I'd like to pay for a niece's private HS. Concerned about new school ruining GPA?

Parents Forum
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<p>@CTTC‌ many parents lack the savvy to succeed in the 21st century. The growing divide between the haves and the have-nots illustrates this. Many disadvantaged youth are but a mentor away from being inspired to develop the character to achieve great things. Or do you feel only affluent, college-educated parents should have more or less a monopoly on who gets to attend selective universities and be rewarded with powerful social circles, income and occupational prestige?</p>

<p>Once I clearly saw the path she was headed down, I had to intervene. As for what I should spend my money on: cutting a check to a non-profit will not allow me to ignore the intense regret I’ll have seeing my niece working a dead-end job in ten years because she was never pushed to develop the discipline or skills required to successfully navigate adulthood.</p>

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<p>“I feel like you can only watch someone do the same thing for so long before you stop expecting this drastic 180 to occur from thin air. It is my belief that a new environment could (no guarantee) be the disruption needed to get her to WAKE UP!” </p>

<p>We not only watched but tried everything to get my son to change. The summer before 9th grade we had numerous discussions along the lines of starting off on the right foot in 9th - how everything will count now - how we knew he had the potential to do very well (as evidenced when his progress reports would come home with crap grades and we would be at our wits end with him - then do everything from scream and yell, grounding, taking away things important to him (cell phone, ipod, etc, to the aforementioned bribing. He’d work really hard for a few weeks and get all A’s. Rinse and repeat for the three middle school years.) None of his 8th grade teachers would recommend him for the honors track - not because they thought he couldn’t handle the work, or was not smart enough - but because he was a slacker. In our high school one cannot take an honors class or AP classes without teacher recommendation. </p>

<p>After I called the three all boys schools, one of them needed a LOR so I called his 8th grade English teacher (his best class) for a LOR. It was ready for pick up the next morning but since we never had to use it, as our first choice accepted him that same day, it I opened it. I don’t remember the exact words but it wasn’t a good recommendation. He basically said my son, while very bright, was a slacker and he expected him not to amount to anything in life. </p>

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<p>Julia, you need to offer context here. I’m not sure you’re aware of how your wording comes across, so far. </p>

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<p>You seem to have very high expectations for your niece (and I’m guessing for yourself). What if she doesn’t live up to your expectations? What if, despite your paying for a private high school, she still doesn’t perform the way you want her to? Not everybody needs to or wants to go to “selective universities and be rewarded with power, income and occupational prestige.” </p>

<p>emilybee, gifted slackers are a frustration for both teachers and parents. My youngest was one of them . Luckily, many of them do turn around , as I believe your son did as did mine. </p>

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<p>@sevmom‌ If she continues under-achieving I’ll be disappointed, obviously – but I’ll be able to say that I tried. What’s the alternative? Standing on the sidelines as her parents let her squander potential and pray she wakes up at the local community college?</p>

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<p>I have been a public school teacher for 29 years. I have worked with many children who are underachieving due to lack of motivation. We offer programs, incentives, study halls after school to increase performance. We call parents, keep kids after school, send home weekly progress reports etc. But the one thing we can’t do is make a child have the desire to better themselves. I don’t know your niece and she may very well just need a nudge and a new environment to help her find her desire to better herself. My experience has been by the time a kid is 15, their personalities are fairly set and if there hasn’t been a sign of ambitiousness now you may not see any change when she moves schools.
If she is kicked out of the private due to lack of performance, will that hurt her chances at NYU? Check with the private to find out what will happen if she doesn’t conform to their expectations. Is this common for private schools to expel kids who underperform?</p>

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<p>AuntJulia do you feel that there are " underachieving" kids at the new school? Will there be girls at this new school who enjoy watching Pretty Little Liars and texting their friends instead of studying? Or is this new school made up entirely of kids who are very driven and get great test scores? The poster who asked for context is correct. If this new school has what I would call " typical" teenage girls ( which is perfectly fine), how would you feel if your niece befriended them? If the new school is comprised primarily of tippy top students, what would happen if your niece did not rise to the occasion? </p>

