<p>EFC doesn’t have anything to do with the cost of the school- it has to do with what your family can contribute to cost of education through savings, loans, and income.
If the cost of the school is lower than EFC, then the student won’t be offered any need based money, although they can still be offered merit aid.
If the cost of the school ( plus expenses) is more than EFC, that will allow student to be eligible for more loans,grants and workstudy to pay costs.
( I didn’t attend college either- lots of parents didn’t as it was a time when you could still support your family with a high school education)</p>
<p>Yay sueinphilly. No the EFC stays the same (from FAFSA) but if his stats are good enough to get tuition waivers that will reduce the cost. Good luck. </p>
<p>We can tell you love your son. I love my kids a lot too - doesn’t mean they don’t drive me crazy sometimes.</p>
<p>just to clarify, my son received both a merit scholarship AND a grant from his school, along with additional loans, work study, and even though it’s a private $40K school, that brought the cost a heck of a lot closer to the state flagship which amazingly was going to cost us close to $20,000 instate with housing (yes, a state university!) since he received no merit aid or grants, only loans which are comparable to the loans we got from the private school. So in answer to your question, sue, no, EFC will not be lower if cost of school is lower (EFC is what the government thinks you can afford to pay towards any college education) so whether you receive any aid depends a lot on what the school has available to offer…</p>
<p>thanks on the EFC info. 12K is a mighty big number. </p>
<p>Especially considering that you know you will be forking over more $$ for ‘stuff’. My take home pay was about 32K last year (2006) plus 9K in retirement and an accumulated savings of 57K. </p>
<p>It cost $1100 to live in my house with the electricity, gas and phone. My big splurge is digital cable and internet. I work from home a few days a week so I need the high speed and the cable is my ownly entertainment (I’ll only rent a movie if I have a $2 coupon). And my car is a 1991 honda civic. I can see it now, I pay 12k and then my car dies, my furnace dies, my roof leaks…</p>
<p>But if he were to go to West chester, he’d probably get some $ from a state grant and a corephilly sholarship (this is for phila residents only). </p>
<p>But I STILL want him to apply for the Federal Employee scholarship (I work for the Dept of Defense) and for the one my life insurance company is offering. </p>
<p>I graduted in 1979 and went to a 6 month computer school and was living on my own at 19. When I say no parental support came my way, I mean it. The week after my son was born (1989), I lost my job, and was out of work for almost 18 months. Not easy to look for a job with a newborn and no degree. I went to work for the Dept of Defense in 1991 for a salary of $13515 and didn’t get back over 30K for 8 years. It’s only been in the past 7 years (with promotions) that I have had financial breathing room. My son KNOWS all of this. I told him that with a math degree he could walk into a 70K+ job. </p>
<p>Oh god, the stuff Dr. Spock doesn’t put in the parenting books :-)</p>
<p>“I don’t want anyone to think I don’t love my son. In fact it’s probably the opposite. I care so much it’s painful sometimes!”</p>
<p>We know you love your S. If you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t have taken the time to post on this board. You are doing a wonderful job finding out info. INdeed, your research skills indicate that your S probably inherited his obvious high intelligence from you (Did you know that research indicates that males inherit their intelligence from their mom’s side of the family?) Imagine how far you could have gone in terms of education if your parents had done the research for you that you’re doing for your S.</p>
<p>I love my sons, including my prodigal one, who quite literally broke my heart (I ended up in the hospital with chest pains, and depression was the diagnosis). Yes, loving our kids so much that it sometimes hurt is part of what it means to be a parent.</p>
<p>My best friend’s daughter went to Pitt. She is the young lady who got no financial aid from a number of “elite” private schools because the colleges could not be convinced that her father was truly absent (he was not), and he refused to lift a finger to fill out any fin aid form or pay her college. She is now graduating from BC Law School with $150K offers on her plate from a number firms. Her mother and I felt terribly for her having to go to a school not even on her list (she applied in the summer when it was clear she was not going to be able to come up with the money). This young lady did everything right and could not go to her school choices. Sue’s son is not doing what he should do. THough it may all work out for him, if it does not, he can take the same route as this young woman did and go to college, if this is what he wanted.
