Ideas for Introvert: Seeking college suggestions for a high-achieving, socially anxious junior interested in physics

Applying to College
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New to CC!

I’ve been reading and enjoying this great advice, and thought I’d ask for help myself. First-born kid is a HS junior in MA.

He and I are trying to build a college list. We’ve read some CC blogs, the Selingo list of “buyers and sellers,” visited some colleges for friends’ graduations, etc.

Classic parent problem of how to describe your own kid (he’s such a NICE kid, etc)….but here goes:

Likely a budding physics major, doing a little internship in radiology, will probably do one of those summer college phsyics programs for rising seniors. Has published some stuff on AI for education journals.

PSAT 740/760 verbal and 760/760 math

Will max out his school’s AP offerings, I think 8, with 5 scores (he’s good at tests). Probably #1 in a public school class of ~200.

Reluctant captain of tennis team; won some regional honors, etc. Part-time job at local parks/rec for years is coaching little kids. Robotics, ultimate frisbee (I love those guys), etc.

He’s got a good group of buddies, but it sort of happened organically (same guys over many years). Social anxiety with new people. My biggest fear for this guy is he goes to college, does well academically (that’s a given), and misses out on friend-making and all the vibrant life. He’s quite a contrast to his sister…

Are there colleges that are unusually good at pulling such kids INTO the “life” of the school, or is it sheer chance if he lucks into a few good friends?

Our very rough draft-y list -

U of Chicago

Georgia Tech

RPI or WPI

UMass Amherst Honors College

Dartmouth

Kenyon

MIT probably no chance but what the heck

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You will be asked by someone here (not me) about your budget for schools, so you might start thinking about that.

My personal shortlist of “nice academicky schools for nice academicky kids”, in order of least-rejective to most-rejective:

  • St. Olaf (52%)
  • William and Mary (33%)
  • Carleton (22%)
  • WashU (12%)
  • Rice (8%)
  • Yale (4%)

I think all of them — through some combination of residential colleges / campus life, professor-student connections, and “student vibe” — are places where students are known to connect well with others and get involved.

That being said, I suspect most schools work hard to help their students find opportunities to build bonds, so I wouldn’t be overly concerned at this point? I get it, though, for wanting to find a good environment where he’ll thrive.

One other thing. If your concern is about your son getting involved on campus, it might also be helpful to think of schools that are known as “grindy” and giving them a bit more leeway, or at least making them earn their seat at the table. Unfortunately, I would include two from your list — Chicago and MIT — though a lot of people do love them, and maybe there’s something compelling about them for your son. I would also include Swarthmore in that list of “schools with a grindy rep”.

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100% this.
It is easier to be anonymous or flourish at a larger school. Small schools can be tricky. I have an extremely introverted kid.
Large public schools are quite good IMO. I would encourage you to consider UW-Madison, UMD, UNC & NCSU.

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A student who is very good at tests and has all 5s in APs could consider Oxford:

The advantage of the college system is that there’s a small group of people in your college and subject that you’ll make friends with. If this is of interest then take a look at the pre-interview test (PAT):

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Does your kid have any niche interests or ECs they are passionate about? I would make sure whatever school your kid is looking at has it if you are really worried about social stuff. One of my kids has 2 main things, which are available (in combination) at VERY few schools. We are prioritizing that, to ensure they have an obvious path to meet others and continue what they like outside of class…

That said, I think if your kid has a good group of friends that he hangs out with outside of school (and is involved in such a wide variety of activities now) he will be fine in college. I think what you are describing is most kids…IMO/ IME few kids are really super extroverted and ready for anything… that said I am obviously going by your brief description:)

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No college advice and I don’t know your child, so maybe what I am suggesting is not a good option. From limited feedback from friends with more introverted students, they all say that NOT having a single room freshman year was the better choice. For my friends with introverted kids, they all felt like their child stayed in their room way too much and ordered door dash etc vs visiting the dining hall a lot more too. For friends with introverts and a roommate, it seemed to help to get their child out and about more even if the roommate wasn’t a best friend.

