what we were doing in our home, trying to substitute her judgment for ours in front of the kids. I had to tell her to back off. I don’t think it’s OP’s call to make decisions about the niece’s peer group, academic effort, etc. I get being a loving aunt, but this feels like more. Too much, in fact.</p>
<p>I like @twogirls’s idea. I do think that being with more ambitious kids during student council and asking her GC to move her into 2 or so honors classes would make a big difference. I know that my son hears about advanced classes or ways to get into more advanced classes from friends in the clubs he participates in. You might also encourage her to participate in 1 or 2 clubs related to some academic area of interest. Good-sized public schools often have many such clubs.</p>
<p>oldfort, The speculation is coming about because of some of the statements that have been made. And it is not entirely clear to me at all what the relationship is between the sisters. But it does seem that the aunt sees herself as knowing more than her sister does where the niece is concerned and that can be a problem. That may be coming across to both the sister and her niece at some level. The OP is pretty determined about this so it will be up to the family to decide whether or not to take her suggestions and money.</p>
<p>I just think we should stick to what OP is asking. It is not very uncommon for a relative or even a perfect stranger to be very involved with raising a child sometimes. There was a kid in D1’s class who was homeless with his grandmother, a very nice person decided to take an interest on this child’s education. He paid for 4 years of private education for this kid at $35K/year. This kid ended up going to Harvard.</p>