<p>My friend has children that attend a private school in town. It is frowned upon to reject a date to the prom. I agree with all the above post that the girl should be entitled to say no to a boy; but if she does say yes to one, then she can not back out if someone better comes around with an offer.</p>
<p>Usually girls that do not get ask to the prom end up taking a sophomore boy. So if the boy of your dreams doesn’t ask you, then you can take a younger boy of your choice. </p>
<p>What happens to the girl that does have the audacity to turn a boy down? She is looked down upon and is the talk of the parents!! Yea, the boy was a bit odd and the girl didn’t like him; he also invited her weeks before others were asking so she wasn’t sure he was serious. She now sits without a date wondering if she isn’t being ask because she turned the first boy down!</p>
I can’t imagine a time when a group of parents should look down on a girl because of her choice of a date, nor can I see why any parents other than those of the two children would even know about it. I think that private affairs between students should be kept private, let alone be discussed and judged by uninvolved parents. That strikes me as unnecessary and inappropriate.</p>
<p>‘I can’t imagine a time when a group of parents should look down on a girl because of her choice of a date’
Me either. In fact, I can’t imagine a time when it’s ever OK to take away a girls right to say no. Is the social stigma of not going to the dance with a date greater than her feelings or comfort level? I think not. The whole idea freaks me out. And if that’s any communities idea of whats right I’m glad I don’t live there because people would be looking down on me constantly :)</p>
<p>I simply cannot fathom the scenario that snowball describes in post #21 (looked down upon-- the fodder for parental gossip. Sheesh!). Are there really schools, small towns, petty parents and kids who really do this in this day and age?? Boggles the mind. Nor can I fathom anyone thinking a girl “has” to say yes when she wants to say no. We spend our lives teaching girls that they have the right to say “no” to a request by a boy-- whether it be for a date or an unwanted advance. It is simply ridiculous to give the message that it is impolite to say now when that is what she wants to do. I agree that she shouldn’t accept and then cancel if a better offer comes along. That isn’t nice. It happens all the time, but it isn’t nice. I’ve watched both of my kids’ prom plans change a million times as the plans were being made. Who is going with who, who is riding in which limo, going to eat at which restaurant, etc. It changed daily. This is par for the course. But to think a girl “has” to say yes to the first offer that comes along… thats just silly.</p>
<p>Well said, Thedad. I am beginning to think maybe snowball was pulling our legs. The thought that in this day and age people are really that petty and narrowminded about prom dates and such is just to incredible. Are people that provincial??? Wow.</p>
<p>Sadly, I think there are plenty of people like those in Snowball’s world, who really get off on petty gossip, even about other people’s kids. Awful.</p>
<p>The school I mentioned above is not one my kids attended, but my friend’s kids do attend this school. While only a few adults were talking about this girls, it was disturbing. The girl told a member of her swim team in confidence that the boy had invited her to prom, and this girl told her friend, etc… One girl told her mother who then shared the information to other mothers on the swim team. I am not saying that dozens of parents are discussing this, but a few are.</p>
<p>The reason this became gossip is that there is an unwritten school rule that one shouldn’t turn down a prom date to avoid hurt feelings. There is a thought that other boys are siding with this boy and not asking the girl out, more as a favor to their male friend. I don’t know if that is the reason this girl doesn’t have a date at this time, but several people think it is. For some reason everyone know that it is in bad taste at this school to refuse a date to prom, as well as a boy to refuse a date from a girl for the dance that girls invite the guys. While I for one don’t agree with this, it seems the kids that attend this school are all ok with this code.</p>
<p>Rejection is a part of life, and the sooner kids realize it the better. I’ve matured a lot from getting rejected, whether by girls or by colleges, but only very little from getting accepted.</p>
<p>“No, thank you.” End of discussion. You don’t need to give a reason, you don’t need to say you have other plans. Your only obligation is to be polite in saying no. I’d also say that you shouldn’t gossip about being invited, either.</p>
Absolutely. The girl blabbed. It was cruel to tell even one friend in confidence. My D turned a boy down to a Jr prom this year. I warned her not to tell a soul, reminding her to put herself in his shoes & imagine how she’d feel if ANYONE knew she’d been turned down. Nobody found out & the boy took another date.</p>
<p>Perhaps the parents were upset about her blabbing, and not about her turning the boy down? Frankly they sound childish getting involved at all. But it was not nice to reveal to anyone that she had rejected the boy.</p>
<p>This girl did not blab; she told an older teammate as she felt bad saying no. There is nothing wrong with confiding in a friend. It wasn’t like this girl stood up and made an announcement to the entire school; she told her friend, that is what girlfriends are for. She didn’t try to hurt the boy’s feelings and I am not sure his feelings were hurt. The mother that started the talking about this girl should be the one that needs to be ashamed of herself. </p>
<p>Again as this is an unwritten rule at this school, that is where the problem began. I don’t know if this girl was aware of the schools thought on this, or if she just didn’t think. I know one of my daughters turned a guy down as they were friends and she didn’t want to go with him, she wanted a “real” date.</p>
<p>It is a touchy situation. Of course there is nothing wrong with confiding in a friend. Of course the boy may be feeling bad about the rejection, but is a girl obligated to go out with a boy in order to keep him from feeling bad? What about her feelings – do they count? I find the behavior of the adults in this situation very disappointing.</p>