The toll of all of these things fall so heavily on the parents. NSM has been so generous sharing her journey with two sons who have not taken the traditional College Confidential path. There are many others who have gone down this road as well. Young men in particular seem to have trouble transitioning to adulthood. Not much you can do for these kids when they won’t do it themselves. But counseling for the parent can make a big difference in family atmosphere and for the parent’s mental and physical health. We are not so young anymore, and stress can excerbate any underlying health issue. Then you are dealing with real trouble.</p>
<p>I sent him the link to the West Chester application. I will submit the Fafsa there as soon as the Sar comes back from the first submission. I just addressed an envelope for him to take to school for the counselor to send the transcript and whatever else is necessary.</p>
<p>He says he’ll do the application today. But he’ll have to fit that in between watching football ALL day and evening.</p>
<p>It’s not like he’s busy actually DOING something like a job or school work.</p>
<p>Sue, a lot of this is NORMAL at this age. Peruse the site and you’ll see other parents going nuts over their senior son acting this way and worse. Just wait till senioritus really sets in. Better get the scrips for the Prozac for yourself in preparation LOL.</p>
<p>Sue
I often think the sons of single moms (truly single, no father contact at all), have to fight the hardest to set boundaries with their moms.
Your S sounds unrealistic, not putting effort into finding colleges that could offer terrific financial aid/merit. Perhaps he will gain entry into H and terrific money. I cannot image Central HS not having good GCs. His GC and teachers must think highly of him to recommend him for H. Would he consider Swarthmore or Haverford?
Who fills out the applications seems to vary by families. Some parents would take over after their child wrote the essays. Some kids refuse to apply for schools that don’t accept just the common application and require no teacher recommendation letters. Other kids do everything without any parental support.</p>
<p>Sueinphilly, You may want to consider to back off a bit and let your son handles his college choice on his own. Should he fail to land a financially viable option, he can work a year and reapply in the following year. This way he may learn an important lesson.</p>
<p>Whether he starts college this year or next will make little difference in the long run. Letting him work it out himself will make a huge difference in your relationship with him. </p>
<p>I am a single parent of a single child myself. Parents like us tend to live in a smaller world where the child sometimes become the center of our life. The child of course doesn’t see it that way. It may even be suffocating. I give my D a lot of room to make her own choice. She now tells me that I give her too much freedom.</p>
<p>senioritis is fine if you have all your ducks in a row, ie acceptance and financing. “deadline” doesn’t have to mean “don’t do it before this date”. My son wants to be so NOT like me (organized, frugal, a tad anal), that he’s taking it to the extreme in the opposite direction. </p>
<p>Normal sucks. No wonder I’ve had no luck with men in 45 years. </p>
<p>Here’s a good story. My son was accepted to attend a “Presidential Classroom” week in Washington (in march). <a href=“http://www.presidentialclassroom.org/content/programs/index.asp[/url]”>http://www.presidentialclassroom.org/content/programs/index.asp</a></p>
<p>He was walking past a room after school one day and someone said “hey Eric go take this test”. One test and one interview later, he’s going to washington. Funny thing is, he would Never have take that test if someone hadn’t yelled out to him! The $1300 cost is being paid by his school, but he needs business attire (which we had none of)</p>
<p>Going to Sears wasn’t ‘good enough’. I spent $327 at Macy’s for a weeks worth of clothes (and he still needs shoes). another 100 for amtrak and they suggest you send the kid with 150-200 for lunches and ‘incidentals’. Some free week. I swear I’m going to threaten to pull him from this if he doesn’t fill in the darn scholarship apps. I mean we have argued about it, longer than it would take to do it. </p>
<p>I had to force him to fill in the application to be a counselor at the summer camp he has attended for 10 years now. He is lazy even when he actually cares about it. </p>
