<p>I have had this discussion with moms of girls. Would like opinions.
If a boy asks a girl to prom and she says no, is she then obligated to refuse all others?
I have had some moms who have even said a girl should say yes if asked no matter what.
I totally disagree. I would never want my son going with a girl who felt obligated to say yes</p>
<p>If she says no to one boy, she can go with another boy if invited. So says this mom of a girl. I hate a boy being rejected for something big like a prom and hope it does not happen here.</p>
<p>Agreed. It’s only if she said yes to the first that she must go with him or not at all.</p>
<p>“Oh thank you for thinking of me, but I have other plans.”</p>
<p>The only problem is if she says YES, and then cancels when someone “better” comes along.</p>
<p>I see I cross posted with Cedva</p>
<p>keymom, So these other moms think that a girl is obligated to go with the first freak who asks her, no matter what? She either goes with that guy or stays home? I would ask these moms, what if school #1 dork asks your daughter to the prom on the first day of school? Where do you draw the line? </p>
<p>You can probably tell I don’t have any daughters. :D</p>
<p>A girl should say yes, no matter what, to the first boy that asks? Uh, . . . NO! Good grief, what sort of a message is that to give young women? Why would anyone even think that a girl is obligated to go with whoever asks her?</p>
<p>I can’t believe this. Of <em>course</em> a girl shouldn’t have to stay home if someone she prefers asks her after she’s declined a previous invitation. What century and what locale is this conversation taking place in?</p>
<p>If a boy asks a girl and she says no, does he have to stay home? Why should he get to choose, but she does not?</p>
<p>If, at the dance, a boys asks her to dance and she doesn’t want to be seen on the floor with him (not nice, but maybe he has two large left feet) she can say no, I’m sitting this one out, and then courtesy demands she indeed sit that one out.</p>
<p>But no, she doesn’t have to stay home if she said no to one boy!</p>
<p>I think this is the issue of male power vs. female power. I say the girl can do whatever the hell she wants.</p>
<p>Geez, are we in the dark ages, or what? The girl is NOT obligated to say yes…to anyone! And she is allowed to say no…to everyone! PULLLLEEZ! (From a former girl and the mother of one…)</p>
<p>Under no circumstances is any girl obliged to say “yes” to anyone for anything. She can say “no” to the first ten boys who ask, and say “yes” and go to the prom with the 11th, if she wishes. </p>
<p>Something like “I’m flattered, but no, thank you” or “thank you for thinking of me but no” is all that she needs to say.</p>
<p>It works in reverse too, for those situations where girls are doing the asking…</p>
<p>I guess an awkward one would be if she said no, and then went alone and he saw her there. That would be a real slap in the face, but a girl shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for saying no.</p>
<p>Like others I was surprised that this would even be a question. The girl (and the boy) have a right to refuse whoever they want and IMO no excuses are even needed. I certainly hope they would be say ‘yes’ to only those people they really would enjoy being with.</p>
<p>My friend was asked by a boy whom she really didn’t want to go with, and turned him down. She accepted another offer, and the previous boy who asked her found another date as well. From a senior’s point of view, I really don’t think it’s an uber big deal, as long as people are turned down civilly.</p>
<p>When has this ever been a question? Even in the Dark Ages, a girl (or her closest male relative, on her behalf) was allowed to turn down a suitor in the hope that something better might come along. In the modern age, it’s also perfectly acceptable to turn down a boy and then go with girlfriends.</p>
<p>The only thing that’s unacceptable is lying: “I’m not going to prom this year.” “I’m washing my hair that night.” (And then going, alone, in a group, or with someone else.)</p>
<p>My heart goes out to the boy, of course. He’s probably crushed, etc. But he expected it. He’ll live.</p>
<p>The tough debate in my house is “Are you obligated to ask your long-time pal who you know doesn’t have a date yet and would love to go with you, even if you might prefer to take a hot sophmore?” This is a constant issue for my girlfriendless but very girl-friendly son. In the past, he has always gone the pal route, although not always without regret (and not always before being turned down at least once).</p>
<p>I agree with everyone else. I just wanted to add…
This happens all the time. At a lot of schools, it’s not unusual for a group of girls to go stag to prom. I knew girls in high school who turned boys down to go alone because they want to go and have fun with their friends (with the freedom to dance with anyone, not worry about whether the date is having fun, not have to coordinate after-prom plans, etc.).</p>
<p>JHS, I love that. Do you have a particular stance? Forgoing the “hot sophmore” is certainly a difficult thing to do for an eighteen year old boy. ;)</p>
<p>I will also point out that the girl does NOT have to wait to be asked. She can do the asking.</p>
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<p>I <em>might</em> be tempted to go this route to spare the young man’s feelings. However, if the young woman does not feel comfortable doing the asking (at least for something like prom or a first date) and is planning to wait for a better offer it is worth pointing out that this strategy could end up backfiring. If the word gets out that the girl already has a prom date, she may not get asked again!</p>
<p>My experience is that prom dates often change, sometimes more than once, if the asking is done too far in advance. People break up, get into fights, etc. My daughter once went to a homecoming dance with a boy who had asked her a month in advance even though she started dating someone else before then. It was awkward but it was the only thing to do since the first boy didn’t have time to find a new date. I don’t think there are any rules as long and nobody is purposely hurtful.</p>