You son sounds pretty amazing and has participated across many areas with his interests and appears to know how to move out of his comfort zone and thrive. I am guessing many of the schools on your list have Ultimate - and I love those guys and gals too!

I understand that some students need a single room, so no judgement just passing on info :wink:

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I’m a high school teacher. From some of my students’ feedback and our own family experience, I would suggest you take a close look at Rice.
My daughter graduated there. She’s introvert and needs to “recharge” herself after group activities. What we believe Rice did great for her was to provide the environment and support system for her to grow. From my limited knowledge, their O-Week system is one of the best ways for freshmen to quickly become part of the university community. Introvert kids don’t have to search for friends; instead, they are sought out by extrovert kids and O-Week advisors. That is, friends will find them. Rice has so many activities that are student-run, from coffee shop to radio station to EMS. The adults provide more guidance and support rather than directions. The kids have to figure things out. Literally everyone will be pulled into multiple events and activities to contribute. They can always back out if they don’t like the activity. One of my daughter’s freshmen suitemates was highly attached to her boyfriend and cared about nothing else (other than course work), but even she was in several “committees” and “boards”. The O-Week advisors are sophomores and juniors. They organize the O-Week (orientation week) for freshmen, and stay connected for years. My daughter is still answering questions and providing supports to her O-Week “kids”, and is in close contact with her own O-Week “mom”, even though they are all in different majors and industries.
Houston weather could be a deal-breaker though. August and September are hard. It’s hot and humid, with hurricane risks.
Rice is quite selective but I think your son’s stats puts him comfortably among the owls.
This is a cool project Rice engineering students convert old truck into an electrical vehicle - YouTube

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This was originally written for another poster intetested in physics; to the extent that your son might appreciate exclusively undergraduate-focused schools, the suggestions may be worth further research:

In addition to potential selections from the group above, your son also might like Carleton or Vassar.

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“Social anxiety with new people. My biggest fear for this guy is he goes to college, does well academically (that’s a given), and misses out on friend-making and all the vibrant life. He’s quite a contrast to his sister…”

So this is the concern for all our introverted, really bright kids. My son went to Michigan for engineering. Yes, we were concerned. But… These kids are with other very bright introverted geeky kids. Get those kids together in a room and they really shine. When your at a college that it seems they are all at the same GPA, intellectual wise also, these kids flourish. Right now he’s the top dog at his school. At any of these colleges he won’t be. All these students were the top dog or up there at their schools. This is when your kid will relax a bit. They find their peeps and usually grow. He will do things in college that will amaze you. He’s already active. Colleges want active students that are good students. My point is most of the kids will be at his level.

No matter how good of a student he is, he will be challenged in college. It’s also pretty easy to make a large college small. Don’t negate the larger colleges due to this.

My point. Don’t worry. He will be fine in college.

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If you’re ok with large schools (Umass) and distance - Arizona and then Colorado would be at the top of my list for physics (t least in regards to safeties). Just because a school is large doesn’t make it bad for academically oriented. And these schools have Honors programs - and top notch facilities.

Someone mentioned a budget and they are correct.

Some schools for your son will be upwards of $400k unless you qualify for need aid. Are you willing and able ?

If not, do you qualify for need aid ? You can run a net price calculator to see.

What would you like to spend per year ?

Also schools like RPI and WPI are different. WPI has short classes. RPI will have gender imbalance etc.

Just things to think about b4 building a list. .

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So this is sort of hyperspecific, but . . . personally, I would be looking for colleges that have a travel but no-cut Ultimate team. Like often there are both a tryout A team and no-cut B team (maybe also called a development team, or similar). But college Ultimate has lots of travel options for B teams like that.

Of course it sounds like your kid may well be a candidate for an A team, including because he is also captain of a tennis team (implying he is a very good athlete), and in fact there are also travel club tennis teams (usually tryout based, at least for the travel team). Some Ultimate A teams are also non-cut to begin with. But as long as they have at least one no-cut travel team for Ultimate, that is a guaranteed option.

And then not to overpromise, but that could potentially just solve this problem. On such a team, you immediately meet a bunch of fun people, they almost invariably do a lot of social stuff in addition to the team stuff, you have kids from all class years so there is built in mentoring . . . it is really all you could want to help make the transition to college in one handy package.