<p>Good news is that he’s almost done the West Chester application. This looks promising. No way is he not accepted and maybe even a nice scholarship. Plus he’s got the opportunity to use the city and state grants. Thanks to the poster who mentioned this school! I owe you one if this pans out.</p>
<p>Sue, well it is the Eagles that are playing!! My husband is there - see him in the Pepsi zone??</p>
<p>I’m glad your son is willing to apply to West Chester. It’s close enough that visiting will just take half a day. My kids were both accepted at Millersville but neither would attend. WCU is probably one of the best choices for a student that is used to a city atmosphere - not that West Chester is a real city but it’s much more lively then Millersville or Kutztown. We lived around West Chester in Chester and Delaware counties for 10 years and have seen the town grow into an upscale but nice town. Looks like WCU has a honors program - <a href=“http://www.wcupa.edu/honors/[/url]”>http://www.wcupa.edu/honors/</a> that maybe your son will be interested in.</p>
<p>All the kids I know at the PA state schools are happy and satisfied with their education. Many of them are planning on grad school and understand that a state school is a great alternative for undergrad.</p>
<p>Sue, this is soooooo norrmal. And, yes, it sucks. Also senioritus is not fine even when you have all your ducks in a row, ie acceptance and financing. Hopefully, you don’t personally find out what I mean by that. </p>
<p>Financial irresponsibility is also normal, and some kids need to really wreck their credit and feel some pain before they figure out that they need to learn to practice fiscal management. My son was actually fine until he had a job and was out on his own. THat extra step sent him crashing. At least you know this is an area where he is going to have trouble. Most of these kids will grow up into responsible people, but they are also going to have to suffer some consequences of their actions and inaction. IT takes some of them more time to learn. He may have to be away from you before it sinks in, as you do deflect a lot of his consequences and provide an early alert service for him. As much as he voices his disdain for you, he is dependent on your nagging and reminding. A few consequences when he is away will probably bring some respect and appreciation for your concern which is just a pain in his craw right now. It hurts me that my kids are missing all kinds of opportunities because of how immediate they are, but we reached a point where I have stepped out of that picture. And sure enough they are not picking up the ball. I know this is going to take a while, but it is their life and they have to create their time frames. As for clothes, I buy at Good Will and the like, and they have picked this up as well. When you refuse to buy at Macy’s and he doesn’t have the money to do what he wants if he buys an expensive shirt, he might find his way to one of those shops which are going to be in his budget range for a few years unless one of you hits the lottery.</p>
<p>Several years ago, he needed a jacket for a dance. I got him a Jos. A. Banks jacket for $6 at the Salvation Army. And we all know that it probably cost over $100 new.</p>
<p>He still holds that against me. I can afford Sears. Heck even at Macys they had 15 shirts and ties, but his were all 25-30. He really doesn’t want the cheapest of anything because he sees how I am. If they sold the same thing in Walmart as Macys he wouldn’t want it because of where it came. I DON"T live like this. He’s my polar opposite intentially. It’s a matter of control. I know the schtick I just don’t like it. </p>
<p>He’s going to ask his friend’s mom (where he stayed at xmas) if he can live there till the end of school. I told him I’d give her $100 a week (and pay for transit tokens and other stuff that are necessities). I’m not kicking him out.</p>
<p>We are not good for each other and I don’t want to screw him up bigtime. He says he’ll never stay here again (summer, school breaks…). yeah, it breaks my heart, but if it’s what he wants then I am not going to force him to live with me.</p>
<p>Cpt
Sue already said that her S loves to buy clothes. I think he tried to get the most he could from this trip to Wash.DC. I suspect that another person could have found most of the clothes already in his closet.
