<p>If I have <em>both</em> lots of strong and weak spots (relative to others), is it wise for me to increase the number of schools that I apply to compared to others?</p>
<p>Basically, I think this is going to make things more unpredictable. There’s a higher chance that some professors may be very enthusiastic about my case, but that some other professors might be very much against my case. So I might have a higher chance of getting rejected by everyone but also a higher chance of getting accepted by a Tier 1 place (as compared to someone with similar average stats but a more conventional application)</p>
<p>Of course, I still need to put in a lot of effort for each application, but I can do that as I’m taking a gap year just to apply for grad schools.</p>
<p>Strengths: Expected PGRE score, high number of senior/grad lvl courses in statistics/computer science/applied math (most astro undergrads don’t have this, and some astro professors might really want someone who has extensive experience in these fields, although they sometimes might use research or physics courses as a proxy for potential for these skills), very self-aware personal statement.</p>
<p>Weaknesses: GPA (though for my last 2 years, I’m expecting ~3.5 - this was when I finally got medications for my ADD. I had some really poor grades early on). But overall GPA is much weaker (though still above 3.1 - part of it was getting two 0’s in graduate-level applied math courses when I took them VERY early [but I do feel like I still learned from them and did decently on later grad-lvl amath courses]). Also, I retook some courses and didn’t even do that well on the retakes (people may REALLY look down on that, but I have a different approach to class than most people do, since I treat class mostly as a way to motivate myself to study a subject). </p>
<p>Wildcards: recommendations (I also have Asperger’s and social anxiety, and professors have noticed this, even though I’m really trying to not use either as an excuse for anything), will probably have to disclose ADD diagnosis due to sharp GPA discontinuity upon starting on ADD meds (to explain why they were so low in the beginning and to convince them that it won’t be that relevant in the future), personal statement will also be somewhat different from most. Also I entered college through an early entrance program which may explain some immaturity issues.</p>
<p>I also have some astronomy research, though it’s not exceptional (did get my name in the middle of a paper with like 30 authors though). </p>
<p>If you are worried about getting rejected because your application isn’t up to standard for some programs, apply to more places. You’re most likely not in as unique a situation as you think. If a program says they want x, y, and z, and you have tons of x, but no y and z, you shouldn’t get your hopes too high of being admitted. </p>
<p>If your application stats are below par for programs you’re applying to, then yes, you should apply to more places to increase your chances of acceptance.</p>
<p>Edit: Ok. So you did ok in a lot of courses and expect good GRE scores. Do the programs you’re targeting list GRE and GPA of accepted students? Do you meet those scores? Either way, obviously applying to more schools increases your chances of getting accepted. Why is this a unique situation that requires special consideration? </p>
<p>I would also say that a “very self-aware personal statement” may not be a plus. The more focused on research and achievements, the better. If your self-awareness involves you writing at length about your problems, you should strongly consider changing that.</p>
<p>lol, where do you know me from, Goiter? o_0</p>
<p>lol, um, actually lots of people say that it’s a very good idea. I’d still do research in my department and I’d actually have time to prepare for the Physics GRE. Some people say that departments like it when you do it, since it also shows that you’re willing to stick with the subject (and with grad school life). Anyways, more years of unpaid voluntary research = better since that’s pretty much what you’d do as a grad student anyways.</p>
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<p>yeah, physics/astro departments are the only ones that list GREs a lot. Most of departments won’t reply to your emails if you ask them about average GREs/GPAs. No, I don’t have an especially unique situation. A LOT of people just say “apply to 6-8 schools”, and I feel like this is <em>far</em> too little for my situation. </p>
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<p>Good point - I’m not going to do that. By self-aware, I just mean that I’m going to explicitly address the issue of how my research/achievements relate to potential success as a grad student.</p>
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<p>Unfortunately, I can’t apply to MS programs (parents very much against those). I’m only applying to fully-funded programs. But I’m quite sure that I’ll get in at least somewhere, provided that I don’t get any bad recommendations (I don’t know, but I’m weird and have fairly severe social anxiety, so some people might say things…).</p>
<p>That guy? I have seen him around.
I think he’s not a bad guy. Maybe.
But, I am terrified by him. He can be a little inconsiderate sometimes, often without realizing it.</p>
<p>Aw interesting. Seen him around IRL? Or just online?</p>
<p>Okayy, he’s not a bad guy. He just was really immature and needed to grow up (unfortunately much harder for him than for others, so it took some massive incidents in college to do it) and has really tried to appreciate that he needs to be a better person for others (he really wants to help someone since he’s usually not in a position of helping anyone). But at the same time, he’s very scared. So he doesn’t know what to do. </p>
<p>And yeah, he can be inconsiderate without realizing it. He’s trying to be better at it though (but appreciates feedback), especially after the supermassive mistakes he made that he never wants to make again.</p>
<p>But yeah. I appreciated that criticism. I’d actually appreciate it if you let me PM you. I don’t know - I just have to try to give people more of what they want - that’s all.</p>
<p>I do, or did, know that guy in real life.