Just to give you some examples, first on your list, Chicago, apparently has Chicago Fission for their A team, and then Hedonism Bots is their development/B team. But Hedonism Bots is also a travel team. Some details here if you are interested:

https://blueprint.uchicago.edu/organization/mensultimate

I agree RPI is great for Physics, and has a men’s Ultimate team. It is a little unclear from their website but I believe the team does divide up into A and B teams for tournament play, and is no-cut:

Not on your list, but Haverford is another college I would personally suggest checking out for their combination of an excellent undergrad Physics program and also a student vibe that might work for your kid. I believe they may only have an A team, but it appears to be no-cut:

https://haverford.campuslabs.com/engage/organization/donkey

I’d also recommend checking out the University of Rochester for Physics and vibe, and then they have an Ultimate team that may be non-cut:

And so on.

Just something I would personally think about making a criterion.

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A close-knit department like Wesleyan’s might be a good fit. Everyone from non-majors to Ph.D. students share the same building and there seems to be a real push to socialize:
Events, Physics - Wesleyan University

Also, it’s hard to get lost in the crowd when the surrounding neighborhood is full of university-owned houses set aside for upper-classmen:

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20241122_1415571920×1440 542 KB

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Your kid sounds amazing, and may have many options.

I’m going to second (or third) the recommendation for Carleton as a lower reach. Frisbee is pretty much their official sport - I think they have both Div I and Div III teams in addition to intramural. They also have a tradition of every freshman receiving a specially designed class frisbee on move-in day which they throw into the main quad with their name and number on it. Everyone picks up a frisbee and has to find its owner by the end of orientation week.

As for academics - they have a great physics department. I have a kid there in STEM (not physics) and it is extremely collaborative. Kids work together on problem sets all the time, so an introverted kid would have a group of students that he gets to know in his classes. We heard a physics prof give a lecture at parents weekend about how they get students to think about what to do with a physics degree (other than grad school - they are a top feeder to grad programs). They embed a lot of career advice into the upper level classes - from requiring them to find and interview alums with physics degrees, to panels of former physics majors who are not in academic research to looking through online career platforms. I was really impressed.

Best of luck!

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William & Mary could be a great match! Strong physics department, Goldilocks medium size school, lots of smart kids who trend a bit nerdy/quirky, but there really is something for everyone there, and ultimate frisbee is quite popular and builds in a lot of social connection.

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My son is a “social” introvert at UChicago. He likes having an active social life but balances his social time between excursions/down time with a couple close friends alongside larger scale social activities like parties, athletics, volunteering, concerts… He says the social opportunities at UChicago are highly varied. He’s met friends through intramural sports teams (indoor and outdoor soccer, flag football…). He regularly dines with a couple friends at interesting restaurants throughout the city. He recently competed in UChicago Survivor where he met 17 other students (1st-4th years) who just wanted to do a fun competition in their free time. Then there is the House system which does a good job of integrating first years in relatively small tight knit living groups (some houses are more socially active than others). They’ve gone to a roller disco, apple picking, movie nights… I’d also recommend choosing a suite style dorm room. My son has three suite mates and they socialize with many other students from their House. My son isn’t involved in the frats but has friends who are. They all attend frat parties occasionally but there are many students who opt out of the frat scene and still have ample social opportunities. My son volunteers for a campus organization. He joined small study groups in a couple of his classes. Essentially, there are spaces big and small for social interaction, depending on one’s preferences. The one thing my son has mentioned is that even though it’s a medium-sized campus, he constantly sees friends and acquaintances throughout his day, everywhere he goes. I’ve been impressed with how the students tend to be quite versatile in how they socialize. I strongly suspect introverts can find satisfying ways to connect within the UChicago community.

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A plus 1 on thinking about Oxford. The college system and the small cohort of students in tutorials really helps finding your people. At my son’s college, there were 15 “mathmos” in his matriculation year - straight math, math & CS, math & stats, math & philosophy. They became a tight group with six of them living together out of college during their last year.

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I would add St Olaf to the mix. Their no-cut team won the D-III ultimate championship last year.

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