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<p>As long as the money will be there to attend it seems like a no-lose. If she continues on as a middle of the road student and doesn’t get into a more selective college she would still likely be more prepared to succeed at a state University or a slightly less selective private. </p>

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<p>@twogirls‌ I’m more or less paying for the faculty, the new ethos and a social shake up. It is my hope that for $10,000 per year the faculty don’t allow her to skate, that there are immediate responses to a student who coasts or slacks. The ethos inspires maturation and stokes some competitiveness. The private kids are not all perfect, obviously, but the parents at the private are, on average, more involved with their child’s academics. So maybe she does fall in line with middle of the pack students at the private. But perhaps those middle of the pack students are more academically disciplined and have stronger character outside of school than the unsavory friends at the public. Wishful thinking? Who knows.</p>

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<p>So your niece will be one of the children at a private without parental support or interest? Will this hurt her? Will she be ostracized because her parents aren’t participating in the private school community? Will she feel left out? Will it bother her to see the other kids with parents who are actively involved at the school site? Will her parents check in with teachers, have regular communication with them and attend conferences? This is a commitment on your sister and BIL’s part too not just your niece. Are they ready for it as well? (Sorry if you already answered this question. I am getting lost sometimes with all these posts) :)</p>

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<p>Unfortunately, there can be “unsavory” friends anywhere, at public and private schools. Many of the top kids at public high schools -the ones taking lots of AP and Honors classes-will be fairly academically inclined and disciplined. Your niece doesn’t sound like she has been that exposed to that yet. </p>

<p>bisouu brings up good points. If your niece does transfer, she will end up going to school with many kids who may have already been in the Catholic private system for years (as have their parents). Expecting parents of these kids to take your niece "under their wing " seems unrealistic. </p>

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Your niece isn’t really “disadvantaged” in the normal sense of the word. It’s all relative (no pun intended). I think you are placing way too much emphasis on your niece attending a selective university. </p>

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Yes. This. Julia seems to have an elitist attitude. </p>

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<p>It is <em>possible</em> that there will be more personal outreach that will result in somewhat different behavior from them, too. If not, there are plenty of people who send their kids to private school and figure that they are paying for someone else to keep closer tabs on them. She wouldn’t be alone.</p>

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<p>I find it hard to assess how your niece would do with a switch without more information on the private school. Perhaps you or her family have already investigated these factors, but if not some things to explore are:</p>

<p>Are kids at the new school tracked? If so she’s likely to end up on the lowest track. If that’s the case will the academics be any tougher than her current school? How hard or easy would it be for her to change tracks? Can a kid who was in the regular track for history in 10th grade jump to honors or AP courses in 11th without her parents having to push hard for it?</p>

<p>At what grade does the new school start? If the school starts before 9th grade she may find it hard to break into a well-established social hierarchy. My nephew started as a new 10th grader at a private 7-12 after attending a private 4-9 and was so miserable for the first 6 months that he begged his parents to let him go to the local public school. This was a kid who was socially king of the hill at his old school and was very popular in his home community.</p>

<p>Does the school have a sequential curriculum? Some schools have a careful plan to build a student’s skills over many years and if that’s the case she may find it hard to jump into that curriculum mid-stream. </p>

<p>Does the old school’s curriculum mesh well with the new school’s? For instance, does it offer the foreign language she’s been taking? Do the science curricula align well? Some schools have a science progression that has kids taking Physics in 9th grade. At other schools students don’t take it until 11th or 12th. If the curricula aren’t in alignment she could be forced to either retake a course or take classes with kids not in her grade.</p>

<p>Will she be expected to take religion classes? My daughter, who attending a largely secular but nominally Episcopalian school struggled with the one required religion course because she’s not a Christian and the teacher assumed a certain knowledge base she didn’t possess.</p>