Its priorities. Some kids think of clothes as a necessary evil. They’ll go to thrift stores or borrow the blazer/tux for that rare occasion. Some eat dorm food, even if it gets boring. Others spend A LOT eating out. I’ve given up trying to impose my values.What would work for me is giving money as a budget and prepaid cell phone</p>
<p>Sue, do look for a counselor for you. It is very normal what you are experiencing but if he is your only child and you are a single parent, you are truly focusing on one danged tree in that forest and picking at its faults. I have 5 boys and their travails make my head spin, but have been mellowed out as to what is a REAL problem. I feel I am not good for my older boys either, but am working on it, learning to smooth my edges and tone down my neuroses and at the same time learning to deal with issues that my sons have and are not addressing. Find the right therapist and it can help you big time. Though I have not solved the crux of many of our problems, some even in my lap, I can see things a little differently now. I am great at helping out friends in trouble,particularly with their kids, but when it involves my own emotions and kids, that’s a whole different story, and the stress is damaging to all of us. When you can cut the emotion from the situation, sometimes the answers to the problems become much simpler. It also makes you a more reasonable parent in dealing with the kid.I can tell that high tastes in material goods is not a problem isolated to your son. At least you have targeted it and letting him know what you think and are not living that way yourself. Some kids really have a problem when they have to go out of their parents’ pockets when they have been raised to get whatever they want regardless of cost, only the best. Newly graduated college kids are not going to have the jobs to support that kind of lifestyles and many families cut the financial cord after college, especially if they have other kids in school, and they are getting financially exhausted. I know that we felt much more generous (foolishly) when our first son was in college, than we do now that we are 6 years down the road with a second one in college, and a third on his way. The strain of paying for the first one really brought home to us what those numbers are. And , other family issues have cropped up as well, and we are not getting any younger. I’ll tell you, too, that my kids say the same thing about never staying here again, but they are both here over Christmas break with the older one living here. THe third one sings the same tune, but filled out that he wants nearby colleges on his college sheet . SO you go figure. THey are pretty confused and say many things that they are too lazy to follow up on.</p>
<p>Bookworm, clothes has not been an issue at our house. I’d trade any number of issues for that one. Parents I know who have that issue, simply give their kid money at designated times of the year, which is their clothing allowance. If they need something in the way of clothes, that is where it come from. IF they want one outfit from Macy’s not on sale with that money as opposed to more items from Walmart, or a whole wardrobe from Good Will. They will complain and curse you as cheap, but, hey, we are all on budgets of sorts. For kids like this, you need pretty clear budgets with few exemptions even if cost in terms of opportunities. But once they are paying for themselves, they can set up their priorities the way they want, and I do know people (my very successful and wonderful sister in law is one) who want expensive clothes and make that a priority budget item.</p>
<p>bookwork, He had nothing to wear. jeans and basketball shorts are his wardrobe. No business attire at all. And this is mandatory. I think he could have gotten 3 $15 shirts, but we got 4 $25 ones. He promised to wear these clothes for his prom (so that is saving $$, no tux rental)</p>
<p>My son won’t buy new clothes. Goes to the Salvation Army or E-Bay for everything; theatre costumes, worn out jeans, whatever. We have a lot of fun looking around. A new local business, Junktique, has intrigued my son and his friends.</p>
<p>Sue</p>
<p>You’re doing a good job. Parenting is hard sometimes even with a partner. I hope you cut yourself some slack and get some help if you need it. Sometimes CC is enough help; sometimes you may need more. Your son isn’t perfect, you aren’t perfect; neither are any of us. I have a great kid and have been tearing my hair ouit on some threads about procrastination, etc. We’ll all be laughing about this someday…</p>
<p>sueinphilly, just a suggestion for future interactions: is there any reason you couldn’t have given him a budget for the clothing for the week? cptofthehouse mentioned that approach and I’d recommend it. If you were willing to spend $150 total for his clothing, for instance, give him that amount and tell him that’s what you’ll contribute. Period. Perhaps review the items he’ll need, so you’re sure he knows how he has to allocate the money. And then let him shop. If he chooses to spend it on a smaller number of more expensive items, that’s how it goes, and he can wash them out in the hotel sink at night when he’s in DC. If he thinks you’ll foot the bill whatever he insists on, he’ll keep acting like a spoiled brat as long as he thinks he can get away with it.</p>
<p>You may want to consider how much you are enabling him to be oppositional. If he learns that he can’t count on you to fund his whims, perhaps he will be more serious about learning what he truly needs and wants, and may find a way to earn them himself.</p>
<p>(And sorry to sound amazed but did you really offer to pay someone $100 a week to take him off your hands? I’m thinking you may want to re-think that offer…)</p>