I have to say, I am quite terrified of bringing myself back into his social sphere, at this point though. I mean, he REALLY scared the hell out of me last time. If he is immature, I’m glad this self-realization has taken place. Unfortunately, I do not hold in much faith his ability to self-critique his behavior. </p>
<p>I’m no doctor, but I would guess his heart is in the right place. Unfortunately I am finding it very difficult to give real, meaningful advice because it would involve the full disclosure of my personal identity. I definitely not prepared to risk that, under any circumstances. </p>
<p>Still, as I mentioned, I find him strangely infectious. In a way his dysfunctions are intriguing…I idolize him in a sort of morbid way. Although he terrifies me, I can’t let go. </p>
<p>I sometimes wonder if I saw him again, if we would get along? We seem shockingly similar on paper, but in real life we are in different worlds. If we had a purely internet-relationship, we would be best buddies for life. Unfortunately, I know him in a more personal level and certain facets of his personality cannot be ignored.</p>
<p>oh ok. You do have a point in not having much faith in my self-critiquing my own behavior. I don’t know - I got massively broken for 8 straight months. and I deserved it. It was the only thing that could force me to improve myself and to be a better person. And to conclude that I have to listen to others more, and also, to conclude that I have the capacity to care about people in terms of their own needs and desires. I don’t know - I actually want my parents to be happy and I don’t want them to grow old and die. But I’m too scared to talk to them. </p>
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<p>Oh I see. Thanks for the honesty - I just appreciate it so much. I don’t know - I’ve realized that i could grow out of my dysfunctions. I really have. I don’t know - but the core part of it was just my adolescent anger at the world. And I was forced to relax it in order to survive. And to just appreciate what I have. I’ve actually tried SO hard not to be angry at people anymore. Like parents. and it’s really working a lot better than before.</p>
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<p>Oh I see. Yeah - I don’t know. You know, I’m really trying to change myself in so many ways. There are certainly things that I may never grow out of, but none of them should predispose me to do anything that’s wrong. I don’t know - I guess it’s that I’ve truly realized the difference between things I can afford to compromise on, and things I can’t compromise on. And the things I can’t compromise on - there are really only a few of them (I’m going to have to find ways to compensate for my poor attention span). But anything that makes me angry or upset - I really can compensate on. It’s for the best, because I truly am sick at being angry. And I’m still very sad over all the mean and terrifying things I’ve done, especially to the people who least deserved it. :(</p>
<p>Of course, you have the perfect right to be skeptical about my intentions. It’s so easy for a sociopath to pretend to improve. But at this point, I’m realizing that I must change if I want any form of companionship - and most of those things that I have to change - really aren’t that unpleasant (I guess it’s that I realized that i really crave companionship, and I’d give so much for it, and make sacrifices just to maintain it). I don’t know - you know - hurting people is fundamentally similar to hurting animals. And I hate it when animals are hurt. That’s the conclusion I really had to make. And that makes me sad.</p>
<p>I don’t know, I’ve just felt so intensely ashamed and sad for 8 months. And it surprisingly melted the existential anger out of me. Plus, you know, so many people have been disappointed in me, and it makes me so ashamed. I just want someone to be happy for me, for once. And in turn, I want to be happy for someone else too. But it’s hard since I’m so scared that people will leave me. So then I get reserved. But someone really changed me, after she cut off contact with me. Because that made me appreciate everything she did for me. Everything. She was nicer to me than everyone else - and probably would have never left me. And I wish I could have just restarted and was better for her all the way, so that I would have never hurt her. And respected her fairly minimal desires/demands, because they really were for the better. </p>
<p>I don’t know - sometimes i felt like I had to get angry at situations when I don’t have to get angry. And it’s irrational, but I’ve made progress in stopping it. I recently got a poor grade (although the only poor grade since i got adderall) and i managed to self-contain my frustration quite quickly.</p>
<p>of course, a sociopath could say all of this just to win affection without giving any. I don’t know, I’ve always loved animals way too much to be sociopathic. I just needed to realize that I could use this for humans too.</p>
<p>I am not sure if I can take your sob story seriously. You naturally assume I am your estranged girlfriend, or something? Our relationship has never been remotely romantic, and that seems exceedingly unlikely. I hope you’re not trying to “win me back” by assuming I’m someone, who I’m not.</p>
<p>Your story about being massively broken for 8 straight months fascinates me. I have the same fears, really. I was recently devastated, although the tenure of my heartache was only about 5 months. I too have a difficult time with human relationships because I’m afraid i’ll be judged and thrown in the trash. I’m very vulnerable and terrified of being hurt. And maybe, just maybe, I have a bit of an ego too. </p>