<p>If she’s involved in EC’s will she be able to continue them at her new school? For instance, right now she been elected to the student council at her old school (something that looks good on college applications, BTW). She’d have to give that up at her new school. Does she play sports? If so, is her sport offered at the new school? Does the new school have a mandatory after-school program? If so, that’s a great way to build up a solid list of EC’s.</p>

<p>How strong is the advisor program? At some private schools kids meet with their advisors daily and teaching teams meet weekly to discuss individual students about whom they have concerns. At other schools the advisor program is more like what you’d find at a LPS-unless a kid is obviously failing or falling apart they’re left to their own devices.</p>

<p>How good is the home-school communication and how open would the school be to letting you be a part of the communication stream? It’s all well and good for the school to keep close tabs on your niece, but if they don’t communicate with you about where she’s succeeding or failing you may not achieve the control I infer you’re looking for.</p>

<p>What does the college matriculation list look like? What kinds of schools do kids from the school attend? Where does the top 20 percent go? The bottom 20 percent? Consider carefully that your niece could be in that bottom group.</p>

<p>What evidence do you have that the social group at the new school is healthy? Some kids end up at private schools for the reasons you cite-their parents want them to be challenged more and for the expectations for their academic achievement to be higher. Some end up at privates because they have LD’s, social issues, have had substance abuse or disciplinary issues or other problems. Don’t automatically assume private is better than public.</p>

<p>If your niece has not yet toured the new school I strongly suggest she do so ASAP. With school out of session for the summer she, you, and her parents won’t learn as much as you would have if you had started this process last spring, but at least you’d have a chance to ask questions and get a sense for the feel of the place.</p>

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<p>@Consolation‌ </p>

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<p>Bingo.</p>

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That is simply not true. Many students from elite private schools or IB programs report that college is easier. Even for my oldest college felt easier, even though he worked harder, because 90% of his schedule was stuff he loved doing.</p>

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<p>By the time kids are in high school the parents at private schools are not active in day to day way. There is no volunteering in the classroom - like in elementary school. Parents pretty much do what parents at public schools do (attend their kid’s sporting events/artistic events, etc., ) with the only added thing being funding raising for the school through the parent’s club. But, it there are issues, they will meet with the parents at the drop of a hat - unlike in public school where my friends would tell me they spent days waiting for the teacher to get back to them or never returning their calls at all. </p>

<p>The only time I ever talked to my son’s teachers - other than a hello, how are you at school events - was at parent-teacher night. They did, however, spend more time with parents and all meet individually with parents instead of just talking to group of parents (which is what parent teacher night was like at our public school - you followed your kids schedule and a bell would ring every 15 minutes telling you to go to next class.) </p>

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<p>@CTTC‌

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<p>Is that so? Please explain what motivated you to say this.</p>

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<p>Good point, bisouu.<br>
Julia, it’s going to continue to go in circles, you suggesting reasons bright, experienced parents cannot connect to, them stating the arbitrariness of all this and questioning your involvement (not to mention comments like “haves” and “selective” and “ethos.”) You defending deeper along the same lines, distractions about why she can’t take honors classes or the value of a stu govt role, then others even further questioning your personal motives…</p>

<p>until you share the context.</p>

<p>Not your perception of the problems at the current school and your hopes for what she can get at the prep or restating your largesse. Most of us get what can go wrong in a school system. Most of us had to insert some direction into our kids lives. We get it.</p>

<p>If you fill in the blanks, even a little, you can give readers the Aha! moment you want them to have. I think you might see a change in the responses, some better focused advice on the way to make prep work. This means getting off the hierarchical thinking.
Your choice.</p>

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It surely does! </p>

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Julia, what makes you think other parents would think that your niece is the special snowflake who would warrant this sort of attention? She has two parents, after all, and many parents aren’t willing to take on parenting other’s children. Why do you think she’s such a special snowflake that the the “village” should be raising her? She’s not homeless, growing up in a crime-ridden neighborhood, etc. that would get that sort of interest. And, anyway, aren’t YOU the one you see doing the parenting her own parents aren’t doing (in your opinion)?</p>