<p>My personal “devastation” (well, actually, there were two and both lasted for several months) were quite something too. There was an intense period of depression, inadequacy, and quite a bit of rage. It was really a nightmare for me. Did I become a better person for it. YES!! But I REALLY, REALLY wish I hadn’t. I really don’t like myself anymore. I’m so calloused, so cynical. I put up barriers between myself and others. I’ve lost my innocence, and maybe even my capacity for joy. My inner child is dead.</p>
<p>I also love animals. I find humans volatile, judgmental, self-serving, and perhaps undeserving of my sympathies. Interesting.</p>
<p>I think that we really do have a lot in common. Like I said, on paper. But if we were to meet, I believe you would scare me away again. Not so sure why. I’m just scared.</p>
<p>fwiw, he’s also pretty inconsiderate online. a lot of bad character traits (lack of empathy etc) do filter through text if there’s enough of it.</p>
<p>Well, you know, what I said could apply to a close friendship too. The end of one could cause me grief for months on end. (and it’s quite possible).</p>
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<p>Oh okay. So we still have so many of the same fears. And you know, I’m really going to try to be A LOT more considerate from now on. You know, for some reason, I just didn’t become more considerate just because I always seemed to get my way. But now I was forced to appreciate that, and I really will become more considerate. You know - I actually used Asperger’s as an excuse for EVERYTHING until this year. And I’m really trying to fix that. I convinced myself that it does not create any absolute barriers - that it just makes things harder. But that it still can be fixed.</p>
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<p>Oh, I actually just feel so sad over this. I can’t do this to anyone - I can’t. But we ARE so similar on paper. And you know, I was angry at humanity for it. But I’ve tried so hard to not get that angry at it anymore. Because, you know, it’s pointless to get angry. It has hurt me SO much. And there just isn’t much in life that I need.</p>
<p>And I just sympathize SO much with your post. I don’t know - it’s hard for me to really like anyone unless they’re like me in that way. Or were like me in that way. We can change, of course. </p>
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<p>Aw I see. I’m so happy that you still love animals. And you know, I find humans to be the same way. I just wish that I could be the exception for once. I used to be horrible, but after what i went through, I knew that I had to change. But of course, i have to change in certain ways for me to be the exception, and I’ll just try really hard to do it.</p>
<p>I don’t know - I’ve sort of realized that I don’t have much to live for. Even if i become academically successful, it still feels like a total void. I don’t get as much joy out of things as much as I used to. But giving a few other people joy - I think that, at least, could give me something to live for. At least, if I can change someone’s life for the better. </p>
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<p>Yeah, I was so maladjusted in the past. And so it’s understandable. But I’ve changed. And you know, I have to be nice to you. </p>
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<p>I’m sorry. I want to be better, I do. I don’t know - I just feel like it’s hard for me to be empathetic to anyone, unless they’re in the same exact situation as me. Or something. I just want to be happy for someone for once.</p>
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<p>I’m sorry. Well you know, it can be changed. I feel a barrier towards being empathetic to anyone. I don’t know anymore…</p>
<p>with my most recent RL friend, there is no barrier anymore. I just want her to be happy for now. Her thought patterns and situation are almost identical to mine. And that’s what ultimately matters. Or maybe just - that I’ve changed her so much. And I become empathetic to anyone that I’ve really changed so much. It’s like I grew up with her. Maybe. I’ve just always wanted a sister. </p>
<p>And I’m sorry. I do feel some barrier with being empathetic to you (teenager). There are probably some creative ways to get through it. But in the end, I don’t know. For some reason, I just don’t feel like we’re totally in the same boat. It’s not an excuse. But for some reason, that restrains me. I just don’t feel that something is sustainable. Maybe it’s just that we don’t know each other IRL. :(</p>
<p>anyway a. has lots of awesome things about him and you should totally give him another chance. he’s been trying to change for eight months and he still really likes you. i bet he’d be different this time, now that he knows what it’s like to be without you i bet he’ll appreciate you a lot more and try to be better for you. you saw all that stuff he posted on how great you are and how much he misses you…right? he still thinks about you every day and hangs on to your every word. i think he’s learned a lesson.</p>
<p>Aw thanks. I appreciated that so much. I do. And I’m sorry I can’t be more empathetic to you. I don’t know why. It’s so hard for me to feel empathy unless they feel like they’ve really been pushed into a corner for months.</p>
I don’t know - I just have to try to give people more of what they want - that’s all.</p>
But I’m too scared to talk to them. </p>
But someone really changed me, after she cut off contact with me. Because that made me appreciate everything she did for me. Everything. She was nicer to me than everyone else - and probably would have never left me. And I wish I could have just restarted and was better for her all the way, so that I would have never hurt her. And respected her fairly minimal desires/demands, because they really were for the better. </p>